Psyke.org

Matt

My name is Matt and I’m sixteen. I just started cutting a year ago but I already have many scars. It’s hard to stop after the first one. I don’t know why I do it, I just know that the pain and blood help to stop the bad thoughts.

End

Copyright Matt

Wake up spinning,
Freaking out and crying,
Screaming for help,
But no one’s listening,

Shivering an shaking,
Cutting and scraping,
Feel the heart pounding,
Shattering, braking,

Then the pain and fear,
Has trapped it here,
Waiting to die,
Always cold and scared

Suicide is the only way
to wake up from this fucked up dream!
So fuck this life, and everyone in it,
but most of all, fuck me!

Wormz

Copyright Matt

Dirt all around me,
Cold, wet dirt.
This darkness surounds me,
You want me dead,
Not just hurt.
I crawl between those fingers of yours,
Trying to escape, Trying to get free.
You pull me up into the sky,
I’ll never survive,
Now I will die.
Scientists here, scientists there,
I watch from a distance,
As I witness my body tear.
Scalples and razors
Cut through my flesh,
Torn into pieces,
And thrown in the trash.
Back to the darkness,
Back to the cold,
But I’ll never be the same,
And still you show no shame

Thinking of You

Copyright Matt

I sit alone,
Locked up inside my mind,
Remembering every moment of our time.
Thinking of things that
I could have done differently.
Can’t remember anthing I had done right.
The image of your smile,
Your touch on my shoulder,
your kiss on my lips…
To hear your laugh, like cry tears of joy,
Thinking that you might hold me,
Until we both died.
Now to comfort myself,
As no one else will,
While my own blood hugs my skin,
Like a vine of truth.
I see now, through your smile,
That the only real feelings,
Are the ones that hurt.

Daydream

Copyright Matt

Like being inside a dream,
I can see your face,
Even when you’re gone,
Smiling back at me,
With that light in your eyes:
Warming me.
Floating on my cloud
Of dried tears,
No pain, no anger;
Ignorant and bright;
Swiming in your light,
In this fantasy world.
Feeling close to happiness,
Or bliss, or which or whatever
Sensation this is.
To the point where names
And people and hate
Are no more than memories.
And near the end,
Your light fades to black,
With bright flashes of lightning
Surrounding my dream world,
Striking and cutting,
Making me bleed, then fall,
As my cloud begins to rain.

Split

Copyright, Matt

No one knows me
They never see the worms
Crawling up my arm
Eating at my skin

To see it split
As the pain leeks out
Like little drops
Of acid rain

It scares them away
All for whom I care
If only they knew
The pain and loathing

No one knows me
No one cares
To help me clean the blood
hugging me close and tight

My only love

Before

Copyright, Matt

Here we are again,
Waiting for the moment,
When we’ll be together,

Staring into eachother’s eyes,
Just you and me,
Ready to slide close,

Not long now,
Until they laugh,
Judging us all together,

Before we act,
Remember it all,
All the pain you cause,

But now it’s mine,
Now you’re mine,
And sweet like blood,

You’re mine always.

Friends

Copyright, Matt

Like a warm summer day,
You take me in,
To your comfort zone,
Where they can’t hurt me,
You feel.

Dizzy and disoriented,
When it’s all done with,
And never judging,
With jelous eyes,
You see.

Voices in my head,
Scold and thrash inside,
Heard by your ears,
And serenity unfolds,
You listen.

Clinging like bloody claws:
Little lies each of them,
Insane helucinations,
Morbid road sighns,
Leeding to pain’s end.

Friend

Copyright, Matt

Once apon a time
There was a person;
A good, normal person,
And when she came along…
Who actually cared?
The person cried.

“No one ever cares”
“Is this real?”
The peron questioned,
Only to have “caring”
Killed with a rusty blade.

“Who slaughtered me?
And where did they go?
How does this feeling,
Just die without a fight,
When pain is so stong?”
The person wept.

She never left;
She was there all along.
“How could I have…”
When that voice, as sweet
As music, like warmth,
Under my skin, just like,
The blade: in me.

 

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