Sarah
They Know Now
Copyright Sarah
Unnoticed she sneaks through the shadows, not belonging, not wanted there.
Finding a spot to sit and think,
To be by herself
She’ll be ok, just an attention seeker, don’t worry.
Approaches soon turn to undecided diversions away from her
They don’t want to know why she’s alone,
Why nobody has even noticed her sitting, desperately in need of help.
They want laughter, they want friends
Not a fuck up with a slit wrist
She found it in the bathroom,
Behind the mirror, standing against the windowpane,
Like a glimpse of heaven.
Her wrists swell now,
The red blood dries and stains her once beautiful skin,
She is beautiful,
Nobody ever saw it though. The world goes blank.
As her lifeless body gives way and falls, they know,
They know now, she was beautiful in so many ways
And they watched her die, alone and terrified
They Know Now
Copyright Sarah
i never was one to show many emotions
me losing at life whilst parents were shells of pretence
guilt building because they will never understand how i feel
pretence…
an emotion close to my heart, saves me from the daily torture of the mindless
pretending to care.
alone i break from the world,
i discover my own little hell in my head, i survive.
if you pretend to care;
i’ll know.
If you really do care;
i won’t believe you.
My mind seems to ache and burn with anger,
towards nothing, no-one but myself.
The walls are closing in on me, something inside tells me paranoir has begun
maybe insomnia is holding me from the nightares i will face
maybe my grief absorbs my sleep and leaves me with the mental state of a hyper 5 year old
diving to far into my confusion
my anxious, neglected mind, the ache is constant
like a bullet through the head, im still bleeding, it doesn’t stop.
i’m not scared. i’m not crying. i’m not slowley dying on the inside.
you know nothing about me!
i know nothing about me…
but i know that you know that i know that you hate me.
and you know
that i know
that it’s all my fault.
Pain I can Control
Copyright Sarah
My name is Sarah and I have been a cutter for about five years. I did it once when I was in thrid grade, but I won’t talk about that. I am only sixteen years old. I am looking for someone to help me with this addiction that I have. I wrote this poem and I hope that others can relate to it.
I have finally found
a pain
that I can control.
You can make me
cry and scream,
but I control
how much I take
from me.
It could only be a little
just to get me through;
Or it could me
more so I will never forget
what’s it like
to be free!
Never thought that
one day I would lose
that control,
and here i am
laying cold on the floor
I have lost everything.
I had thought
tht I had found
a pain
tht I could control,
But in the end…
the pain controlled
me.
Her Dream
Copyright, Sarah
She lays her head down
closes her eyes
dreaming she dies
the knife lay beside her
her arm a pretty red
shes not the little girl she used to be
not smiling
not happy
she forgot how to love
she wants to die
she heres the people around her
refusing to open her eyes
she dies
A Picture
Copyright, Sarah
Let me draw a picture for you
Of what you’ve done to me.
Watch the blade carefully carve
The pain you’ve inflicted upon me.
Watch me cry blood
Not because of the pain
But because of the ache.
One after another
They begin to build a picture
A life of worthlessness and hate.
Look close enough
And you’ll see what I spell out for you.
Don’t be flattered your name’s in it.
That’s what I have to look at each day
Reminding me of what was.
The drawing will never go away
Because it’s permanent in my mind
And real on my body.
Now and then another addition
Is made to the picture.
Another stroke to make more pain
That I express.
You think you know who I am
But you don’t.
Once you look at the drawing
That’s when you’ll know who I am.
My picture drags across my arm
As I slowly watch it drip.
The blood that never stops
What my eyes cannot cry.
Cure
Copyright, Sarah
I sit and stare and look in sorrow,
As if there will be no tommorow,
and as i gaze off into space,
My mind becomes a bloody race,
In pain i wait, a tear drop falling,
I sit and wonder what is my calling,
You come and sit and stare with me,
And in your presence i can see,
I hold you close and i cannot cry,
A sence of relief that i must sigh,
Your gentle touch, i blink a tear,
And sit in silence with no more fear,
Today i cut and i’ll cut some more,
As i watch the blood falling to the floor,
And when i’m done i’ll put you away,
“I’ll see you tommorow”, is what i will say.
Bleeding Inside
Copyright, Sarah
I bleed inside
And shed my tears,
You walk away
As i speak my fears,
I shout to you
But then i hide,
I push away
You hold me side,
Inside i weep
i cry for love,
I watch myself
From up above,
My wounds they bleed
A secret i keep,
Not death i want
But eternal sleep.
This Isn’t Me
Copyright, Sarah
I close my eyes,
And don’t want to open them.
Constantly afraid,
All this really did happen.
I don’t want this,
This is not who I want to be.
So much regret,
What has become of me?
I can’t turn back the clock
To change what has happened.
So much sin,
I am one of the damned.
I can’t change the future,
Some how it all ends up the same
I can’t accuse another,
I am the one to blame.
This can’t be me,
I pray that it’s not.
But sadly it is.
So forever, I’m fucked
Untitled
Copyright, Sarah
my own screams echo in my head
as i throw myself onto the bed
im not quite sure i always cry
all i know is i want to die
tears roll down my face to chin
as i grab the knife and slash again
the cuts on my arms start to bleed
as i quickly drop to my knees
lying on the ground in so much pain
yet i do this over and over again
this time is different
my eyes suddenly shut
as i slowly feel my heart not run
Untitled
Copyright, Sarah
can’t live with you, can’t live without you
what the fucks wrong with me
you put me through hell yet i want to proceed
i hate and love you at the same time
i only wish you were all mine
get away, come here i get so confused
what the fuck really should i do?
your friendly, your a jerk
fucking hell this won’t work
i need you, but can’t
i’ll take a chance
end up the next day in so much pain
why the fuck didn’t i see this coming again
Confused and Scared
Copyright, Sarah
Confused and scared
As is it on the stairs
Knife by my side,
Wonder if I should die
I pick it up
It starts it shine
All alone I start to cry
Slowly saw into my wrist
Fell the pain but do not flinch
See red blood start to pour
Vision goes faint
As I hit the floor
Lying now dead on the floor
No double thoughts I’m not longer there
Alone
Copyright, Sarah
All alone I sit upstairs
They all left, Gone as well
All alone I lie on my bed
Blood drips from the ceiling
The wet cold liquid hits my face
I wake up
No one else is here
Then I realize
That blood is mine
All Alone I sit in the house
The blood drips down
On to me
Healing
Copyright, Sarah
I cover my arms
My legs too
No one ever sees them
Reason I will let you know
When I am scared and hurt
I resort to the knife
Sharp object heal my pain
Maybe words and talking help yours
Mine I let the knives sort out
So if you ever see someone s scars
It’s there way of dealing with their sorrow
There now insane or crazy
It’s just there way of help
Dooms Day
Copyright, Sarah
Please oh please
I beg again
As a small tear rolls down my eye to chin
I promise I ll be better
I promise I ll stop
As I slowly walk up the stairs
The yelling continues
Louder and louder
Well I start to grow, tired and sounder
I walk into my room
Look at the sunset and face my doom
Tumbling Sands
Copyright, Sarah
The sands have been tumbled, each grain
Tearing the flesh (like a knife).
Blood has flowed in the mysterious eyes
Of Love,
The floating glow that used to
Carry Me in its
Luminous path
Is absent now because the tears must have
Slowly and
Painfully
Washed it away.
The sands now pass over (they used to stop),
Illuminating such kisses of a
Finite ocean… the
Silent Sea
Always ends.
Not even the best interpreter could
Relinquish prophecies of these
Untold dreams, dreams that founded
A corrupted being called
Life.
Blasphemous visions uprooted
Our precious, trancelike state
And reality finally struck me down.
The Silent Ocean, weeping, has felt a
Rage… gleaming white waters
Rise to take me under, yet
I am drained of strength — the
Tumbling sands have
Cut too deep
I am drained.
My Tears
Copyright, Sarah
My branding
my stamp
zig zaged cuts form my body
draw a picture with blood
show the world what they ignore
avert your eyes for i am coming
the scarred one
my eyes remain dry
instead i cut an eye into my leg
and it cries for me
tears of my blood
Untitled
Copyright, Sarah
The razor cuts easily. The blood drips to the floor. The site of the crimson liquid makes her shiver. She has a sense of pride as she slides the blade into her skin. After she has made herself feel once more, she wipes the floor with a thin cloth. She wants, she needs to taste it. She conveys her wrist to her mouth and allows the copper tasting fluid pervade her mouth. As she saunters back to her confidants, she is elated with her work.
Burn Me
Copyright, Sarah
a metal strip
plastic handle
less than 2 ounces in weight
so simple
yet so powerful
so strong
when I cannot be
held over a flame
its power ten folds
its my weapon of choice
the victim
has always been
me
pressed
against
the back
of
my
wrist
the tingle
the unnatural
feeling
i like
an indent
from the press
then red
from the pain
then white
from the fear
now blushing
and raised
its beautiful
it will be my masterpiece
2 days down
many ahead
one diagonal line
another to follow
an “s”
an “e”
what next?
I do not know
nobody
ever
looks
on
the
back
of
the
arm
its always
the forearm
the underbelly
the pale smooth
skin
its all skin to me
I’d just rather not
be caught
yet
Storm
Copyright, Sarah
Sometimes I get so pissed
but i cut instead of using my fist
if i only think of the pain
like I’m in a storm it stops the rain
for those few seconds I’m free
of everything that surrounds me
Untitled
Copyright, Sarah
Not again, shaking and hot,
Don’t know what to do,
Pulling my hair,
scratching my hands,
To me there is one solution,
But i know i don’t want to,
so much of me wants the pain,
But that little part of me say no not again,
I try my hardest to say no,
But the shaking gets worse,
I’m going hot and cold now,
and rocking back and forth,
But i could stop all this,
and make it go away,
but however hard i try,
it stays on and on,
I cant say no anymore,
it has gone on too long,
one last attempt to stop myself,
But for me it’s too late,
i reach for the knife,
so shiny and powerful,
I know its gone to far now,
and i really cant stop,
i pull it along my arm,
and see the blood and feel the pain,
oh no, i have done it again,
everything stops now,
I’m calm again,
i have done what i needed to do,
and I’m OK to live another day…
Untitled
Copyright, Sarah
I’m too big
The world’s too small
We’re all dying one and all
Pointless, I’m fading
into the page of destiny
the only thing left of me
is the blood
Crimson’s all I see
Besides the darkness creeping over me
Trapped inside a world of evil fantasy
My mind is tired and aching
I’m screaming and breaking
Help me, Help me, Help me
‘Cus now I’m falling
I’ve hit rock bottom
And the concrete has broken me
The only thing left is a stain on the pavement
Lookin’ for a way out
but i can’t see two inches beyond my face
Black blood dripping over my confusion
I’ve come to this conclusion
Life is an illusion
I cut because I must
I’m so numb inside
Pain makes me feel alive
But, I’m not
I’m gone
And you don’t care
Red Thigh Night
Copyright, Sarah
Grey lines of mascara running down my face.
The mask of happiness I try so hard to wear
has fallen apart,
along with promises I made.
The emotions spin me out of control,
but in a flash of sharp, broken mirror pieces and exposed skin
my thoughts make sense.
My life has order.
One more for good luck…
why not?
The peace of mind only lasts for a few minutes anyway.
Untitled
Copyright, Sarah
I’m afraid of the dark
And the loneliness it brings;
I’m afraid of the tears
That come nonstop as I lay alone;
I’m afraid of the dreams
Filled with death;
I’m afraid of the pain
From every day’s sorrows;
I’m afraid to go on living
And the darkness it brings;
I’m afraid to die
Because of the sadness it will bring;
I am afraid of everything
Yet I go on…
Scared
Cutting
Surviving
Living.
My Hurt
Copyright, Sarah
Sarah’s friend writes:
I just wanted to send you this poem. It’s by a good friend called Sarah who’s suffered a lot in her life. I think it’s really moving and wondered what you think and if you have any hints on helping her. She’s only fourteen.
The feeling of adrenalin rushes through my body,
Like a rough river over rocks.
The pain is just about bearable,
But it is my own fault.
I look down,
To see a small gash and pin prick of red.
My head starts spinning,
And I begin to shake.
My hand drops the weapon.
As it lands on the floor with a thud,
I see a flash of light.
I fall to the floor,
Not really knowing what I am doing.
My arm starts to throb,
And as my eyes fill with tears,
I know something is wrong.
As I call for help,
I realise no-one is there.
No-one to help in my time of need
But its my own fault.
I turned everyone against me.
My life crumbles into small pieces.
I know the wound will heal eventually,
But will my heart?
I feel torture as I realise,
I am all alone in this world.
And it was because of what I had just done.
My friends all hated my ‘darker’ side,
But I couldn’t really help it.
Its just the way I felt inside.
Tangled, like a web of deceit.
I do it again and again,
So the pain is so unbearable that I scream out in terror,
I know now what its like to feel hurt.
Just as my friends did,
When I told them off what I do.
Self Pain — Self Shame
Copyright Sarah
I just wanted to submit a poem that I wrote the other night when I was feeling overwhelmed. I’ve found that very often I don’t even know what’s upsetting me and it’s hard to help people understand when I don’t understand myself.
I was given a couple sets of those poetry magnets and they’ve actually been very therapeutic. At those times when I’m upset and overwhelmed and don’t know why or how to relieve the pressure, I sift through the magnets and pull out words that catch my attention. Slowly the words turn into phrases and by the time I’m finished, I’ve learnt so much. Through the poetry I’m better able to understand myself and it’s relieving.
borderline obsessive compulsive
unconscious knowledge
underlying self pain
beyond shame
afraid to forgive
need to shed guilt
block regression
whisper balance
try to forget
struggle with regression
run
cry
cut
unknown pressure
repressed inner conflict
delicate, fragile soul
Untitled
Copyright, Sarah
Locks herself away
Thinks of life
Hates the world
Hates herself
Hates everything
It will soon be over
They’ll be sorry
They’ll regret
Its their turn
To face the pain
She holds the knife
So smooth and sharp
Sees her reflection
Closes her eyes
Release the pain
Release yourself
Let yourself go
She cuts
She bleeds
Blood drips
She can’t stop
Deeper
Deeper
The end is coming
She falls
She screams
It’s too late
Nobody hears her
It’s just a mistake
Her life’s a mistake
She’s a mistake
She lets go
Darkness surrounds her
Peace is near
The end takes her
It’s all over
Sidebar
Share Your Poetry
See the Contributing Content guide for information on how to add your poetry to the site.
Update Notification
Subscribe to newsletter that will notify you of updates to Psyke.org.
