Psyke.org

Mike

Why Persecute SI?

Copyright, Mike

I have been on pills, I have been to therapists, I have been supported. Cutting works, it’s the only thing that has ever worked for me. I was diagnosed with Bipolar (NOS) when I was committed, and then came the flood of pills. With all those chemicals I couldn’t even tell what day it was. I haven’t cut for six months know and I hate it. I am forced by the guilt and prejudice of others to suffer without my treatment. Cutting is the fastest way I’ve found to bring my self down, or back up from my mania and depression. Since I can’t take the pills without extreme side effects my only choice is to suffer. I’m glad place like this are here to remind me just how hypocritical society is. Acupuncture is a great healing tool, but cutting is a horrible act, please… You do what you have to, not what you want to. My body should be my business, but instead it’s a pharmaceutical cash cow.

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Copyright, Mike

I have been inflicting harm upon myself for about 10 years now. It all started cause I was forced to hide my emotions. I started cutting at first now I cut and burn depending on what emotion I hide. Lately I have found a girl that has started to remove my shield from upon my heart, yet she can not help me break everything else. My emotions make me violent and I don’t fear what I am able to do. So my new found Love for her keeps me calm yet I hurt her every time I hurt myself.

Mike sent me this update:

I left school for a silent protest at 1:00 pm today and went to talk about some shit with some friends, when I cut my forearm deep, really deep. The cut is 4 inches long and goes all the way to the bone. It’s still bleeding a lot and I know I need stiches but I have no medical insurance so I’m going to clean it up and bandage it my self. The pain isn’t there and I can move my hand and fingers, so I should be fine. I think this is going to end my cutting, and my suicide attempts.

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Copyright, Mike

My name is Mike. I have some poetry on this site. It sucks but it’s all I can do for now I have always been a depressed person since I was a kid. My newest pain is emotion and I don’t want to live without my love. The search was accidental and I found her through a link on this very site it started off as just two people talking and relating and comparing then we fell in love and took a very drastic step and this is the result. I messed up my life more and now hers. I am a hundred percent devoted to her still and I will never not be. Without her with me I’m dying. If I never speak to her in any manner I will die faster, I deserve to suffer for my mistakes.

The pain of my reality is only based on my lack of will, before I met Kim I was never going to finish high school I planned on being long dead and forgotten about by now (twenty years old). I never wanted to hurt anyone but for some reason my heart took a turn at my cursed life and I ended up making everything worse. I thought I was happy because I was with the person I love but I wanted her to be happy. I got a job and fought for a raise. I never bothered to ask her if money would make her happy. I assumed it would because that’s how my family worked. We buy you things and you love us. Well I was wrong. She never wanted money, she wanted me. We were fine on what I was making. Now we are not. We it is me in a downward spiral of emotional pain and her living her life away from me. If I wasn’t blowing so much cocaine I would probably be dead right now instead I’m not eating still and I’m not willingly sleeping. I am afraid to sleep I see the same dream every time. And I can’t eat. My body won’t let me hold anything down. I’m pretty much killing myself slowly. Only to hope she comes back to me, she is the only person I loved and the only person I did not use.

 

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