Psyke.org

Kacey

I Hate Me

Copyright, Kacey

I pull the blade across and
Squeeze the droplets out.
I hate myself, I hate myself.
I bite my hand ‘til it bleeds,
Tasting the metallic sweet.
I hate myself, I hate myself.
One day, maybe I’ll let go
Of my addiction-my opiates.
I hate myself, I hate myself.
Today is a bad day, and
I feel like crying more tears.
I hate myself, I hate myself.
I fall asleep in class, and
I feel like crying from pain,
I hate myself, I hate myself.
I know I am not good enough,
I know I am not the answer
And I can’t stop hating myself.

The Rain Goes Away

Copyright, Kacey

So she says. She’s the type
To say something like that.
“It can’t rain all the time”
The Crow- the words
I listened to the first time
I ever cut myself.
That’s right. No more rain.
Just blood from my arm.
Forming its own droplets.
Falling onto the blue carpet-
Rose colored stains.
Thinking about my life…
Boys and girls I’ve kissed
Friends with benefits
Life is always fucked.
Yeah, the rain goes away.
Then the tornado comes.

Glazed Donut

Copyright, Kacey

Sugary sweet, melting
On warm tiny hands.
The tingle of sugar
And flour and love
Mixed together to
Create perfection. I
Don’t know what’s
Right, but I do know
That it’s good — even if
It’s a sin. Flowing out
Of me, its warmth
Covers me. And I don’t
Know how this is not
Normal. And I lick it
Off, and I taste it.
It feels like I’m finally
Where I belong. My
Razor sheds blood.
I’m reminded of a
Tasty glazed donut.

Little Girl Prays to “God”

Copyright, Kacey

Dear Lord, please, if I end up dead
Forgive me for the blood I’ve shed
I didn’t mean to be a sinner,
I merely wanted to feel like a winner.
I know it’s hard to understand
When you were holding me by the hand
Why I still relied on a razor’s feel
Just to know that I was real.
Oh Dearest God, please just know
This wasn’t how it was supposed to go.
I didn’t think I’d ever slip,
I held with such a steady grip.
I know you’re angry, and rightfully so
But this really is the best way to go
No more fear, no more pain-
No more razors, no more shame.
I shall pray to get to heaven,
To see your face as I step in,
But if I wind up in the other place,
Don’t think of me as a big disgrace.
Dying was never my intention,
Did I fail to mention…
My hand just slipped…
I didn’t have a steady grip.

For You

Copyright, Kacey

I’ll cut myself for you
So you can watch it bleed
Looking pleadingly in my eyes,
You suck the blood with greed.

I’ll relish in the feel
Of you feeding on my veins
Lashing out your anger
As you beat me with your chains.

Tears roll down the cheeks
As you lick them off my face
Biting while the blood flows out
And promises disgrace.

Whispering promises in my ear,
You’re not like all the rest.
Kissing me with heart and soul,
You’ve passed my final test.

I Wish I Could Say, “Fuck the World”

Copyright, Kacey

Full of hope, stupid emotions,
Sweat seeping through tiny pores.
Words melting the coolest front
Razor in hand, heavy heart.
Everything starts to spin, twirl, turn.
You leave me alone, hate me.
Tears softly cried on a lonely pillow…
Nails painted black with a heart to match.
Wishing flight were possible, but
Everything’s so distant, so far.
The world does not matter, and
You matter even less.

 

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