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Seletua

Dead

Copyright Seletua

I want to scream
I want to cry
I want to die

I want to scream until I bleed
I want to cry until I’m dry
I want to die until I’m dead

I want to slit my wrists
And bleed until there’s nothing left to bleed
Lying on the floor
in a pool of my own blood

Screaming and crying
Because you did this to me
You with your stupid problems
Throwing them on my shoulders

Stressing me more
Than I’m already stressed
Making me cut more
Than I’m already cutting
Depressing me more
Than I already am

Making me scream
Making me cry
Making me want to die

Screaming in Pain
Crying in Vain
Driving myself insane

Giving me more pain than I can handle
Making me bleed more
Than I’m want to

Cutting harder
Killing more
Dying faster

Screaming
Cause I’m dying
Knowing that there’s nothing
Anyone can do to stop it

Dying
Cause there’s nothing left to bleed
Giving up hope
I willing give my last breath

Smiling
Cause I’m happy
More than I’ve ever been
Although it hurts
I’ll do it anyway

Happy
Because I’m dying
Knowing that my life will end
No more problems
No more stress

I’m almost dead now
Can hardly breath
Can barely see

While losing conscience
I realize
That there’ll be

No more screaming
No more crying
I’m dead

Death

Copyright Seletua

Is it wrong?
Or is it right?
To you wrong
To me right

I see it
I feel it
So close
Yet so far away

No more problems
No more stress
Sounds nice
So appealing

Razor blade
On my wrist
The cool blade
Warming my skin

Wanting it
With craving desire
Needing it
With requiring lust

Do it!
Do it!
Cries the voice
Contained inside my skull

Back and forth
Back and forth
Lightly pushing,
Into my skin

Red dots appear
On vulnerable peach
Blood streams
On broken skin

Blood runs red
Over my fingers
Hits the floor
Staining it a dark crimson

Sight becomes blurry
Standing becomes unsteady
The room is spinning
And the floor rushes up to meet me

The sound of sirens
Screaming in the distance
Running out of blood
Becoming cold

Can’t breathe
Can’t feel
Losing conscience
Don’t care

Pressure on my wrists
Breathing mask on my face
CPR
Nothing

Heart monitor
Hooked up to me
And all they hear
Is the sound of death

Life

Copyright Seletua

I walk on this path
Set out for me
Afraid to stumble
Terrified to fall
For if I do
The result could mean
More pain
Or even death
For this path
Resembles my life
And every time I stumble
I cut myself
Once more
And if I were to fall
To the ground — exhausted
Because I can’t take any more
Weight on my shoulders
My life will end
For I will have taken
My last breath
Giving death
So you see
I walk on this path
Of mine
With the stress of life
Weighing on my shoulders
Tempting me to stumble
Wanting me to fall
But I stop
Take a breath
And take one more step

Two Days

Copyright Seletua

What do I do?
I can’t decide
Only two days
Left to choose
Do I live?
Or do I die?
Live, die
Live, die
Such a hard decision,
Can’t decide
Live, or die?
I’ve been contemplating
This question,
For about a month now
Live, or die?
I’ve made lists,
But I still can’t decide
Live, or die?
I want to live
I want to die
I think about it
I write about it
I imagine it
But, I still can’t decide,
Do I keep on living?
Or do I end this life, and die?
Well?
What do I do?
I can’t decide,
So how about YOU decide!
YOU make this hard decision!
YOU tell me!
Do I live?
Or do I die?
C’mon, decide already!
YOU’RE the reason,
That I’m thinking about this!
YOU’RE the reason,
I have all this pain inside me!
YOU!
So, YOU decide!
I need to know
You’ve got two days
Do I live?
Or do I die?

Tired

Copyright Seletua

Tired of problems
Tired of stress
Tired of wanting,
Tired of needing to cut,
Just so I can cope
With this pathetic life of mine
Sick of the damn cuts and bruises on my body,
That I cant live without
Sick of ‘friends’
Telling me that I’m a freak
Sick of this goddamn freakin’ life!
Damn it!
Why won’t it go away?
I keep cutting
With knives and razors
Going deeper and deeper,
Hitting myself with my fists,
With metal, wood,
Slamming myself into the walls—
—But the damn pain won’t go away!
I’m doing everything that I can
To make it go away
But it wont!
And I’m sick of it!
Sick of fighting off the urge to cut!
Sick of trying to get this
Goddamned depression to go away!
Sick of fighting these inner demons.
I can’t take it anymore,
I think I’m losing my sanity.
I can’t stop thinking about suicide,
Can’t stop imagining myself committing suicide.
What do I have to do?
How can I make it all go away?

The Never-ending Cycle of the Line

Copyright Seletua

Her grades have been dropping
Her blood has been dripping
From her slashed wrists
Her notebook full of words
And that’s when she knew

She walks on this line
This line in between life and death
And now the line ends
Splitting in two
And now she’s left to choose

I suppose I saw it in her eyes
And knew all along
That this was it
It was now time
To make the final decision

Not knowing what to do
I stay in the shadows
In denial
Wondering just what
The final out come will be

I look at her from afar
War with my emotions
On what I should do
But I know there’s nothing I can do now
I can only sit and wait

I look in her eyes
And I now I know
No more contemplation
Only resolution
The decision has been made

Tears flow freely down my face
As I hug her goodbye
I say everything that I need to say
While memorizing every last detail of her
Knowing this is the last time I would see her alive

I watch her walk away
Disappearing in the distance
With the weight on her shoulders lifted
Knowing that problems and stress no longer matter
For this was the end

Now, I carry the weight on my shoulders
As I walk through this life
Struggling through stress and problems
Suddenly afraid I realize
That I am now walking on the line

Suicide

Copyright Seletua

Suicide
The word that’s deep inside
Impounded into my head
Wanting to be bled

Untitled

Copyright Seletua

Don’t want to live anymore,
Too much effort
Want to die,
Want to rest
I’m sick,
And tired
Of everything
In my life
What’s the point
Of trying?
Nothing gets better,
Only gets worse
So why bother
With living?
All you get
Is pain
And misery
Slowly killing you
Inside
Bit by bit
Until
There’s nothing left

Mirror’s Reflection

Copyright Seletua

Mirror, mirror
On the wall
Who’s the fairest one of all?
Don’t know?
Well, let me tell you a little secret
It’s not her

Every morning
I play a little game
Called avoidance
Because you see
The mirror
Is my enemy
For I hate
And despise
That girl
That is reflected back

Broken glass, broken glass
Shattered on the floor
Who’s the ugliest one of all?
Can you guess who?
It’s the one with
The bloodied fists
It’s her

Every evening
I play a little game
Called pain
Because you see
The mirror is my enemy
And when I see her
I break the glass
For she is not worthy
To be seen

Little girl, little girl
Who’s reflected in the mirror
Why do you hate her?
Why do you punish her
For making mistakes?
Why do you push her down
When she achieves?
Every day
You tie her down
Lock her up
Starve her
Beat her
She cannot be free
She must suffer
In this hell
That I have created

Mirror, mirror
On the wall
Who’s the one in denial?
I’m the one in denial
For I refuse to believe
That the little girl
In the mirror
Is me

Me

Copyright Seletua

Hitting legs
Burning ankles
Cutting arms
Slitting wrists
Just to cope
With this life
Of mine
That I’m forced to live
One that I hate and despise
With my whole being

Too fat
Too short
Too ugly
Too stupid
Nothing but a
Pathetic loser
Who can’t do
Anything right
I’m nothing more
And a whole lot less

Walking Away

Copyright Seletua

I see it
Walking by
Resting on the counter
Gleaming in the sun
Calling to me
I stop

I start to remember
My past mistakes
I begin to think
Of present pain
I envision
Future stress

With all of these things
Threatening to overwhelm
I pick it up
And with all emotions gone
I lightly run it
Up and down my arm

I stop at the wrist
And think of the pros
And cons
Trying to decide
Whether I should
Do it or not

Everything hits me at once
Making me cry out
In pain
At the sudden
And harshness
Of them

Coming to a conclusion
I softly whisper,
‘Not today.’
With an act of courage
I set it back down
And walk away

 

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