Jennifer
Devonshire Court
I wish you understood what it’s like to be me.
To look in a mirror and wonder where could I be?
Free from the torture your unkind hand forced upon me.
Free is something I’ll never be.
My souls left traces scars, unforgetable faces.
My mind splits too protect me from you.
First one then two.
Then three and four
I’m bound by your petifile sickness.
Caught in your tangled web of deceit.
In your clutch is where I lost touch of who I am to me.
Things aren’t always what they seem.
Awaken by my silent screams.
You even haunt me in my dreams.
I couldn’t explain to you what this has caused until now.
I carry your disease and shame.
As if some how I was to blame.
Abuse all mostly self induced.
My denial has left my life and relationsships in a pile.
Makes it real hard to truely feel a smile.
Are you begining to see,
What your choice has inflicted on me.
I can’t imagine how you live with yourself!
Does it evercross your mind.
Why this five year old was out at that hour?
Does my pain bring you power?
My innocents you’ve stolen.
My soul you devour.
My step sister Cory left me alone.
She wouldn’t take the time.
To see that I wasn’t left behind.
I guess walking me to the door.
Would have been to much of a chore.
No one was home.
I was scared and alone
.
Thanks to that whore.
I ended up on your door.
Reaching my hand out in fear of the dark.
Do you know where is my mommy and mark?
To remember makes my stand on end.
How long will it be until I can mend?
My throat tightens.
As I begin to relive that momment of terror again.
You’ve committed the ultimate sin.
Untitled
i wish i knew what i was feeling right now
sometimes it’s emptiness
mostly it’s pain
feeling that there is nothing
left in this world to gain
i only dream of a day when
i can walk away from this hateful bite
the red welt on
my arm
my hip
my leg
my wrist
would silence all the doubts i have
if i were worthy of your love
but then i think
if i were, what then
would it make it all go away
nothing can silence the words in my head
i feel no more
just wish for your light
that you could circle me in your arms
and make it all disappear
feeling a smile upon my lips
the first in many a year
Untitled
do you know what
it s like to feel
so useless
so helpless
so dependent
on the silver drop of pain
to keep you going
make you calm
make the voices go away
calm the inner squabble
making time slow down
and then
you feel the rush
with crimson tears
you cry out to
whoever can hear
don t let me drown
in this sea of doubt
hate regret
expectations
i m not your perfect girl
for all the imposed images
the framework i bent to fit in
has broken me
i am not made to fit
in the sharp corners
of precision
these corners have torn my skin
embodied in the silver drop
my scream to you
to not shrink my box
let me open the cage
and breathe free my life
before i drown in this sea
that i float upon like a leaf on a puddle
soon to be trodden on
but sooner found by
the hands of a curious child
to be saved from the sea
by the innocence
of wonder
to save a lost soul
Untitled
Alice down the rabbit hole
A world away from sanity
Alice in the looking glass
A world away from vainity
Stuck inside a snowglobe
Apart from reality
Dead to the world
Asleep to the stars
Nothing can touch me
A steel cased
Heart
Mind
And soul
I wish it all would end
Stuck in a fish bowl
With nowhere else to go
Stuck on a fish hook
And I can’t scream no
Dead to the world
Asleep to the stars
Nothing can touch me
A steel cased
Heart
Mind
And soul
I wish it all would end
I need to find the exit
Or the exit sign
Get out of this crazy place
Go back across the line
I need to leave this fucked up world
Leave insanity behind
It used to be so different
But now I’m haunted by despair
An empty dragons laire
Where something glorious was before
Theres now only a whore
Dead to the world
Asleep to the stars
Nothing can touch me
A steel cased
Heart
Mind
And soul
I wish it all would end
Anything to end this nightmare,
This hollow empty thing I have become
A bullet
A gun
Untitled
I started erasing today and boy was it fun Almost as if all the things were being taken away and i was being released — set free like a bird being released from a cage
Unlike a knife scraping the pain away pealing away the layers of flesh now i can just erase the pain away its so fun and pretty ah what a relief
Untitled
As i rub the eraser across my skin i’m in fear that other people will see me and take my new friend away I could not deal with that its my relief the more red my skin is the happier i am it is almost as if my skin is blushing wow i’m glad i met my new friend
Untitled
I cry and i’m not heard
I talk and i’m shut-pu
I say nothing and they wonder why
I do nothing and i’m blamed for everything
i put on a smile and act like everything is ok but its not ok
Untitled
Jennifer
The feeling deep inside of me I can’t control It hurts so much this feeling deep inside I can no longer bear I wrote my letter I gave it my all now all I need is one more thing for me to fall.
It’s My Little Secret
They will never know
It’s my little secret
Long sleeves and pants
Bracelets and watches
My scars will never show
So hard not to spill
It’s my little secret
They’ll cry and blame
They’ll send me away
Somehow convinced that I am ill
Don’t want to heal
It’s my little secret
Sick of this perfect life
Wish I could change
Want to feel what the others feel
Is this normal or am i different?
It’s my little secret
I think I’m crazy
I think I’m paranoid
Never gotten the feelings meant
Runs through my mind each and every day
It’s my little secret
I speak it
I draw it
More to be said than I could ever say
I press it hard against my skin
It’s my little secret
It’s cold yet hot
In my special spot
The pain seeps out as the blade slides in
You’re one I can tell
It’s our little secret
I trust you
You’re my best friend
The same thoughts as well
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