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Mel R.

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Copyright Mel R.

It was March 6th when it happened. I had already been cutting for 1 year and a bit but this time I just wanted to die. I waited till lunch break and took my x-acto knife and slit my wrist 2 times. After that reality came to me because the bleeding was not stopping. I went to a friend and told her. I was cryng so much, I didn’t want my parents finding out. That weekend I was supposed to go away. Soon after that the councelor saw my friend was worried about me. She told my friend to bring me to her office in 4th period. So she brought me although she knew I didn’t want to go. She didn’t tell the councelor anything, I had to tell the councelor myself. She asked me if I was planning on hurting myself and I said I already had. She asked to see and I refused to show her. Finally after about 45 minutes of persuasion I showed her. She seemed to actually be worried and I felt as though she actually cared. Then she called my parents. That was one experience I didn’t want. I knew my parents would be mad at me. But she called them anyways. The councelor asked what I used and still I refused to tell her. So after school was over my mom came to pick me up and take me to the hospital. When I went to the hospital they gave me stitches then I had to wait some more to talk to the psychiatrist. After talking to the psychiatrist she prescribed sleeping pills and then I went home. The next day I went to school but I had accidentally forgotten to take the knife out of my backpack from the day before. The councelor had gone into my locker and searched through my bag and found what I used. She had called my dad, gave him the knife, took me out of class and told me I had to go home to be under 24 hour surveillance and I wasn’t allowed to come back to school until I had talked to a councelor at Child and Youth. So that same day I got kicked out of school. I went to Child and Youth and talked to a councelor. Of course after that incident I thought my cutting addiction would be over. Of course it wasn’t. 2 weeks later I was cutting myself again. I even took my own stitches out (telling my parents they had fallen out). To this day I still am cutting, my dad still abuses me verbally and physically once in a while. My parents still yell about every little thing. They still ask to look at my wrists. But who says that to cut you have to cut your wrists? My parents won’t find out unless I tell the councelor that I’ve cut myself because she’s supposed to call my parents any time I tell her that I’ve cut myself. I can’t trust anyone anymore, that’s how I feel anyways. I really have tried to stop cutting but nothing has worked.

 

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