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Laurel

Release

Copyright Laurel

Cut, cut, cut
Trace a story on my skin
Acid mirror-edge
Pressing,
Breaking,
Bleeding—
Sudden cold like ice.
Release, release
And bleed away.
Crisscrossing places
Red beads form but never break
Liquid emotion soaks through
Fluid calm becomes me.
I feel, I feel…
Leeching off what s left
Like a black hole;
Energy emissions
Released like fire, like ice
Like pain.

Shared Blood

Copyright, Laurel

through my bleeding
youll come to understand
perhaps not no one has
a scaring tissue
why look away?
no need to confront
i know what ive done
pain is a pleasure
havent you heard?
is there a problem?
i enjoy what i do
i do it well
someday youll see
we are the same
living of the race
a human, deadly
i can kill you
id rather kill myself
i will enjoy my sufferings
tripping into the next world
one where bloodsheds right
we will be one
the same unit
you and i
i will soar above you
i had reason
i had purpose
my pain is time

Despair

Copyright, Laurel

just another pointless breath
over all too soon
just another pointless dream
wished beyond the moon

whos life is this im living?
i dont belive its mine
another pointless memory
no cure with my time

why do i put up with this?
everythings so wrong
is all the yelling my fault
always last so long

cant i just give up?
whats there to live?
nothing back in return
for all the effort i give

ive tried so hard
to do it right
im struggling staggering
with all my might

then agian, whats the point?
shouldnt i just stop?
give me just a little break
apon my head to drop

give me space some room to grow
far beyond my years
rather than a young age
drowned in my tears

My Disease

Copyright, Laurel

you call it SI, label it all
i am diseased, this is my fall
faults in my life, all are the same
same in the mind, diffrent in name
if i had a mirror i would refelct
some of my pain hate and neglect
but lucky for me i hold it tight
trapped in my soul, no will to fight
maybe i enjoy my misery too well
ill remind myself while burning in hell
for those who are helped have will to heal
others are devourd, our souls are steel
we will hold depression set in stone
even when we are all grown
an effect on life we cant let go
burned in our skin with hot coal

22 Bracelets

Copyright, Laurel

hidden under sleeves
sores agianst my veins
with sharp objects
i hit a main

rapidly fast
making a mark
i sit alone
swallowed in dark

almost 12 hours
passing my by
even in crowds
i cant hold my cry

im losing my strenth
weakening my heart
too much to bear
tearing me apart

no one can tell
i wont let them know
ive hidden it all
i am the pro

with 22 braclets
to cover my pain
you can look at me
i appear sane

look what youve done
i blame it on you
6 inches long
my stories arnt true

6 slashes later
i bid you goodbye
scream at yourself
convinced that you try

with 22 braclets
to cover my pain
look at my now
im not the same

Cutting Edge

Copyright, Laurel

I’m floating away
in a poison bubble of unreality
Something must burst the bubble
release the poison, release me
My blood is the only real poison
Burning, raging in my viens
Eating away at my being
I have to let the poison out
So I cut, crisscrossing slashes
The cold blade burning red trails in my skin
Seconds after the cut, the poison comes
Bubbling, welling to the surface
Screaming to be released
Spilling over my body in streams
A sweet relief follows, and floods over me
But as the blood flow dwindles, the poison settles
Back into my viens
Burning, ragin once again
The once sweet relief melts away
Leaving only the empty despair
like that of a lost soul
As the poison is trapped again
There is nothing I can do
But to cut again.

Flirting with Death’s Impersonation

Copyright, Laurel

I’m flirting with Death’s impersonation
dark-haired, firey-eyed
hideously beautiful
He locks his angelic demon’s mind into mine
Sending images of cold steel that burns
Screaming red furrows of rage into my skin
I love the devilish saint whom I hate so much
He’s a stranger that I know all too well
Because he guides the blade,
the only remedy for this pain
I grasp his thoughts and make them mine as he invades my mind
They become a chaotic reality
As I take that cold blade
and I burn with it
up and down, back and forth
On his precharted course
He is satisfied only when my blood flows freely.
And only then can I subside.

 

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