Karli
Copyright, Karli
Karli writes:
My name is Karli and I am sixteen years old. I have been cutting for three and a half years. I don’t really have any picutres of my cuts but I love this site in general. I love this site because I can relate to the people in a lot of ways. It comforts me that I’m not alone although I feel alone very often. I figured since I love reading others’ poetry and since it helps me understand myself and others that I’d share some of mine. I have recently also made the decision to stop hurting myself. It is one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do in my life. It has been four months since I last cut myself and I still think about it at least two times a week. I know my poetry isn’t all that great but it helps me deal with my shit since I don’t cut anymore. So here it is… If you like it, great, if you don’t that’s cool too. Contact me at xhard_x_corex@hotmail.com.
Suicide
Suicides an opportunity but
Suicides a shame
How people throw their lives away using pain
Just calm down and try to be tame
They say to you when u utter that word
Its like a disturbance
To start all this turbulence
“Suicide” he says
His friends all gasp
And put on a mask
An act of bullshit
As if they never thought of it!
Its crap I say…
But that’s just me
This thought cant be erased with a key
“Don’t even think of it” said me
“its wrong to end it all like this,
“And what if I miss”
Ill be locked in a room that’s white and small
What the fuck they think I am??
A doll?!?!
Id much rather chill at the mall…
And try to forget
All these thoughts
In my head
For now ill stay alive
Rather than dead
The white room,
It will have a bright light
With fluffy walls
That are squishy and dull
Ill be in a long white jacket
That lock my arms around my sides
Id rather lose my virginity and die
How I would do it?
Ill never know
Until I get broken and lose my home
Or get swollen or raped or cut up by a train
But still for now ill maintain
My sense of reality which isn’t all that much
Considering my friends lie like such and such
The disfiguration in my brain
comes from everything
As if my brain was fucked from the beginning
Maybe it was…
Maybe it wasn’t
I don’t think I should think about these things
Because my thoughts are depressing and deranged…
Suicides an opportunity but
Suicides a shame
How people throw their lives away using pain
My Parents
I have a shit load of problems
in my life
My mom smokes pot
And I do too
My life is screwed
There’s no doubt there
my parents, they don’t even care
I heard dem fight when I was young
It fucked me up good
I never sung
There divorced now…
And its as if they’ve divorced me!
What the fuck i ever do to them?!?!?
I mean I was born
But dat dat aint my fault
Its as if im malt
You have me for a while
then you get sick of me
My mom bitches off for no reasons
Its all the same
No matter what season
I see my daddy once a week
Hes the one who taught me to skate
But he gets pissed off when im late
I no everyone has problems with their parents
Like this guy I no
His name is Clarence
His moms smokes pot
His dad was in jail
that’s fucked up as you kan tell
But so am I
And so is my family
Everything wud be so much better
If I wasn’t in the picture
Im a whore a bitch a cunt
Only few of the ones my mom decribes me as
My fucking mom wonders why I smoke pot
“Look at my life bitch and then think a lot!”
That ho thinks she does everything rite
Even when I prove her rong or make a correction
Im still da bad one
I don’t know how I take her shit
I hate her that stupid bitch!
Its like I live all alone in a ditch
I have a shit load of problems
in my life
My mom smokes pot
And I do too
My life is screwed
I’m A Candle
Why cant I just die a quick death?!
Why doesn’t life make any sense
I have lost all hope for my future life
Don’t let me see that really sharp knife
It will trigger my brain
My rotten rotten brain
To think bad thoughts, though I always do
These bad thoughts torture me
They battle my brain
And torture my soul
Then I end up out of control!
Where is life taking me?
Why aren’t I there yet?
Oh I forgot! I DON’T CARE TO SET
Any goals in life becuz there is no point
I am not going where you want me to go
Don’t bother to flip a coin
My friends, all fake
There’s no trusting them
My family, all think bad of me
Don’t bother to convince
No one lets me choose to do what I want
Its MY body and ill pierce it if I want!
Its my hair and ill dye it if I want!
Its my skin and ill cut it if I want!
And it is my choice and ILL make it if I want!
No seems to understand
The Fury inside my fucking head!
They just think im crazy and stupid
But in truth, im not…IM REALLY NOT!
I swear, no more smoking pot
Its over, im done
Im finished, no fun!
No matter how hard I wish on a star
It always seems to burn out like a flame
My life is a candle!
Yeah that’s it
Except for the fact that I choose when I die!
No one will ever blow me out
Its ok! Ill do it myself
Angel
_____ you’re my god
My angel in disguise
You make me happy when I’m down
you make me think the unthinkable
I’m fucking crazy about you
Its sucks that you don’t want me
It sucks that you don’t care
But for now I’m just guna have to deal
I’m looking out my window
And all I see is you
I’m standing in the rain
And all I feel is you
I’m sitting in my bedroom
And all I can think about is YOU
I don’t know why I feel this way
But it just wont stop
Its making me crazy
Tell me what to do!
Your kiss
It makes me shake
Your touch
it makes me tremble
But Your loving…
Its just too good to be true
I know you have your mood swings
Yeah they really suck
But I can live with those… wtf
Gawd your just too pretty
Damn your just too fine
When I think about you
I need a glass of wine
I know I’m sometimes immature
I know I can act stupid
But its because I’m CRAZY OVER YOU!
When I see you, my knees get weak
When I feel you, I need to take a leak
You just make me so damn nervous
because I want you but your too good for me!
Untitled
I always take the blame
I always take the shame
Fuck what’s my name?
Cant I for once do something right?
Why do I always put up a fight
Why is my judgment so fucking bad
Thinking bout my stupidity makes me mad
Why do I do stupid things
Be happy
My heart is torn
Its ripped apart
Broken by everyone,
Slowly
Why cant I just be happy
For once in my life
Why does everyone toss me around
Like a pen or knife
No one really cares about me
But some pretend
Some don’t even want to pretend
But it doesn’t matter anymore
Nothing matters…
As long as everyone else is happy
Trapped in my heart
I cant get you off my mind
I don’t now why
Even when I’m flying high
I think about you
I want you so bad
I need you so much
I’m so into you
I cant believe I feel this way
Its so unreal
Make it go away
I love you
I’m trapped in your heart shaped box
And I cant get out!
But honestly I don’t want to
Please don’t let me go
Your love is like euphoria
You are too good to be true
I want to be with you always
I hope you love me too
Want to be happy
So depressed
Cant even breath
My head is aching
My heart is hurting
Why is my life so hard
Maybe its not
I think I just make it hard
But now I cant fix it
No Matter what I try
FUCK all I wanna do is DIE!
But no cant do that
My friends wud be disappointed
Theyd prolly just laugh
Wait did I just say frineds>?!?
HAHAH what frindds
FUCK IM SO GOD DANMED ANGRY
NO matter what I do
Im such a fucking wreck
Im a lonely miserable freak
God how I long to be happy
Whats wrong with me?!
Why can I be happy like everybody else
How I long to just have a long term realtionship
with a great guy who knows how to trreat me
But no! tht wud just be too much to ask for Wudnt it
Fuckin cutting duznt even help anymore its just a relief for 5 seconds
then everythings back to being black and empty
Why am I such a fucking mess
I wish I cud understand myself!
My life is like a broke mirror
Unable to be fixed
My heart is broken
Beyond belief
Just life my life its unable to be mended
My depression
Is neverending
I wish I cud just end all this fucking pain!
Complicated
Hello again
my little friend
why am i once again left alone in my head
thinking and thinking
nothing good comes from me when i am left to think
why the fuck does everything have to be complicated
just when you think thing start getting a bit more simple,
they get complicated all fucking over again
just when i think im starting to get sane
i freak out worse than before
and just when i think im getting sober
it hits me all over again
i am too agitated to deal with
the complications of life and its bringing
id rather sometimes just be dead
its just too fucking hard to deal with
its too annoying and useless
cuz its just one big fucking circle
that’s going to go rough and round until i shrivel up and waste away
the funny thing is ive already started wasting away
slowly but surely
its happening and i cant take it anymore
why does everyone choose me to fuck around with
he could have chosen any other girl
but he had to choose me, the one whose TAKEN
he had to come into my life now just when things start going well
he screws around with my fucking brain!
men always do this to me
and why does he think its the best choice
why is he so sure of himself
maybe im sure that my baby is the best choice
not sure of anything though so how could i tell
what the fuck do i do in this fucking situation
people always make me second guess myself
my head is saying he’s older and better
but my heart tells me you love your boyfriend you love him so much
why do this to yourself
he is the bets guy for you and i just cant decide
i have given up choosing i give up making decisions at all
i am just going to fucking sit back n let whatever happens happen n that’s all
im too fucking pissed off to care ANYMORE
I FUCKING GIVE UP
i have truly given up ugh why is this all happening now this are going so well
why dis he making me question myself
WHY WHY WHY
WHY DO I FEEL LIKE HURTING MYSELF EVERYTIME SOMETHING GOES WRONG
EVEN IF I KNOW ITS NOT WORTH HURTING MYSELF OVER I WANT TO DO IT
and im fucking contemplating it right now
alright karli
Pull urfuckingself together and take a breath
calm down and pull the strings together slowly
be careful tho
the strings are delicate fragile and are prone to snap
slowly, slowly, FUCK I broke one!
slice!!!!!
shit now im bleeding
ok once again slowly pull each strong little by little….
*SNAP* *SNAP* OH SHIT i did it again
slice slice slice sllllliiiiiiccccceeee!
im lying on the floor now, gasping for breathe
and now im wishing that my Baby would hold my hand
Serrated
Serrated blades
Attached to my wrist
Don’t know if I should give in or resist
So close to cutting
I know I really shouldn’t
But the pain is just too strong
The bloody river down my arm awaits me
BUT I AM FUCKING STRONGER!
Nothing to you
This Pain is just to strong to take
i just love you too much
you’ll milked my heart for all its worth
now its dried up into nothingness
just another pile of dust on the floor
im just another pile of dust for you to sweep away
i sit here minute after minute remembering all the times we’ve had
remembering the second my heart started cracking
the minute the first tear dripped down my face
more hurt than even i can imagine
smoking cigarette after cigarette to ease this pain
you’ve brought upon me
no matter how much you hurt me i will always love you
i have learned not to regret
i just don’t think the timer is right for you to walk away
i wish you felt the same
i don’t know what’s happened in the past month that cant be fixed
we could work through this if we really tried
you obviously don’t feel the same
you don’t even want to try
i guess i am nothing to you…
Just a piece of ass
Just another piece of ass
just a girl you fucked
a girl who meant nothing
a girl who loves you
a girl who really cares
a girl who took your virginity but you never seemed to care
what ever happened to “making love”
what ever happened to i love you karli
what ever happened to ill always be there
what ever happened to i will always care
what ever happened to you taught me how to love
what ever happened to mon cherie
why cant we work this out
why cant we just go back to normal
why cant things just be right
why does my heart break for you
why do my eyes cry tears for you
who has rained on our parade
who has changed your mind
who has cared for you
who has loved you
who is it that will always care and love you more than life itself?
Me…
Rag doll
I’m not your fucking rag doll
you cant just toss me around
you hugged me like you meant it
you held me like you cared
it was all one big fucking lie
one night can mean so much or so little
to me it meant the world
to you i am nothing just a fucking friend
you fucked me just like everyone else
you said you never would
now im destroyed all over again.
Put the knife back in
You took out the knife
you stitched me up
stitched up my heart
slowly the seams broke apart
you’ve split me open all over again
why am I designed to endure all this pain
I’m fucking internally bleeding
and you don’t even seem to care
you pushed that knife right back in again
this time its serrated and bent
rusted and un kept
swarming with disease
you’ve diseased me and it wont go away
your plague will stay with me forever
on this rotten fucking earth
Forget the bad
Trying to forget
All these thoughts in my head
Trying not to think about killing myself
dead
Trying to forget that one drunken night
When rat bastard ruined my life
Trying not to remember when pot head said goodbye
Left me alone to whither and die
Trying to forget about being scared
Its just more than I could bare
Trying to forget the words you said
Don’t you remember those nights in my bed
The End Of Us
You made me laugh
And Now I cry
I long for you with every breathe I take
Thinking about all my mistakes
aching for your kiss
I wish it was me that you missed
I want to look into your eyes
Kiss me one last time and say your goodbyes
Just walk away
I’ve hated and waited for this day
The day that you’d break my heart
It feels like my hearts a board full of darts
Rip off the band aid fast
Even though I thought we would last
Your Scent
You gave me your sweater
Bad idea baby
It stinks of you scent
I’ve not let go of it since
its been on my body
I sleep with it
I dream with it
I smell it
I taste it
I touch it
I hold it
I love it
My Life
The sharp edge of the razor
hits my skin
No time to think
Only time to give in
I must be crazy
I must be mad
But for now I think ill just be sad
Nothing to live for
Nothing to strive
Nothingness hits me like million sharp knives
every time I think of life
I think of my parents
That don’t need me in they’re lives
I think of my friends
Who are obsessed with they’re minds
I think of the deadness inside of me
I mite as well hang myself from a tree
Getting away is my final concern
Running away is what I urn
I need to get out of this black hole
I need some sort of control
Everyone says abuse aint the answer
Who the fuck they think they are? PRANCER
Life isn’t all about love and happiness
For me its arguments, crying, pain, and anger
Life itself is more than over
I’ve never found a four leaf clover
I doubt that would have ever helped
I don’t matter I could have never dealt
With all the shit that goes on in my life
I doubt ill grow old and become a wife
More likely for me to take a knife
Cut my self up and end my life
I cant take n e more
Nothings the matter
My heart is just SORE!
My brain has rotted right to the core
I cant continue slamming the door
So this is the end
Bye Bye to all
hope you live and never fall
Into my footsteps and end it like this
U deserve more then a mere kiss
Farewell
In My Shoes
Im Trembling inside
my heart is aching
My eyes are burning
My brain is urning to
Go finda gun,
Shove it in my mouth
Pull the Fucking Trigger
end this shit as soon as I can
My friends, they doubt me
No1 thinks ill do it
“YOU HAVE A GREAT LIFE”
Fuck off and move it
Once I’m gone it’ll be so much better
No1 will be sad they wont write depressing letters
My mom and dad oh so happy
With their own lives
mine was crappy
They’ll laugh and sing bout their crazy suicidal daughter
They’ll go buy my favorite animal, an otter
Never accepted into the human race
No1 wanted to see my ugly face
Yet they show up at my funeral and take it out on others
Blame it on her! NO! blame it on him
Maybe its that guys fault who just walked in
My friends, they’ll cry, then totally forget me
But then again, they said theyd never let me
Kill myself but I was always dead
Shhh don’t tell them
They’ll be mislead!
They’ll wonder y would she kill herself
Well take a look at the cards shes been dealt!
Shes got a fuckt life with fuckt friends
Fuckt^ familie and then it ends!
Don’t worry karli everything’s ok
But take a second and get in my shoes
Walk ten thousand miles… sorry you lose
That game was that you stay alive
U lost im sorry
y don’t you take my story
and put it on maury
Great friend you are!
Y don’t you grow up you fuck up!
This crap is neverending
4 as long as I live
Ill cry in my corner
starve myself to death
My razors have become so very dull
They wont cut my skin
Fuck that throw them in a bin
Full of razors and knifes and forks
Ne thing that wont cut ne more!
This is it I cant take it ne more!
Its over I’m done
Either that or become a nun…
Haha a nun
All ill eat is a bun
Poppin pills in my room
I’m crazy im doomed!
don’t know what to do
With myself or my peers
All I no is they burn the tears!
Math Class Thoughts
Sitting in class
With nothing to do
Im screwed
I didn’t do my homework
late for class
Mrs. Zelewicz
KISS MY ASS
Looking at the ceiling
The light hurts my eyes
Wishing I cud just get buried alive
Fidgeting with my pencil
Eating it up
With my luck
Ill get lightning struck
Calculators and multiplying
Blood and dying
Crying and lying
Buying and sighing
Solving equations
Dissolving my brain cells
I am distraught
Little and rude
Right now I need black lights
Music and gum
My head it hurts
I feel like a bum
My stomach aches
I want to eat
But I cant walk outside and slip on the sleet
The icy snow hits and swells my head
Tomorrow ill have to stay in bed
I want to cry
I want to lie
I want to leave my class and die
Kisses so sweet wont even help now
I eel like I’m a big fat cow
I am so down
So out of control
One of my friends hass a mole
But I have a hole in my head
that’s why im writing this
HELP HELP!
There’s a hole in my head
All my thoughts are pouring out
It too late I’m dead
Inside outside, outside in
Where does this end?
Where does it begin?
Looking at my ring
That is shiny and gold
Thinking about my life
that’s out of control
This class is a chamber
Of torture for me
I need the key
Ill never have it
Thinking of getting that key is a habit
So bye bye for now
I’m off to find it
Once I do I better bind it
To my hand so ill never lose it
Goodbye
Don’t Lie
Mirror mirror on the wall
Who is the ugliest of them all
You are you are the mirrors says
The I got sit in my bed
Watch some tv
Sing a song
Im so bored
And very tired
Of hearing lies from all the liars
Lets go smoke pot and make afire
The tears roll down my face like a waterfall
Pouring into the deep blue lake
don’t be fooled
My tears aren’t fake
Please for fucking heavens sake!
please be true
Please don’t lie
About being bi
Or fucking a pie
I really hate the dark grey sky
The winter is depressing
In my high school years I will be aggressive
Im already as aggressive as can be
Leave me alone while I sit under a tree
And cut my wrists, my legs, my thighs
Scar the world and praise the BIs
Homophobics are so fuckt
whats the point of being scared
Is it the glare?
In your eyes that makes them looks like a monster in discuise
Please don’t mind if they lie
Its ppl like you that make them this way
They must hide their true feelings
From family and friends
If they don’t sum friendships bend
Becoming shit and becoming nothing
About a Girl
A gurl cries among the lies
Her parents told her that she was theirs
But really they bought her just like they bought her a pair
Of shoes in the store
She angerd herself as her “parents” left the house
She realized that she wasn’t loved like everyone else
She didn’t understand why they left her
But at least now she has a shelter
Her real parents didn’t want her
They really never cared
Noe her new parents lied and dared
Told her they loved her although she wasn’t theirs
She don’t know what to do so…
She sits herself down
Upon her chair
Looks at the wall like she duznt kare
Duznt have a worry in the world
But she looks deserted and sad and mad
She Opens her closet
Takes out her purse
Looks inside wishing she was in a hurse
Puts her hand inside and smiles inside
Pulls out a razor
Breaks it apart
Rips off the blade
And sighs then cries
She takes off her shirt to reveal her scars
Looks in the mirror and wants to die
Her stomach and legs arms and wrists
Her boyfriend dumped her she is so pissed
She calls him up and begs for him to take her back
But he just laughs off his ass!
He hangs up and she calls her friend
Tells her he laughed and hung the phone up
She told her friend that she will never be loved
She hangs up the phone and picks up the blade
Her friend kalls back but she duznt answer
Shes blocked out everything and cant get the answer
To why no one loves her and why no 1 cares
This is something that she cannot bear
She rubs the cold blade along her wrist
The blood flows down to her fist
She writes the word unloved on her stomach
She now feels safe and puts down the blade
Looks up in the mirror and smiles
Gets a tissue to wipe up the blood
The blood that dripped all over the floor
The blood that dripped all over her door
The blood that dripped all over the counter
She feels no one kan hurt her more than she duz to herself
So she feels safe as a small mouse
In the Bathroom Stall
My lipgloss slides across my lips
The blood drips and drips
My hand slips
I slit my wrist
The sting the pain
Makes me feel safe
makes me feel loved when there is no trace
The pain makes me feel oh so great
Shit im so involed that im guna be late
I sit in the bathroom and make more cuts
Watch the blood
The wonderous puddles of blood
People will later visit the stall
see the blood and fall
they’ll think its from a gurl who hasd their period
Not from a gurl who slits her wrists
Thers cuts on my wrists
Theres cuts on my legs
Ill use ne thing
A pin A nail
A knife A blade
Of grass my ass is getting so fat
Im eating too much
I feel like a pig
Its not my fault depression sux
Fuck this shit man
Im going to feed the ducks
Get my mind off my life
Cut an apple
Here, have a slice
Leave my sight
So I can ruin
My soft pale skin
With a razor so thin
Being a Bi
No more sleeping pills
No more pain
Never had love
No more gain
I cannot eat
I cannot sleep
Cannot love
And cannot hate
Suicide seems like the only answer
I have wished so many times that I would have cancer
My razor seems to be my only real friend
Ouch that hurts this one is bent
Just like my friendships because of the way I am
Am I that bad?!
Put yourself in my point of view
Am I evil? What did I do?
Its not my fault that Im different than you!
I cant help my feeling
I cant change my thoughts
Unlike the happy people in the promenade lots
Misery ok but what the fuck do you want?
I refuse to change myself just for you
don’t treat me like an animal in the zoo
I will not change my mind because cannot
I am human, I will not be bought
I am not the one to blame
If your going blame someone, blame my brain
It cannot be tamed
I have become truly Insane
Me, oh ill walk down the lane
Run into the forest
Sit down and lay
Then ill get up try to be tame
Tie a rope round the tree and make a big knot
Look at me who wudda thought
Id turn out this way
Cuz I no I didn’t
Then put it over my head and make it tight
First watch the sunset
Then jump, good night
Self Satisfaction
The yelling
The screaming
Cant take n e more
The running
The slamming
Of the front door
I’m shaking
And pacing
don’t know what to do
You are so nieve
I want you to leave
I don’t want to see you beg on your knees
Id rather get stung by 10,000 bees
My self mutilation has become really bad
Bc thinking of my life makes me extremely mad
I don’t understand why you follow the “fad”
I hate that you treat me like a doll
Go get a hobby go to the mall
I jump off a building
My life has ended…
shit where am I going
Heaven or hell…
Uh oh…
When I’m Gone
My dry lips
My huge hips
None of you are completely true
These are the reasons that I hate you
You all tell lies
I know you all spy
On me when I write my emails
To my good friend, she’s female
You tell me bull shit
You spread rumors bout me and others
Your all assholes but no one bothers
To enlighten you on that fact
When im gone you will know what I lacked
I lacked confidence
I lacked sleep
I lacked wanting food to eat
I lacked good friends that I could trust
I lacked good parents if know you must
The Trickling
My heart is empty
I feel hollow and cold
My body is shaking
I’m loosing control
I don’t know what to do
Don’t know what to say
Inside, my head is exploding with past battles
But on the outside, I smile
I am in a trance
I feel like im dancing
Unsure of whats going on around me
I don’t feel much but sumthing is tickling
I look down and see blood trickling
Down my wrists
And down my legs
Down my arms
And my fingertips too
What did I do!?!
I clean up my mess
smile once more
I get up off my ass
And walk out of the bathroom door
On this Beautiful Day
On this Beautiful day
The sun was shining
The grass was green
Everyone is smiling
But me…
Why am I not happy like them
What is making me so angered and sad
I feel so damn incredibly mad!
Why is it me who feels like shit
Maybe this will make me feel better, ok its lit
Nope sorry it didn’t help
So I found another resort
Its painful like hell
Self mutilation has become the only way
If feels so good
Yet horrible scars are left for the memory
Good things that happen are always a memory
But this is so unexplainable
My friends don’t seem to understand
Im addicted to this mutilation at hand
These cuts protect me from seeing my real self
They make me feel loved because I am unsure of myself
The Lonely Girl
No1 bothers to pay ne attention
To the gurl that has scars all over
They no shes in pain
No one seems to give a Fuck
Everyone thinks itll all get better with luck
They don’t understand the pain shooting through her head
Shes so distressed, she wants to be dead
She sits in class and bleeds through her shirt
She looks like crap shes treated like dirt
She duznt know what its like to be loved
All she knows is how to be pushed and shoved
She gets beat up when shes at home
You see, she has no siblings shes all alone
No one knows the pain she goes through
They think its all in her head
All those battles, shes better off dead
These are the thoughts that go through her head
when she slices her beautiful skin
Those people that she calls her friends
They all are rude they just pretend
They don’t want to see that theyre friends life is bent
But theres to much to say, not enough time
So this is the end
Byebye my friends
Remember this story because its KEY!
This gurl you see, is actually me…
I Am
I Am…
I am a girl
A female figure
I am a cutter
Too many reasons to say
I am a human
not treated as one
I am depressed
So damn alone in the world
I am a high school student
Flunking my subjects
I am dead inside
But please don’t tell
I am a “Raver”
Or so people say
I am mature
But underestimated
I am a hopeless romantic
Unable to love
I am 14
Knowing too much
I am insane
But no one knows yet
I am a truthful person
That lies about herself
I am a Bi
But im hidden in the closet
I am loud
But right now im quiet
I am all but envied
Because I have scars
I am Unloved
And I don’t love myself
I am a creature
From outer space
I am everything but beautiful
Cant even look at myself
I am just any ordinary girl
Don’t you agree?
I Love
I love my house
I love my mouse
I love my dogs
I love my pogs
I love the blood upon my hips
upon my lips
upon my wrists
that drips all the way down to my fingertips
I love the scold
I love the mall
I love the candles burning new
and old not cold yes they are among the mold
I love my birds
I love the words
that come out of him when he is with me
I love the dragons and the flys
I love the dragonflys in the sky
I love my tears
I love my fears
I love my peers
I love the pretty deers
that gallop freely in the fields
I dont think my friends are true
sometimes i wish i was with you
I love you
Why?
Why are we here
Why do we breath
Why do we love
Why do we leave
Why are we cutters
Why do we mutter
Why is the Earth round
Why are we so profound
Why is there cherry coke
Why do we sit and mope
Why do we lie
Why do we die
Why does everyone throw fits
Why do we wear mits
Why do girls have tits
Why do we make babies
Why is the answer always maybe
Why do people get depressed
Why does nothing make any sense
Why has this world gone mad
Why do we all get so sad
Why are some people so damn cold
Why don’t I do as I’m told
Why?
Johnnys Story
a boy comes home to his humble abode
goes up to his room, in a happy mode
he is content and quite pleased with his life
until his father comes home with a knife
he beats him down
hes out of control
that SCAR on his knee is not a mole
he hides in the closet till he can’t hide n e more
he must try to escape
run out the door
never come back, forever more!
his father smokes cigarettes
he sits at the pub and makes bets
he lost all his money
now he is drunk
comes home to his wife and son that night
blames it onthem like its their fault
little johnny didnt know what to do
he is like a baby cow that duznt know how to moo
his father finds him and burns his skin
then throws that cigarette out in the bin
johnnys depressd and very sad
his mom runs in
What did he do?!?!
johnny is crying and his father is rude!
his mom starts crying and daddy hears
they jump out the window while he comes near
she protects him during the fall
breaks her arm and starts to ball
his dad runs off and tries to find them
they are gone and no where to be found
the boy run up back to his room
he can no longer run
hes too confused
he tells his mom hell be there in a minute
slit his throat and shoves it in him
he bleeds and bleeds all over the floor because of his father
he kant take n e more!
his mom goes up to his room to hurry him up
finds him dead on the floor and dont know what to do
slashes her wrists and finds her husbands gun
shoves it in her mouth and…
Bang!
this is the story of little johnnys short life
he never grew up
never had a wife
now hes in heaven and no londer depressd
he will be hapier there
for as long as he lives (in heaven, if it exsits)
Selfish
This misery inside of me
is not cast outside of me
becasue im scared of what’ll happen
I cover up my misery
with balck makeup
cuts and blood
theres nothing more that i could want
than to make this misery leave me
Its ripping, tearing at my heart
Im trying hard not to cry
now im bleeding on the inside
im not sure what to do
becasue i couldnt feel more alive
I love this feeling death is giving me
my adrenaline is pumping harder and harder
each time my blood flows
im trying not to take deep breaths
but the pain is just to harsh
its ripping my instesines
burrowing intoi my heart
breaking up my rib cage
I feel like killing sumone because of all this pain
My breaths are getting shorter
im trying not to sigh
is there nothing you can do to help!?
instead you leave me here to die
i want to die but dont
its quite hard to explain
but the only reasson i want to is to get rid of all this pain
i dont want to die inside
i actyualy wants to be saved
but no ones trying to save me
they are watching me bleed and die
im looking up andall i cazn see is the baby blue sky
the pain is really getting me now
then you come and say hey
i look at yuou and start to cry becasue i feel so shamed
how coudl i be so selfish
how cud i do this to my friends
theyb ask me if im ok now
but im realy not in the end
im laying in a pool of blood but they dint really kare
They just try and get me away from there
Iam so damn selfish
i only think of me
not the feelings of others around me
im still bleed everywhere im starting to cry again
They are balling their eyes out
becasuse theyr scare dof what will happen in the end
They didnt ever want me ti die
i put thoese thoughts in my head
and here im thinkin that hthey wanted me dead!
What was i think
i must be ptretty dumb
But theres another reason for misery to corrupt me later on…
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