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Justin Covington

What I Pray For…

Copyright Justin Covington

I pray to go to sleep and wake up happy.
I pray to go to sleep and never wake up again.
I pray to go to sleep and wake up and every thing will be better.

I know that when ever I go to sleep I will not dream of happiness.
I know that when ever I go to sleep I will wake up again.
I know that when ever I go to sleep I will wake up and all the pain will still be there.

I see every one and know that they are happy.
I see every one and know that I am not going to be like them, happy.
I see every one and know that they will be happy tomorrow and the next day
and I will not.

Don’t they see?
Don’t they see that my mutilation isn’t a cry for help or attention?
Don’t they see that I will never be normal?
Don’t they see that I will never be happy?

Why do they say that I will be happy?
Why do they say that every thing is going to get better?

I know I will never be happy.
I know things aren’t going to get any better.

But, they still say that they care.
But, they still say that they care.
But, they still say that they care.

They don’t know me.
No one knows me.
They don’t know how I feel
They will never know.
They are happy.
That is why they will never know me.
I am sad.
They are happy.

Don’t they see that every time I sit down I force a smile?
Don’t they see that I am just I am just walking dead?
Don’t they see that I am just a living dead person?
Don’t they see that I wan’t to be dead?

THEY DON’T SEE.
THEY ARE BLIND.
THEY MAKE UP SOME GOD OR SATAN TO EXPLAIN THERE SADNESS OR HAPPIENESS.
THEY DON’T SEE THAT THERE IS NO GOD NOR SATAN.
THEY CAN TRY TO SEE AS HARD AS THEY CAN.
THEY WILL NEVER SEE.

See that my tears are for ever flowing.
See that my tears are not of water.
See that they are of blood.

They think I am crazy.
They think I am immature.
They think I am not adult enough to handle my problems like one.

I can’t.
I can’t ever deal with them
I can’t I can’t I can’t

What I pray for.
What I pray for is the final embrace.
What I pray for is the release.
What I pray for is… is death.

 

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