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How to handle a phone call from a suicidal person
by David L. Conroy, Ph.D. Original location
- Be yourself. 'The right words' are unimportant. If you
are concerned, your voice and manner will show it.
- Listen. Let the person unload despair, ventilate anger.
If given an opportunity to do this, he or she will feel
better by the end of the call. No matter how negative the
call seems, the fact that it exists is a positive sign, a
cry for help.
- Be sympathetic, non-judgmental, patient, calm, accepting.
The caller has done the right thing by getting in touch
with another person.
- If the caller is saying 'I’m so depressed, I can’t go
on,' ask The Question: 'Are you having thoughts of
suicide?' You are not putting ideas in his head, you are
doing a good thing for him. You are showing him that you
are concerned, that you take him seriously, that it is OK
for him to share his pain with you.
- If the answer is yes, you can begin asking a series of
further questions: Have you thought about how you would
do it (PLAN); Have you got what you need (MEANS); Have
you thought about when you would do it (TIME SET). 95% of
all suicidal callers will answer no at some point in this
series or indicate that the time is set for some date in
the future. This will be a relief for both of you.
- Simply talking about their problems for a length of time
will give suicidal people relief from loneliness and pent
up feelings, awareness that another person cares, and a
feeling of being understood. They also get tired -- their
body chemistry changes. These things take the edge off
their agitated state and help them get through a bad
night.
- Avoid arguments, problem solving, advice giving, quick
referrals, belittling and making the caller feel that has
to justify his suicidal feelings. It is not how bad the
problem is, but how badly it’s hurting the person who has
it.
- If the person is ingesting drugs, get the details (what,
how much, alcohol, other medications, last meal, general
health) and call Poison Control at _______________. A
shift partner can call while you continue to talk to the
person, or you can get the caller’s permission and do it
yourself on another phone while the caller listens to
your side of the conversation. If Poison Control
recommends immediate medical assistance, ask if the
caller has a nearby relative, friend, or neighbor who can
assist with transportation or the ambulance. In a few
cases the person will initially refuse needed medical
assistance. Remember that the call is still a cry for
help and stay with him in a sympathetic and
non-judgmental way. Ask for his address and phone number
in case he changes his mind. (Call the number to make
sure it’s busy.) If your organization does not trace
calls, be sure to tell him that.
- Do not go it alone. Get help during the call and debrief
afterwards.
- Your caller may be concerned about someone else who is
suicidal. Just listen, reassure him that he is doing the
right thing by taking the situation seriously, and
sympathize with his stressful situation. With some
support, many third parties will work out reasonable
courses of action on their own. In the rare case where
the third party is really a first party, just listening
will enable you to move toward his problems. You can ask,
'Have you ever been in a situation where you had thoughts
of suicide?'
The most important pain-coping resource is the help of a
trained mental health professional. A person who feels
suicidal should get help, and get it sooner rather than later.
Counselors and therapists online with whom you can talk
by e-mail
If you want to talk to someone face-to-face who will help
you get through this crisis, but you’re not sure how to
start... click here to learn how to Choose A Competent
Counselor.
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