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Kelly

Untitled

Copyright, Kelly

If man can do it himself
than why ask god?
if man likes the pain,
then why pray for him
to take it all away?
what should man do
when the blood is gushing
and the room is spinning?
should he defy god
and become a slave in the pits of hell
or go through life
with bandages on his wrists
and grimaces
on strangers faces?
will he give up
and be laid in a casket
for all eternity,
or will he wash
the blood off his hands
and through the razor away?
can his past choices damper his future,
or can he end it all
and have only a future among demons?
Should he give up
hope for tomorrow
and make peace with himself
or wait for a brighter day?
when a brighter day
is right around the corner
will he make it till then?
will his pain be too deep,
and his emotions
too bound?
Should the lord
be merciful,
or does man control
his own mercy?

Untitled

Copyright, Kelly

a smooth white layer
a silver tool
a pink fleshy wound
with scarlet drips
only an inch long
not very deep
this is my escape
this is what i need

Untitled

Copyright, Kelly

you are the first to leave your mark
the others all fade in deep
i was feeling down, my mood was dark
but you are what i need to keep

so thin and straight
i can trace my finger along
i feel the skin in its agitated state
grazing over you softly helps me be strong

i remember when i created you
my tool had be worn down
never the less its something to do
controlling what’s inside, a cure for my frown

times before i was scared
never tried hard enough
always afraid of what others cared
but now i give up that bluff

you are my first
and i’m uncertain if you’ll be last
i know there will always be a thirst
but following through is the question i ask

Uncontrollable Urges

Copyright, Kelly

Sitting here Knife in hand
Not expecting you to understand
That the pain I have will never leave
I know its hard to believe
It has controlled me for so long
I don’t think I can stay strong
I feel like I am doing a nose dive
Beginning to wonder why I am alive

Sitting here lighter heating
Starting to learn that he is beating
He has hid and ran, and I don’t understand
How he is getting away with this… what a man

Sitting here blade to skin
Fighting the urge to push it in
Loseing the battle, beginning to shake
Its one more decision I cannot make

Shaking, rocking slowly talking
Thinking, sinking even walking
Blade in hand weary slicing
Lighter in hand very enticing.

Written on:
November 5th 2000
Kelly

 

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