Psyke.org

Jen

Escape

Copyright, Jen

so delicate,
piercing through
ambitions,
severing hopes
and
splitting dreams.
the pain begins
to flow,
dripping down my arm,
fleeing my tired, worn body.

Another girl named Jen sent me this poem:

Currents

Copyright, Jen

Secret longing
An endless pang
The silence echoes
Around me
As I sit
Perched on my bed
In my prison cell
Here in my parent’s house
Drown in the web of lies
Spun to protect myself
The only thing it succeeded
In doing
Was entrapping me
In this state of
Suspension

Obsessing over the little things
Gaining some sort of control
Over the surrounding and ever-growing
Chaos of my mind
Denial with every fiber of
My being
Relinquished nightmares
Of disturbed minds
And joining them
In their bout
Of madness

Your eyes betray you
Your whispers of faith
Of believing me
More lies to add to
The web that covers me

Another soldier falls
Will I be next?
Time off requests made
And worriedly granted
Hushed tones quickly cease
Upon the presence of
The fallen soldier

Words of encouragement offered
Cookies of diversion given
Urges to explode in anger
The pain seeping from the veins
Diverted, forgotten; the void within
Momentarily filled

Promises of hope
Long forgotten
Shattered under the weight
Of the enduring silence
Acknowledgement is not a part
Of this family’s life
Shallow explanations
Hollow apologies
With mirror image
Forgiveness

All seems well upon the surface
But the current underneath
Surges with an anger
Yet to be discovered
The danger of the current
Not known

Tip-toe around
Walk on eggshells
We all know your
Disturbed thoughts
Your terrible secrets
Lower your sword
Unshield yourself
We will not harm you
False cease-fires called
The second your guard drops
Attacks will resume

The growing-up process halted
By the need to survive
The emotional ice age
Brought on by unaccepting
And the impending silence

The foundation is cracked and leaking
Duct tape is carelessly
Put up to cover the unsightly
Wounds
No explanation is demanded
None is given
Never spoken of are the reasons
Nor the currents that rage within

Play your part
Memorize your lines
Agreement to the destruction
Of self
A never ending tirade
The circle of madness
Continues passing through
Generations of innocent

Expectations firmly stated
Punishments never bearable
Prayers lost and unheard
By the unseen being

Scars run deep within
The veins of the lamb
The slip of a sheer
Angry red fire pumping
From the life of the
Defenseless soul

False pretenses
Blindly believed
The children taking the hand
That stole their smiles
Protection of the only
Normal ever known

Deep down terror lingers
Images flash in the minds eye
Horrific memories sealed off
The mind too fragile
To bear the weight
Of actualization

Truth known in the soul
Refused to be known in the mind
A never ending battle
Rages inside
Control shifted

Self-discovered sixth sense of
Physical pains soothing ability
Punishing the body so
The soul will survive
Screams of anger
Painted with each slice

Owning the pain as it surges
From the veins
Given strength with each pump
Of the heart
Each beat a reminder to breathe
Oxygen-the life giving element
Spooling the acquired memories
The pain continues to seep

Open wounds haphazardly
Covered
No attention is drawn near
To discovery
Impending guilt overcomes
The impressionable
Unspoken demands and
Silenced questions

Urges to scream out with each
Painful beat of the heart
Curbed by the sight
Of the paralyzing effect of physical pain
On gorged wounds

The unacknowledged current of anger
Surges with new found strength
And drives itself inward
Impaling the heart
Like a rusting nail

Too Tired

Copyright, Jen

too tired to live
too scared to die
must pull down my sleeves
and keep living this lie
always shameful
forever afraid
why do i have to be crazy
am i better off dead
locked away deep inside
so much hurt and the tears
kept all to myself
for these long painful years
please someone save me
look past my mask
don’t feel revulsion at me
this is all that i ask
i won’t ever be beautiful
with what my skin conveys
maybe another few cuts
will make this all go away
over and over again
the cycle goes along
i get lost in the moment
then cry because it’s wrong
hopefully i will go numb
my heart will turn to lead
then with a slip it’ll be over
and i’ll finally be dead

 

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