Thyra
Love Me
Copyright Thyra
love me, trust me,
i know your heart is mine,
hug me, kiss me,
when your near i feel divine.
hold me, comfort me,
youre all i really need
see me, caress me,
but then you did the dirty deed.
lie to me, cry to me,
i dont give a damn,
touch me, fuck me,
you dont know who i am.
use me, abuse me,
i’ll play the part of your whore,
lick me, kick me,
i dont know what to do anymore.
beat me, leave me,
all i can do is cry,
end me, send me,
i just want to die.
A Living Hell
Copyright Thyra
You make my life a living hell, the beatings and the shame.
You took away all I had You’re a beast I cannot tame.
I try so hard to forget but I’m hurting and I’m numb.
I ask myself what did I do, what have I become?
I look at myself but cannot see I’m causing all the pain.
Why can I not escape, see that I’m the one to blame?
Now it’s almost over, I’m crying and I’m beat.
But still theres an empty space, somehow I’m incomplete.
The Veil of Darkness
Copyright Thyra
The veil of darkness is coming upon me as I
sit groping for a sense of reality.
Unknown shadows dance upon my thoughts,
encircling them in their unnatural bleakness.
I open my mouth to cry out but no sound
comes to my parched lips.
The promise of death lingers upon me.
I cannot fight it any longer.
The joyful light that used to enlighten my
soul has perished.
I am eternally intertwined with the darkness.
There is no escape.
I sit hopelessly in the veil of darkness
condemned to never again see the light of day;
thriving only to seek out a sense of reality.
Why
Copyright Thyra
Why did you do this to me,
lie to me like I’m nothing?
You tell your friends I don’t matter,
while you tell me that I’m the only one.
Why did you do this to me,
pretending you actually cared.
You brought me up then tore me down,
I guess I’m just your fool.
Why did you do this to me,
hopefully someday I’ll get over it.
You were my first and my last,
my beginning and end.
Why did you do this to me?
Frustrated
Copyright Thyra
Ended friendships, misunderstood words,
everything seems like its ending.
Confusing breakups, impossible hookups,
nothing seems to make any sense.
It seems like everyone, everywhere,
wants you to be on their side,
but in reality nobody’s on yours.
Wanting only what everyone promises,
love, understanding, and joy.
No one listens, no one seems to care,
wishing only for a happy ending.
So frustrated, not knowing which way to go,
wanting only for a little light to shine in your direction.
Transformation
Copyright Thyra
Tears fall, for each lost love,
tattered and torn, an angel falls from above.
A broken seraphim, blood drenched wings,
loneliness and sorrow, are the melodies she now sings.
Once perfect feathers, now looked upon with distaste,
mangled and red, she’s been defaced.
Crying softly, all alone,
wishing to express her pain, only able to moan.
Feeling forgotten, she turns to the blade,
the cold steel bites her ivory flesh, and helps the memories fade.
Tears fall, from her once angelic face,
blood seeps from her skin, staining her satin and lace.
No longer a beautiful angel, now condemned to mortality,
shattered from lost love, forced to face harsh reality.
Ending herself, killing her soul,
wanting to escape, tired of playing this role.
Once a radiant seraphim, caught up in love,
now just an empty spirit, fallen from above.
Trembling
Copyright Thyra
my hands tremble… wishing i could cut the pain away;
watch it seep from my body, no longer having to stay.
it would give me the “out” i need, God what it takes to survive;
the agony almost more than i can bare, i dont want to stay alive.
my body is staring to quiver, why am i so cold;
something blankets cannot begin to touch, the iciness takes hold.
the bitter chill, it seeps into my bones;
going deeper than imagined, the frostbite just condones.
nothing seems to help, all alone in this war;
and still my hands tremble… as i take the knives from the drawer
Dying Inside
Copyright Thyra
dying inside, i dont know what to do,
looking back at myself, i’m someone i never really knew.
empty inside, heart blackened with hate,
them that helped destroy me, made me a blank slate.
drawing out my pain, becoming someone i didnt think i was meant to be,
but as i turn to look in the mirror, i realize this is the real me.
not quite a stranger is reflected, but not who i thought i was,
looking closer at myself, than any sane person does.
seeing the opportunity, to be who i really am,
but scared to leave behind everything i know, ceasing to give a damn.
letting go of lost love, forgetting friendships gone sour,
creating a new beginning, such horribly electrifying power.
to forget what i was, what i used to be,
i’d have to let go all i loved, and let out the inner me.
Forever Broken
Copyright Thyra
inside my soul inner demons haunt, never letting me rest,
slitting my wrists seems to help, healing my pain the best.
blood covers my skin, as the blade grazes my wrist,
scarring the ivory flesh, where my my loved ones once have kissed.
never again will i scream for them, never again will i lie,
in my dreams pain is relived, crying as i die.
the blade is my comfort, with blood comes release,
with each cut that i make, comes a freeing inner peace.
you can try and help, you can kiss away my tears,
but forever i’ll be broken, caught up in my fears.
Stuck
Copyright Thyra
regret muddles my mind, sorrow burdens my soul,
right now this life doesnt seem worth living, inside there is a hole.
i cannot change the past, its all been said and done,
im afraid to change the future, terrified of what i might become.
i want to hide away, vanish without a trace,
to escape all my sorrow, not having to come to face.
a coward and a liar, thats all i am in my eyes,
a nobody worth nothing, my life is filled with lies.
i dont want to be who i am, afraid to be what im not,
lost in myself, wondering what ive got.
i dont fear death itself, but im fearful of what it brings,
not knowing what i truely want, my life hanging on strings.
lost and alone, inside uncertainty grows,
unsure of what to do, wondering if anyone knows.
maybe i want to be alone, or maybe i just need time,
because right now its like i cant be found, im stuck in my rhyme.
Young Love
Copyright Thyra
my crying days are over, my nights of longing have passed,
your make believe desire, has screwed up my past.
fuck who you are today, fuck who you’ll be tomorrow,
i’ll never let you in again, you’ve brought on too much sorrow.
once i was caught up, once you were my need,
fuck you and those times, this is one life you’ll never lead.
i yearn and i long, for those times long gone,
before you lead me to throw away my life, before i was drawn.
but now there are scars, in my soul and upon my skin,
parts of me that will never heal, both ouside and within.
your lies tainted my past, creating memories i cant forget,
i wish it had never happened, it has only left regret.
i can pretend not to care, to say i dont give a fuck,
but deep inside i pain, having trouble giving it all up.
how can just one person, hurt your heart so bad?
it hurts because you let them, giving them all you had.
young love is a killer, it’ll make you want to die,
but without it life is nothing, living would be a lie.
Love Me
Copyright Thyra
love me, trust me,
i know your heart is mine,
hug me, kiss me,
when your near i feel divine.
hold me, comfort me,
youre all i really need
see me, caress me,
but then you did the dirty deed.
lie to me, cry to me,
i dont give a damn,
touch me, fuck me,
you dont know who i am.
use me, abuse me,
i’ll play the part of your whore,
lick me, kick me,
i dont know what to do anymore.
beat me, leave me,
all i can do is cry,
end me, send me,
i just want to die.
Waiting on Life
Copyright Thyra
so scared, so scared for life,
something burning inside, like a hot knife.
saying goodbye to what ive known, preparing my burdened heart,
willing to care for the life,
that i helped to start.
little and innocent, bitterly sweet,
terrified for the life inside, i may never meet.
unsure and unready, afraid of oncoming birth,
but losing them would be worse, burying them beneath the earth.
hoping for the best, whispering silent prayers,
tears wet my face, as i sit on the stairs.
not at all ready to care, but fearful to lose,
the baby growing inside, hoping for good news.
desire growing inside, waiting on thin ice,
to see if this babe will make it, to go on to live its life.
Won’t Anyone Listen?
Copyright Thyra
i dont want to live, i dont want to die,
so i just pull down my sleeves, and keep living this lie.
i tear at my wrists, i pull out my hair,
the pain inside, is almost more than i can bear.
im shattered inside, my souls been torn apart,
bleeding helps me feel real, it numbs my broken heart.
screaming out from inside, im lost and confused,
can anyone see through my mask, or are they bemused?
am i alone, in this world so cold,
or will someone hear my pleading, and let my story unfold?
kept up inside, my anguish and my fear,
i want to let it out, but im afraid someone will hear.
my troubles and my sorrow, tragedies no one wants to know,
pretending it isnt real, just discourages me to tell of my woe.
bottled up within, memories blacken my heart,
please anyone who’s willing to listen, where should i start?
should i tell of misplaced love, from a father for his child,
or should i let it go, letting all be reconciled?
who am i to place the blame, of murderous mistakes,
do i deserve justice, everytime my heart aches?
who can i trust, to love me like their own,
who wont drop me when i cry, and all i can do is moan?
i need someone to help, is that someone you,
if it is just hold me and listen, thats all you can do.
I Did It For You
Copyright Thyra
each time i cut, i cut for you,
the blood is all yours, its the least i can do.
i know i messed up, that i cant forget,
trying to make it up, with each wrist that i slit.
i want your love, i want your soul,
youre the reason for my existance, you make me whole.
the scars on my body, the blood on the floors,
i did it for you, all of it is yours.
i thought that if i cut, you’d take back all you said,
but still you turn away, wishing i were dead.
i dont understand, why did you turn your back,
what am i missing, what do i lack?
each time i cut deeper, trying to fix whats been done,
but each time i fail, the guilt weighs a ton.
why dont you love me, why do you turn away,
why do you curse me, do you mean what you say?
i want you to love me, so i tear away at my skin,
but in the end you laugh, my ignorance let you win.
Mourning Time
Copyright Thyra
friends mourn the loss, of the one that was slain,
the death so unexpected, she must have gone insane.
the sadness the blade has brought, like a cloud hovering above,
crying in the memory, of the one whom we loved.
nobody could have known, who would have ever guessed?
we wont remember her for what shes done, we’ll remember her at best.
why did she do it, what bleak shadow tainted her soul?
to herself and all around her, loneliness was the toll.
was life so unbearable, nothing seemed worth the fight?
losing faith in so much, that death just felt so right?
theres things we’ll never know, not quite understand,
things gone without change, like a timer out of sand.
everyone will remember, the sense of reality that she brought,
the unfair sorrow draped upon loved ones, never to be forgot.
in the end nobody will understand, not even she herself will know,
what possessed her heart to commit the sin, that brought upon this woe.
Moving On
Copyright Thyra
moving on with my life, teardrops lead the way,
going on with my life, today’s just another day.
there’s no going back, now there’s only what’s to come,
going on with my life, changing into what i must become.
now the days are so slow, every breath is harder than before,
but i just have to press on, my life could be so much more.
the memories of what were are fading, nothing is the same,
losing the person i was before, now ive only got my name.
because life is so cruel, the screaming never stops,
hard as hell, blood stains the path down the road of my life,
all the scrapes and scratches hurt, but i’ll just stitch em up. theres no escape today, hoping to get out tomorrow,
but no matter where you go, theres always pain and sorrow.
crushed in this dark despair called hell, my name is now meaningless,
fading are my words, and my soul is strenuous.
unrational pain haunts, so called love intertwined with fate,
broken and destroyed, im brought down to my lowest state.
On My Skin
Copyright Thyra
most people hide it, patterns carved on skin,
but i let mine show, revealing my pain within.
each time i cut, theres the fear someone will see,
but then i cease to care, letting out the inner me.
no one really cares, although they pretend for awhile,
but after they see who i am, they just shake their head and smile.
they think i want their attention, and thats why i bear my cuts,
but really i could care less, i dont give a fuck.
even while its hidden, it hurts just the same,
why should i make the effort to hide it, it doesnt diminish the shame.
i dont want the pity, i just want release,
and thats what my scars give me, a freeing inner peace.
so dont look at my cuts, and think you know who i am,
dont pretend you care, i know you dont give a damn.
i spill my blood for myself, its my own little escape,
drawing out my pain, with each vein i viciously rape.
so next time you see my pain, showing on my skin,
think before you reprimand me, afterall its just pain from within.
Not Anymore
Copyright Thyra
i used to laugh, but now i cry,
i used to dream, but now i want to die.
i used to love, but now i hate,
i used to care, but now all i can do is wait.
i wait for death, i wait for pain,
i dont want to live, just mark me slain.
inside im already dead, i dont feel at all,
i dont hear a thing, just deaths timely call.
leave me alone, leave me for dead,
i dont want your pity, for the red tears i shed.
i did it for love, i did it for lust,
i dont need anyone, i dont have the trust.
please no more lies, dont tell me you care,
besides i cant even hear it, now all i can do is stare.
cold is my body, blank are my eyes,
you didnt even know, i skipped my goodbyes.
now im alone, i dont have to feel,
its like i never happened, i was never real.
Raindrop Tears
Copyright Thyra
raindrops fall, in the still of the night,
one alone wonders, if what she’s doing is right.
his words still echo out their presence, within her soul,
words that completed her being, making her whole.
frost settles, on the evening dew,
dreams crash and burn, she thought to be true.
weeping alone, harboring a broken spirit,
wanting to shout out her pain, so the whole world could hear it.
desperately trying to undo, what had been done,
looking everywhere for lost answers, but finding none.
cutting away her pain, drawing out her breath,
sobbing in the darkness finally finding death.
Loving Me
Copyright Thyra
loving me can’t be easy, yet still he persistantly cares,
everytime i cut, i’m living out his nightmares.
but tenderly i fondle the blade, feeling it caress my skin,
one slice wouldn’t hurt, just to let out the pain within.
he wouldnt have to know, it would be so easy to hide,
insisting everything’s fine, he’d never know if i lied.
staring at the blade, damp hands pick it up,
longing for release, thoughts begin to corrupt.
habits are hard to break, the temptation slowly grows,
wanting to feel myself bleed, for a reason nobody really knows.
breathing coming hard, cold metal sits upon my wrist,
wanting so badly to cut, old feelings start to insist.
but then i think of the one i love, and how much pain it’d cause,
how could i even think of doing it, i withdraw the blade and pause.
crying out in remorse, i breakdown into tears,
how could i come so close, to living out their fears?
i came so close to hurting those i love, especially the one i love most,
even though i didnt do it, i came so damn close.
hopefully he will forgive me, for the sin that i did do,
i thought of doing what i knew would hurt him, hopefully we can start anew.
Have You Ever?
Copyright Thyra
Have you ever felt the way blood feels when it runs down your leg? How the silky smoothness collides with the bittersweet gash? A tingling sensation that just seems to overwhelm? Usually you don’t think about it. You think about how you accidentally cut yourself, you don’t bask in the feeling. You just want to clean yourself up and stop the blood flow. And you’d never think about how to keep it going. never. That’s normal for you. That’s healthy for you. You don’t want to bleed. You don’t want to access the feeling or find out why it can feel one way when you bleed from one spot and a totally different way from another.
Once You
Copyright Thyra
Once you start, you can’t stop, once you stop, it’s all you think about, once you think about it, you can’t help but start.
Nothing
Copyright Thyra
Nothing can be said. There is nothing to be said. Nothing can be done. There is nothing to do. Nothing can be changed. There is nothing to change. Nothing can be fixed. There is nothing to fix.
It Makes Me Feel
Copyright Thyra
It burns. Warm. Tingling. It should hurt. But it doesn’t. It feels good. I like it. It makes me feel alive. Almost reassuringly.
So Many Things
Copyright Thyra
There are so many things people don’t know about me. Things I’d never even dare to say out loud in fear that someone might hear me. Nobody really knows who I am. Not even me.
Bad Habits
Copyright Thyra
There never seems to be enough dirt to fill in the holes, or enough drawers to hide the knives in… Addiction is the hardest habit to break.
Questions
Copyright Thyra
everything gets dark, it all seems so bleak,
walking around aimlessly, unaware of what i seek.
i ask myself so many questions, although no answers are within sight,
should i keep holding on, or just surrender the fight?
i just want escape, to close my eyes and sleep,
if i never wake, would anybody weep?
who really cares, if i hide all alone,
am i forever lost, or is my bloody secret known?
will it stain the carpet, if i bleed on the floor,
will it shatter my heart, if i cease to care anymore?
who does it hurt, each time that i fail,
who feels the pain, each time i silently wail?
how will it feel, sudden oncoming death,
how hard will it be, to take my very last breath?
will mh body numb, when the end is near,
will my heart be pounding, racing out in fear?
will i feel the blood, seeping from my veins,
will my eyes cloud over, as my life slowly wanes?
who will find the razor, i used to cut my wrist,
who will find my body, when i finally rest?
will you be there to cry, when im gone and dead,
will you even care, that i died drenched in red?
what will you think, when im not there,
what will cross your mind, when you see my empty chair?
who will you tell, that you once loved me so,
or will you cease to care, when i finally go?
please if nothing else, dont forget who i used to be,
laughing and smiling playfully, when i was really me.
You’d Think
Copyright Thyra
tearing away at my skin, blood spills on the floor.
you think with time i’d want to stop, but i want it even more.
hiding by myself, my life at my will.
completely in control, but i can’t seem to hold still.
my hands start to shake, as i reach towards the knife.
this could be the last time i cut, one slip could take my life.
sliding the blade across my flesh, slowly blood appears.
thoughts of death slip my mind, only bleak coldness sears.
relief floods my soul, as the emptiness numbs my mind.
all is forgotten, as pain is left behind.
tears streak my face, as warm blood seems to freeze.
pulse rapidly rising, i fall to my knees.
crawling towards the sink, blood coats the floor.
guilt and shame coming back, why didn’t i think of it before.
all the ones ive hurt, the price i’m stuck to pay.
wondering how to explain, what could i possibly say?
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