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DaniB

Copyright, DaniB

Cuts

11/6/2001

Resist it, I scream at myself
But I can’t; I need to do it,
Need to feel it cut and see it bleed
Just need to feel it, feel something, anything.

And I look at my bedside table
Upon which my razor lays,
I can see the glint of silver
Inviting; “use me”, it says.
And so I pick it up,
Running my finger along the blade
Then, where to do it today
Where should these new ones be made?.
And then I think, do I want them to know?
Do I want them to see what I’ve done
No. That doesn’t matter anymore
I just need the blood to run.

So I find a hidden spot
It doesn’t matter where
And I mark along it with my razor
And then I cut, with little care.
It takes a few seconds
And then the blood begins to rise
To the surface of my skin
And my pain, for a while dies.
I watch the blood,
Willing it, willing more to run
But no more, comes so what now,
Must more cuts be done?

Hate

16/6/2001

I made some art in bed last nite,
With a razor and my leg.
I made some art in bed last nite
HATE is what is says.
“The more you hate, the more hate you have inside”
Is what a friend once said,
“The more you hate, the more hate you have inside”
Came back to me last nite in bed.
But what if you can’t control it?
Who you love and who you hate
In fact you can’t control it,
Who’s an enemy and who’s a mate.
You have no control over what you feel
And who you feel it for
I had no control over what I felt
And I couldn’t handle it anymore.
My emotional feelings I still can’t control
But my physical ones I can.
The scars on my body are proof of that
And show where my blood once ran.
Where it ran because I’d made it run
When I’d been sitting there all alone
Where it ran because I’d made it run
And for once the pain inflicted was my own.

A Lone Soda Can

15/1/2002

A lone soda can.
Empty.
Kick it.
Crush it.
Destroy it.
Then imagine you’re that soda can.
Now you know how it feels,
How it feels to be me.

Help Me… Please

31/1/2002

The tears won’t fall,
So what now?
Where’s my release?
But I do have a release, don’t I?
Crimson Tears,
Spilling, spilling, spilling.
Don’t you understand,
There is no other way.
Stuck, in this downward spiral,
Spinning, spinning out of control.
Let me out.
Help me, help me…
Please.

 

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