Psyke.org

Natalie

Untitled

Copyright, Natalie

I am your best friend who you don’t know.
I am your student.
I am your daughter.
I am your niece.
I am your cousin.
I am your granddaughter.
I am your friend.
I am this person left in the cold.
I am a person that soon will be dead.
I am a person who writes of death.
I am a person who’s believed to slits her wrists.
I am a person who starves herself.
I am a person who’s been betrayed.
I am the girl who you think is okay.
I am the girl who always laugh’s in the hall.
I am the girl who you think has the best life.
I am the girl who wants to be dead.
This life of my troubles, hell, and worries you think noting else of this.
I am a poet writing of my life.

Untitled

Copyright, Natalie

I am your daughter who you do not see.
I am your sister who you don’t really know the real me.
I am your student who always dares.
I am your friend who doesn’t really care.
I am myself, My own shame,
I am a hole, a deep hole in your life.
I am your niece who never has been known.
I am your patient that always has to be sewn.
I am my dream, of the person I am.
I am your cousin in your life, yes I am.

This Pool of Blood

Copyright, Natalie

This pool of blood, this life of pain
I’ve done it now, i had nothing to gain
My wrist is bleeding, blood dripping on the floor
No-body understands, how you have made me this sore
i couldnt take it anymore, the pain was too much
But to you it doesnt matter, that i miss your touch
Its sad but its true, i’ve lost control
My breathing is weakening, im not in control
Im drowning now, in this pool of blood
But you wont miss me, its a flood
How can you do this, sit back and know
That i am dying now, nice and slow
But this is what you wanted, you didnt want me there
Im drowning now in this pool of blood, but it doesnt matter, you dont care

Cries for Help

Copyright, Natalie

If you were me, what would you do
Feeling like shit everyday, never having a clue
The only thing you do know, is you feel like shit once you get out of bed
You feel so betrayed, with everything those around you have done and said
Nothing feels good, nothing feels right
This feeling gets more intense when i try to sleep at night
You do things for people to notice, so they can see
That i am dying, but no one has noticed me
Ive changed my image, overdosed, carved my skin
All these are cries for help, god forgive me for my sin
So what would you do, if you were me
Would you cry out for help, or just let it be

Try to Understand

Copyright, Natalie

Im sorry, if my actions have hurt you
I didnt want to hurt anyone, not even you
But sometimes my pain and emotions, run so deep
That i know if i dont do something now, i wont sleep
The way im feeling makes me feel insane
Please try to understand, that i didnt want to bring you pain
But whilt im bleeding, thats all i can see
I dont think of the bad, it sets me free
I know its wrong, but things arent good here
I dont know what to do,im full of fear
After its over, i look at my wrist and cry
Why did i have to feel this way, please tell me why
I know that you care, but theres nothing you can do
Making me promise i wont do it, wont change me or you

Screaming

Copyright, Natalie

I cant look into my soul, im scared of what i’ll see
A bitch, a whore, a no body is all i’ll be
No body can change that, its just my thought
I cant help how i think, or that im distraught
Im sick of people trying to change me
Into something they want me to be
They need to get over it, move on now
But its too late, i’ll trap them,you’ll see how
i’ve tried to kill my pain, but i only got more
i got so much more pain, my body is sore
I feel like im dying, my body is screaming
The cut on my arm is bleeding, its a radient red its glisening and beaming
I wish my pain would go away
I want to live a single happy day
My life makes no sense to me, whats the point

Voices

Copyright, Natalie

Let me go, get off me, let me be
Im falling apart, i dont want to live my life cant you see
Why try to stop me, why tell me what to do
You dont know how i feel, or what im going through
I’ll do what i want, nothing you say can change my mind
Why are you here, why are you being so kind
Im nothing special, i dont have any meaning to my existance
Stop trying to stop me, i wont give in to your insistance
Let me go, i want this over with, i want this done
Stop trying to tell me that my life can be fun
Please go away, get out of my head
The voices i hear annoy me, i wish i were dead

To The Ones I Love Im Sorry

Copyright, Natalie

I dont know why im here, what am i still doing alive
I must be a fighter, ive been through so much and ive managed to survive
I dont know my purpose to life
I feel so betrayed, as i smile at the knife
I have these thoughts race through my mind
Ive been hurt so many times, i must be blind
In my mind i picture myself
Grabbing ahold of that knife thats on the shelf
I run my hand over the blade
My visions are clear, but soon they fade
I wish i wasnt around, if i were gone would anyone care
Would my friends, my family, or you realise i wasnt there
Ive made up my mind, i love my friends and my family, but i hate you
Befor i go, i’ll write a letter and say “this is what he made me do”
I grabbed the knife, found my vein,slice it down
It hurts like hell, the blood is pissing out i fall to the ground
Its over now you dont have to worry
I did what i had to to the ones i love im sorry

Angel

Copyright, Natalie

Where is that angel I need from above.
Where is that angel’s heavenly touch.
I didn’t think I was asking for that much.

I am asking God to help me out,
My heart’s in its deepest of all doubts.

I need this chance to get back on my feet,
This will be my final plea.
My feet can no longer withstand this weight,
Maybe I should just follow my fate.

Help me now, help me never,
Just let me get through this day,
Without having to suffer.

I try to smile, try to have fun,
But I can’t go on any longer living pretend.
Now’s the time, I’ll have to try and be my own friend.

This hurting inside won’t go away,
For what I did I’ll have to pay.
The maximum price is my happiness,
But by now I should be used to this.

Today I need your help more than ever,
My angel, if you’re there…

Untitled

Copyright, Natalie

Don’t want to live anymore
Too much effort
Want to die
Want to rest
I’m sick
And tired
Of everything
In my life
What’s the point
Of trying
Nothing gets better
Only gets worse
So why bother
With living?
All you get
Is pain
And misery
Slowly killing you
Inside
Bit by bit
Until
There’s nothing left

I Never Did Before

Copyright, Natalie

The pale moonlight
pours onto my bedroom floor.

I wont turn the light on..
I never did before.

Sitting here,
leaning against the wall,
Watching the shadows,
Watching leaves fall

Crumpled in a corner
Tears line my cheeks
Thinking of the memories
I wish I didnt keep.

I am alive
My eyes are well
darting from heaven
back down to hell

I see you all
living so free
why is it so hard to accept
me for me?

I dont understand
I am so confused
I hate you
but its they who have abused..

I cant stand you
I flinch whenever you are near
but its them.. who I should fear.

Yet its them I love,
them I adore..
You never hurt me..
not even once,
and they used to repeatedly when i was
a child..

The images come back
as if it was yesterday
I let them
I let them..
The memories fade.. right?
no.. they stay, sharp as the knife that slices my skin night after night

beacuse they dont get out,
they stay within
ripping me to shreds

curled in the corner
once more
I wont turn the light on
I never did before…

Beauty

Copyright, Natalie

I can find beauty in everything but myself.
Nothing I try seems to help. I see the bemusing complexion of a tree, the extreme simplicity of a flower or bee.
Why cant I find this beauty in me?

They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder… you must be blind they always told her.
It’s hard to understand this pain she endures, maybe if she could find this so called beauty, she could be cured.
You will make it through the rain I hear them say, too bad this rain can’t wash away my pain.

Like I said I can find beauty in most anything, why can’t I find this beauty in me.

 

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