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Dharma Wild

Dharma

Copyright, Dharma Wild

Let me tell you a little story about a little girl who didn’t have a family.

There once was a little girl who lived in a big house in a rich suburb. Her mommy was a student in an ivy league school and her daddy was a successful buisseness man.

One night when she was still too small to remember, her daddy opened the door to her bedroom in the middle of the night and stroked her hair. He took that little girl’s innocence away that night, and he did it again and again every night for a very long time. This little girl thought that maybe this wasn’t right so she told her mommy, and her mommy took her to a therapist.

The therapist had her head so far up her ass she didn’t even know there was another person in the room. The little girl’s mommy couldn’t deal and she began to throw up meals, getting more and more thin. The little girl’s daddy started drinking and taught the little girl how to mix drinks. He started throwing beer bottles at the little girl and hitting her and her mommy when she was very young. No one thought to go to the police because everything seemed so perfect from the outside.

One day the little girl’s mommy ran away from her daddy, and they moved into a little condo in Rye. Her mommy got mean because of her bulimia, and would yell and scream at the little girl so much she cried herself to sleep at night, and her daddy would call and tell her the most disturbing things.

One day her daddy was supposed to pick her up and take her to the mall for her first year at camp, but he never showed up, he left her sitting in the rain for five whole hours crying because she didn’t think she was good enough. One day when she was still too young all of her friends dumped her, and made a day every week dedicated to making her miserable. Her daddy kept calling and telling her he was holding pillows at night thinking about her and her mommy kept getting thinner and lashing out at her more, so the little girl decided she wanted to die.

So everyday instead of going to classes she sat on the window sill of the third story bathroom in her school and tried to push herself off, but she could never do it. Instead of the school seeing this as a problem, they just yelled at the girl for missing classes and for allowing herself to be victimized. For a whole year she was suicidal.

Finally she was taken to a magical place that made her all better, a camp. After that camp, she went to a boarding school which picked on her, they made her feel weird and dumb, and they forced her to be on so much medication she couldn’t stand up straight. She was expelled from that school for “clash of cultures” as the head of school said, and she was forced into a special education program. She went back to her magical camp and was happy, then gladly went to the special education program.

By this time she had been on so many medications the list was a mile long. Soon after her admittance to the special education program, she started self injuring again, and was soon hospitalized. After one of the hardest years she was anxious to return to camp, but she was expelled from camp for hurting herself after a nurse lied to her and told her she could be confidential when she couldn’t. This little girl was left heart broken, scared and alone, forced to live with herself without the respite of camp, and she became suicidal again.

Resisting the urge to cut, she began to draw again, but her poetic soul was lost, and she feared it would never return. this little girl, as you might have guessed, is me, and this is my life in check.

 

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