Jessica
Suicide Game
Copyright Jessica
Hey boys and girls,
we’ve got a game for you to try,
it’s really fun,
and it’s named suicide.
How do you play, you ask,
I’ll show you, it’s easy,
we’ll push you to your breaking point,
until you get queasy.
When your head aches from crying,
and scars cover your arms,
the game is almost finished,
but no need for any alarms.
When you feel hopeless and alone,
and you finally take your life,
this is when the game is over,
we’ll even help you push the knife.
It may seem like you got a raw deal,
but now the game is done,
and even though you we’re the participant
we won.
Numb
Copyright Jessica
It slid across like a skater on smooth ice.
Its steel pressing down
The red tears filling the white wasteland
Staining the speckled counter.
Salty tears welling in the eyes.
Mixing with the red liquid.
The pain of the salt
The blade of the steel
Remember how it felt.
Realizing you feel.
What if you want to be numb?
Cutters
Copyright Jessica
We all have something in common.
We may do it for pleasure,
Or even the pain.
Some do it for attention.
Others to feel better,
But still we all have something in common.
We fear that were all different,
But the sad truth is were all the same.
Some of us say we have a problem,
While others sit quietly keeping their mouths shut.
It may be the shy kid no one wants to talk to,
Or the girl that has few friends,
Or even the most popular jock in school.
You never know who has this addiction,
And probably never will.
We may hear of it from a friend,
Neighbor or relative.
It starts out just with one.
We see that we feel no pain,
So we do it again and again.
Thinking we can stop at anytime,
Wanting to tell our friends.
Finally we figure,
That there’s no way out.
We thought it ws a good idea,
To try it only once.
We want to stop so badly,
But we ant make our selves do it.
We know that we need help,
Yet we never ask.
We fear that people will laugh,
Or point and call us freaks.
People think were angry,
Or very very sad.
Some want help,
Others don’t.
The truth is we need all the help we can get.
Someone asks me,
And I just look away and lie.
He thinks I’m happy as can be,
When really I?m fighting with my self.
It’s a constant battle,
Between my heart and my hand.
I try not to do it,
But I cant help my self.
I stopped for months and months,
Thinking I was all better.
Only to find out I’m not cured at all.
It hurts so bad,
To know I cant stop.
Maybe I’ll do it forever,
Or maybe not?
My Thoughts
Copyright Jessica
You were always there when i was down,
To make me smile,
And not frown.
But now your gone,
Just like that,
Just a memory,
Like an old hat.
I sit here,
And i wonder why,
Why you said you loved me?
Why you said you cared?
Why cant i just get my way?
Why do i have to be so scared?
Scaired to love,
Scaired to trust,
And sadly,
Scaired to live.
You make me think,
Of very bad things.
Like that im not worth it.
Or im just a dumb little girl.
A little girl,
No one wants to love.
No one wants to care about.
No one wanst to hear.
With a shattered heart,
And broken trust.
I sit and i cry,
Tears of pain.
Tears of love.
Tears of confusion.
All thease thoughts,
And all thease tears,
I keep them deep down inside my heart.
Where no one can see,
Just so i can look as happy as can be.
Burning Pain
Copyright Jessica
Burning pain eating at me and i cant make it stop.
It all started the day you took your own life.
I watched that razor go slowly across your arm and blood poured from your body.
I tried to stop it but couldn’t make it stop.
So then i took a razor and cut slowly across my arm and said if you go i
want to go with you cause i love you please don’t go.
Your parents walked in saw me holding you with blood every where
and they fell to their knees and cried.They picked you up and took you away
they tried to save you but couldn’t. I watched you leave me.
The doctors cleaned you off and cleaned me off as well.
I feel sorry for you parents they had to put in the ground at age 17 that’s so young
to go but you knew what could happen.
Now I’m here all by myself and you are not there.
I love you and miss you… Good bye.
Help
Copyright, Jessica
I know there’s something wrong
I know I’m screwed up
You ignore me
You just stare at my scars
All I want is to be noticed for something else
But every time I am noticed
It’s not he way i want
When you do
It’s to scrutinize me
Harass me, and tear me apart
I’ve just learned
If I shut up
I cant fuck up
But even when I do
I still end up in humiliation
I end up hurting
Inside, and outside
So I press the blade into my skin
I see the blood
And drag the blade foe so long
It seem for eternity
I feel instant relief
I feel free
I then realize what i have done
I start to cry
I realize how wrong this is
The scars wont go away
They are there to remind me of how i feel
And how I’m treated by you people
My Cage
Copyright, Jessica
In my cage are my restless thoughts
A buildup of my nightmares
It is the place where all my fears and obstacles gather
To create an inescapable confinement
To trap me here
My cage has a purpose
It was made to imprison me
To torture me
This cage was constructed by me for me
This cage is my mind
It is me that keeps me here
And so it is here that I will stay
My internal hell
My cage
The Sickness Inside
Copyright, Jessica
I feel that I must purge this evil from within me,
That is why I do what I do.
If I could only cut out the evil then I might be saved
It sounded like good reasoning at the time.
Other times it is merely a method of punishment,
For the sins of my tongue and of my mind
For one’s sins do not necessarily have to be physical,
One can sin with sound or one can sin in thought
This evil from within that I feel is attaching itself to my soul,
Slowly but surely it is poisoning me
Corrupting my thoughts and my actions
Like a virus running it’s course through my veins
Killing me slowly,
First my mind,
Then my soul,
It is as though my soul is being conquered by this evil
Destined to suffer in an eternal damnation
Why does no one sense it’s destructive design on the soul?
They see it as a common occurrence,
They call it humanity,
They said we all make mistakes and that it is all right
How can this be acceptable?
This is not right, not at all
How can it be?
When I feel the blackening of my soul as each day passes
The anger that I try quell within me
The immoral feelings that plague my thoughts.
It has seeped into my dreams, this distress,
For I no longer dream
It’s seems my sleep is merely a period of total blackness
I see nothing but darkness
Feel nothing but despair
How I yearn for the light,
The radiance of forgiveness and of hope
I can barely remember how I basked in that light
So very long ago
I can almost recall a vague feeling
Of being touched by that warmness,
Then the plague that I am contaminated with
Destroys my memories of such chance
To return to that place
For this is a sickness that I am doomed to be conquered by,
If only the light could find me once again,
The light of hope and of forgiveness
How I wish for it to rescue me from this sorrow
Untitled
Copyright, Jessica
It was something I missed, but it was all I saw
The lights were dim, my flesh was raw
I started it off I began the feed
I played the song that made me bleed
I heard of you, A man of strength
What I said was what I ment
Ill tell you once ill tell you twice
I like how it feels I like the slice.
Too Late
Copyright, Jessica
I wrote this once when I was suicidal, I was suicidal from my SI.
She sits awake in the middle of the night
Thinking up ways she can die
She’s ready with the pen in her hand
And tears pouring out of her eyes
She writes ideas as fast as she can
seeing only by the light of her lamp
she starts sweating with anxiety
her palms are getting quite damp
Which way of death will she use first
How will she choose to die?
Her fate is in her own hands now
What method of suicide will she try
She decides to use the slit wrist method
Praying to god that it works
She is going to end her life tonight
And she doesnt care how much it hurts.
She creeps down to the kitchen
And opens the cutlery drawer
Carefully she picks out the sharpest knife
She doesnt want to live anymore
She takes the knife up to her room
and lays it carefully on her bed
she stares into space for a few minutes
until she feels a sharp pain in her head
A sharp pain of emotions, sadness and hurt
She remembers what shes doing
And looks back at the knife
Decides now her life is going
She places her hand round the cold clean handle
And holds the blade to her wrist
She watches the blood flow smoothly
As she slowly makes little slits
She feels a tad lightheaded
So she lays back and watches the blood
Her body becomes heavy, unmovable
as if she is stuck in thick mud
The blood trickles down her clothes
And slowly drips onto her sheets
She cant hear, see or feel
no sounds, no visions, no heat
And then she starts to wonder
Just when shes almost gone
was this the right thing to do?
too late, her mind and body are torn
Her soul has been seperated
from the body which she once lived
She just commited suicide
and she just cant believe she did.
She never said goodbye to anyone
her friends her family, her mates
and as she floats up through the ceiling
she realises, its already too late.
Turn Away
Copyright, Jessica
You say
You can taste the rain
The salt
That falls to the ground
So you walk into
The bathroom
And watch me
My back turned to you
As I sit in the tub of warm water
Letting my blood and tears
Mix with soap and water
And you watch me
And you turn away
Death All Over Again…
Copyright, Jessica
Sometimes I feel guilty… sometimes angry… sometimes sad… sometimes confused… sometimes like running… sometimes like hiding… sometimes frustrated… sometimes lonely… sometimes afraid… sometimes fearful… sometimes alone… sometimes hated… sometimes negative… sometimes inadequate…
But most of the time I feel like death all over again, because of the people around me and the way they make me feel and the way they treat me!
Darkness
Copyright, Jessica
I lead you to my court, to my world…
Where I believe I am free. (I don’t know anymore the real me.)
All these tears of silent pain and agony, I have shed are pulling me deeper and deeper.
I thought that I found myself today, for a moment you did not appear anywhere in my sight; then suddenly you dropped from my pocket.
I only need your comfort I say to my froend as I stare at it.
My mind is racing…don’t stay, stay in this crappy life.
As I cut one by one, deeper and deeper.
My pain eases with every cut… I soon begin to fade into darkness, something I have been in all my life; but this darkness if different; it’s a freeing darkness, it’s a freeing darkness, it’s a darkness of not pain and torture; but of relaxation and enjoyment.
My friend, my enemy has freed me from my life full of pain and torture.
I Want Out
Copyright, Jessica
Why am I so afraid?
Why am I afraid of change?
Why am I afraid of continuing this hell-bound life?
Why am I afraid to die, but want to die?
Why is life such a fucking hastle all the time?
Be here, go there; go here, be there.
Why does my past haunt me in my dreams in my daily ruiteins?
Is life suppose to be this painful?
Why does life suck like it does?
Why is it that everywhere I go people stand aloof from me and make fun of me like I am contagious?
Why do I feel like I am holding the biggest heartache in my entire life?
I want to believe my work on earth is done; so I can die already.
My daily things are killing me slowly with each push, each shove, with each rumor, with each blow.
I have love for the people I know, but I can’t make their wishes come true about my staying on this earth, and in this hell-bound life for any longer.
People don’t understand that I exist and I have needs; not wants, but needs.
I need my life back, my own personality back, I need myself back.
I haven’t seen myself in a very, very long time. I miss myself.
I want to survive this life of living hell to prove myself strong, but I want all the pain and torture to go away.
I guess I am weak because I don’t want to live this life of complete shit and pain any longer than absoultly necessary.
I was found in my corner before Christmas, I found my way out.
So easy to complete, so easy to not stay.
I want out of all this pain and torture!
Monster of Darkness
Copyright, Jessica
To pain and suffering he brought to them all,
Away were the children to hide in the darkness,
for fear that he would abuse them again…
She lays awake in the cold, damp, darkness.
She awaits the Monster of Darkness.
She knows he’s going to find her, bind her, and torture her.
She can do nothing but hide…but she knows she can run but there is nowhere the monster of darkness will not look for his victim of pleasure, of fun and games to him…
She spots him and she knows he sees her but there is nowhere to run.
He grabs her arm and picks her up and carries her to the torture room as she calls it, only it’s his room that is the torture room.
As he binds her and strips her clothing from her she tries to scream, but nothing comes out.
As he undresses himself, she can only lie there and wait for him to finish his fun.
As he enter her soft pale body she tenses with excruciating pain which is unbarrable.
One can only imagine how much pain she is feeling with each pulsating push he enters with.
She hates every minute of his so-called fun and games.
She tells the monster of darkness how much she hates his torture, but the skull can only smile wider as he continues his games in darkness of her own home…his own home.
Never Have… Never Will
Copyright, Jessica
They come to play with me, the child left on the playground to battle them; the lions away.
They, the one that cause torture and pain.
They, the ones who enjoy torturing me and putting me through hellious amounts of pain.
Suddenly…they are before me, pushing themselves on me…every eye I look into.
The eyes look back and say to me, I don’t care what you feel, what you think, or if you hurt or not…I don’t care if you bleed.
Never have and never will.
I am the one you talk to, I am the one you look at…HELLO.
Soon you will be in another bad dream, don’t try and fight it, it will be unsuccessful. I will always win.
Don’t cry I don’t like seeing fear or seeing any feelings shown.
Don’t cry it will only make your dream worse.
They smile as they penitrate my soft pale body…I am now limp, I am like a doll that is thrown in every-which-way.
They bell rings again, it’s time to play they say.
It won’t hurt if you don’t fight.
I try asnd fight, but they only bound me by their strength, or by tying me for their pleasure.
Why won’t this bad dream end I ask myself?
It happens so much, I hate it; I hate it…I say again over and over.
I tell them I hate it, but it has no effect on the pedafiles, on the monsters in my “bad dreams”.
It seems to please them when I tell them I hate it or I hurt or when I show “feeling”.
If I cry they only continue harder, only hurting me more…making my body more and more limp.
If I tell them I hate it, they only make my bad dream longer.
If I tell them I hurt, they tell me that I am a weakling, That I am stupid, that I do not belong.
I feel like I am the light making the shadows, so they may hide.
They burned the light out; they have pulled me into the darkness with them.
I can only peak into the light from behind the shadows…I don’t belong in the light.
My pale body belongs in the shadows.
They control, I do not; I can not.
Hello
Copyright, Jessica
Has no one told you I’m not breathing.
Hello again, it’s time to play they say.
But I don’t want to play… They don’t care, they bound me and play their fucking games. They have their enjoyment.
They hide me in the darkness and leave me there.
No one notices me, suddenly I know I’m not breathing.
All that’s left of me is my pale, limp lifeless body…still in the position they left it in.
All that’s left of me is my body…my long lost soul has vanished, they have taken it from me…I am aware of few things…torture and pain are two of those few things.
My soul has escaped but my body cannot.
It myst stay on the school-ground and battle the fierce lions… ripping at me, causing me pain that is, oh so unbarrable.
Torture is in every direction that I look…every eye that I look in belongs to them.
I can not look in any eye except theirs because then someone will know about the pian, the torture, the rapping; the secrets.
They say others will blame me for what was going on.
I believe that it is true, that they will somehow blame things on me.
I just wish they were not real; that what happened was not real.
I wish that it was just a bad dream, that is was not true.
But I cannot hide the facts about what happened.
I willnot hide anything, anylonger.
SOMEONE HELP ME,
THE CHILD LEFT ON THE SCHOOL-
GROUND TO BATTLE THE FIERCE
LIONS GRITT.
Torture
Copyright, Jessica
Long lost words whisper slowly to me.
Still can’t find what keeps me here.
Fearing me, Rapping me.
They still have control… of the child in the darkness.
The playground school bell has rung, but they’ve left me in the schoolyard to battle the lions.
Rapping me, again and again.
The pain puts no fear in them,
They do not care.
They threaten, they hold, they tie.
The pain only gets worse…
Don’t cry they tell me, it will be over in little time.
It’s just a bad dream they tell me, No I say to them…
But they force themselves on me harder and harder.
The pain is unbarrable.
Don’t cry I say to myself…
Never cry-it shows fear.
I cannot be afraid of them.
Don’t look anyone in the eye they say to me…They will know if you do.
They will know about the bad dreams, and will blame you they say to me.
Again and again.
The dreams reoccur.
Over and over they put fear into my limp body.
I have to be their toy because if I tell, they will blame me.
It will be my fault.
Rapping me, again and again.
Have they no mercy.
Mercy is for weaklings.
Then I am a weakling I tell them, but still I am faced with an unimaginable amount of pain, shooting from my lower torso, up.
The pain is worse now.
I curl unto a ball when they switch and cry to them, begging, pleading them to stop this nightmare.
But they only hold me and force themselves on me.
When it gets too much to handle, they tie me and only continue their torture.
When they untie me and are finished with their enjoyment, my limp body is unable to move from the position they put me in.
I feel dirty, trapped, used, worthless, unworthy, and displaced…
I feel like I can just kill them for the torture they put me through over and over again.
But I am still unable to move; my cold, pale limp body from where they have put me.
I sail away in the ships on the walls, but I am surrounded by them, I am surrounded by sharks.
The sharks are ripping at my ship, my clothing.
They do not care about anything.
Speaking to the atmosphere, speaking to the sharks to stop the pain.
But they continue deaf to all voices.
They close their eyes to all around and focus their sight on the child in the darkness.
I am blinded by all sharks.
Screaming, begging, pleading them to stop.
They are hurting me.
But they are nmumb to all the pain and torture they are putting me through.
The child in the darkness cannot endure very much more.
I lie awake and try so hard not to think of you.
But you decide what I think of, you decide what I dream of.
You’re taking over me, over my every move, every breath…You have no mercy, you are merciless.
For me to live and breath you are there.
When I look into the mirror, I see your face…I don’t have to look deep at all for me to realize you control me, you control my thoughts afar off.
You’ve taken over me. I can’t sleep without seeing your face. It’s even hard to stay in my room without seeing your face.
Does anyone wonder about the child in the darkness…the one that is left to battle in the school-ground when the bell is rung.
Each Day
Copyright, Jessica
Hold me in the blood,
I ask Him to do so;
I pray for Him to do so.
But instead I let the wings
of Satan take hold,
Somehow not knowingly.
Not knowingly the Devil
seems to take hold of
everyones lifes and desires,
facts, and treasures.
The facts that do not cease
to exist, the Devil takes
hold of.
The treasures that life
portrays-the Devil takes
hold of.
The treasures that life
portrays-the Devil seems
to control and they are no
longer treasures.
Lifes desires which are suppose
to be good-only seem to become
darker & darker.
I only wish to cut more, to cut deeper
and deeper each time I use my
friend-my enemy. Why does life
hurt this bad to continue; it
is not suppose to hurt this much,
is it?
Life only seems to get worse
and worse as time goes by-
each day that I live & breathe.
Just Because Facts
Are Ignored, Does
Not Mean They Don’t
Exist!
Displaced…
Copyright, Jessica
I have always been displaced,
never in a place in which I
belong.
Always to be forgotten.
People never pay attention to the
changes in my ways.
I’ve always been lost,
and probably always will be.
People don’t remember the ones that
are lost,
they just want to forget them so
quickly.
Too lost,
never to be saved.
Salvation will never be returned to
me,
or any like myself.
We only wish to die;
we long to die.
Our wounds cry for the grave,
but our soul cries for deliverance.
We wish to turn to someone for help,
but mostly we are unable.
We are afraid,
afraid of our parents,
our teachers,
our friends,
and afraid of mental health
professionals,
and afraid of police.
Afraid that they will lock us up and
never return to us.
They have their salvation,
but where is ours… LOST.
We know what it’s like to hurt…
to go through pain each and every
day…every breath we take is like a
sharp jagged razor cutting away at
our insides.
I want to die,
we want to die.
So I… so we turn to our only friend;
our enemy,
a razor,
a knife,
a pin;
it doesn’t matter as long as it does
the job and cuts away the pain.
I bleed tears of blood,
you bleed tears of hate.
When I bleed tears of blood.
Everything-every pain seems to
disappear and displace itself,
but later returns for more pain to be
released.
You bleed tears of hate because you
don’t understand.
You don’t understand the way I,
the way we are.
So you hate,
because it is too difficult for you
to try and understand the way we,
the way I am.
So continue your path of hate and I
will continue my path of self-destruction.
It’s our,
it’s my only way out of all the pain.
I cannot endure very much more.
I want to die.
Everything is like a Tourniquet,
holding me hostage,
waiting for me to break,
to give my life away.
Tourniquet,
Suicide.
The tourniquets that hold my life in
their hands and are making me fade
very quickly-they are succeeding.
Is anyone here to help?
No-they are tourniquets.
Why won’t anyone bring me,
bring us to life?
Because they don’t want to understand,
it’s too difficult.
So I,
so we continue to bleed tears of
blood,
and bleed tears of hate…
No One Wants…
Copyright, Jessica
Ignored, How does it feel to be ignored?
It feels like hell, no one wants to listen,
no one wants to hang,
no one wants to know,
to realize,
to acknowledge.
Only because I cut,
they just don’t want to listen to me,
they don’t want to hang,
they don’t want to know,
to realize,
to acknowledge.
Because I don’t do what they do,
they just don’t want to listen to me,
they don’t want to hang,
they don’t want to know,
to realize,
to acknowledge.
Because I don’t understand the things they do,
they just don’t want to listen to me,
they don’t want to hang,
they don’t want to know,
to realize,
to acknowledge.
They Ask Why
Copyright, Jessica
They always ask why,
Why do you dislike so much?
Why do you want to die?
Whay do you cut?
The only answer I have for those who ask why is:
because of my father,
because of my mother,
because of the drugs and alcohol;
with my father,
with my mother;
because of those who have a low
tolerance for people who know what
they are doing and hate them for
that,
because of those who tease
because I am on medication,
because of those who harass me
because I am different,
That is why I dislike so much,
That is why I want to die,
That is why I cut.
Nobody Knows
Copyright, Jessica
Nobody knows the trouble I face,
Nobody knows the pain I endure,
Nobody knows about the things I hide,
Nobody knows about the skars I trace,
the skars I make,
Nobody wants the face what I do,
They all just want to turn and not
know,
Not Face, Not Realize, Not
Acknowledge.
Nobody wants to face what I do,
They just don’t want to realize
what I do is REAL.
Pathway of Destruction
Copyright, Jessica
The pathway of destruction lies
ahead,
destruction of all hope,
of all dreams,
destruction of my future,
destruction of my longing
career,
destruction of my self-esteem
has already occured,
I feel like I am nothing,
The pathway of destruction lies
beneath,
because I am already dead.
Lost
Copyright, Jessica
Lost, Too lost to be found,
because I make their lives miserable,
I know it’s true because they repeat it.
They tell me the way I act makes them miserable,
But I can’t help it because that’s the way I am.
I am a person that cannot control herself,
I am a person that does not know when to quit.
I am a teen who is hiding her depression,
Who wants help, but doesn’t know how to reach.
Who when offered help, but does not know it’s being offered.
People threaten that if I continue the path that I am on,
I will end up landing, to, on the path of self-destruction.
Self-destruction as in suicide;
Suicide as in death,
Maybe that will be for the best,
Then I will not make lives miserable anymore.
Somewhere
Copyright, Jessica
Somewhere,
there’s a place,
where people won’t tease me,
where people won’t ignore me,
when I want to be heard.
Somewhere,
there’s a place,
when I can be alone, calm, and
peaceful.
Feeling Free From Pain
Copyright, Jessica
I want to feel free,
but I am unable…
to feel free,
because of all this pain,
physical and mental,
physical because of all the
bruises and blows to my body;
mental because of all the
events that haunt me from
my past,
events that were not my fault
but theirs,
events that have had both physical
and mental long-lasting effects.
Long-lasting effects from both
abuse and torture,
abuse that is physical and mental,
torture from all the sexual abuse.
I want to feel free from all this pain.
Someone Else
Copyright, Jessica
Just forget me,
you no longer have to care,
no longer have to worry;
about some suicidal teen that doesen’t know when to quit.
So many people teased,
and knew not what they were doing,
pushing me toward the edge;
with each rumor with each blow.
Many people ignored,
and knew not what they were doing,
pushing me toward the edge;
with each turn with each blow.
Now they will have to find someone else,
to tease,
to ignore,
to push to the edge,
with each rumore with each blow,
with each turn with each blow.
Forget Everything
Copyright, Jessica
Playground school-bell rings,
They have forgotten me.
The child in the darkness
the one asking you to care.
The child that is fallen,
The one hiding her depression.
I… holding on only with one hand.
Can you hear me:
I’ve taken my last breath,
stop worrying about me,
You don’t have to care anymore;
not like you ever did anyway.
Just clost your eyes… and turn away…
from me,
The child in the darkness
The one that ask you to care,
The one that fell and never recovered…
The one you did not hear… OR …
heard, but chose not to acknowledge.
I Can’t Stop
Copyright, Jessica
Silent tears of agony
no one believes
the still noise of midnight
no one seems to see
tears of blood
drop from my wrists
when will I stop
put an end to this?
I think, “I just can’t
it’s too hard to bear”
I cut my vein
I’m almost there…
Untitled
Copyright, Jessica
Your words they ring through my ears
They bounce off my soul and release my fears
The blood pours out, a sweet release
With my brand new blade, this pain will cease.
I could not starve my sadness out,
It would take too long to try
I could not cry my sadness out,
my tears just multiply.
So here i am,
Blade to wrist
White knuckles on fist
Ready to watch my fate go down the drain.
I drag the blade,
Through my skin
Thinking of how much,
Pain i’m in.
A sliver,
Then a sting,
My ears begin to ring
Of voices i’ve heard before.
Oh, No!
I’ve cut much too deep,
I can already hear
My mothers weep
I can’t believe
It’s come to this
All the people,
I will miss.
I try to reach for the phone,
not knowing what to say
My heatbeat getting slower
For this i will pay
To weak to get up,
To scared not to breathe
My life flashes before my eyes,
Suddenly i dont want to leave.
I struggle to scream,
My life now a joke,
In this bloodied bathwater,
My scream is now choked.
I start to sink,
My eyes closed tight,
Hearing new voices,
I now know that they were right.
They told me “calm down”
And “not to stress”
Too bad all i could see,
Was one big mess.
The children in the park,
Their eyes filled with joy
All this fuss,
Over a stupid boy.
Your words, they hurt
More than you’ll ever know,
Maybe you will,
My grave covered in snow.
I’ll never go sledding,
Or dance in the rain,
All because of that one night,
And my heart full of pain.
I’ll never get married,
Or have little kids of my own,
All because of this night
That i thought i should handle it on my own.
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