Devil Heart

Untitled

Copyright, Devil Heart

sometimes they ask me
why I wear
the bands on my wrists
but they don’t realy care
for how COULD they know
all the pain that I feel?
what makes them believe
that it isn’t as real
as the “true, grownup things”
that they say they’ll see to
do they know what I see
and the things I go through?
of course they don’t, dearest
they don’t see the scars
that make me think true
that I’ve swum out too far
you know what I noticed
the first time I bled?
that night as I lay
shivering in my bed?
at the time I was thirteen
–just thirteen years old–
and the blood that dripped red
wasn’t hot: it was cold
as cold as the heart
that still beats in my chest
since i haven’t the courage
to try for the best–
that is to say death:
I can cut, but that’s all
who knew how much angels
NEEDED to fall.
and if angles can fall
can demons rise?
I feel them there, lurking
behind my sad eyes
I asked for my life back
but they won’t give in
and so my mind’s dark
and I’m screaming again.

The World Needs Pain

Copyright, Devil Heart

I unfold the blade
and look at it long
perhaps this is right
more likely it’s wrong
so easy, so quick
end it all right there
death beckons and calls
from god only knows where.
but not death tonight
just a cut, just a slash
one more day to keep going
avoiding the crash.
red lines sweat blood
which dries and pulls hard
bring me back now
can’t afford all these scars.
I long for the day
that the knife will cut deep
but these nights I bleed
instead of counting sheep;
So something is wrong
where’s the light?
I’m lost in some
eternal night
waiting for sun
to chase away dreams
but the nightmares don’t end
no, that’s not what I mean
the demons come
to kill the night
and wrap me in
the goddamn light
exposing my scars
to the people I knew
who can’t understand
all the things I go through
What happens when kids
cut their arms up with knives
when the world needs pain
to believe it’s alive?

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