Psyke.org

Charlotte

Blood

Copyright Charlotte

A Matter of Life and Death
I feel trapped in my life,
Never leave home without a knife.
A bad mood, A bad feeling is
Just a cut away from healing.
For as you see
Bleeding is healing for me
Running, wet, and red
Quiets the voices in my head.
Scars and scars galore
Each and everyone, I adore.
The object of cutting, you see
Is to sooth my soul without losing me.
To lose me, To lose my head
Would surely mean that I’d be dead.
So Cut and Cut
I continue to do.
Until I find another way
To save my life each and every day.

Untitled

Copyright Charlotte

I cry out in despair
You come running,
Arms open, ready
To protect me from the world.
If only you knew
That it’s myself
I need protection from

Untitled

Copyright Charlotte

How can I make you understand when you wont listen when I explain?
That’s the only reason I turn to a blade is 2 help release the pain
I know its weird and I could do it another way
But 2 me this way gets me through today
I’m not a freak I’m just alone
Waiting 4 you 2 understand my tone
Its not that I don’t love you
Its not that I don’t care
Its just that I’m in a lot of pain that 2 me just aint fair
Its not that I cant smile its not like I don’t laugh
Its just that inside I have this aching pain that for ever seems you last.
You complain when I draw pictures of me
Of the way things should be
With me 6 feet under
And for you 2 forever wander
Why I would do that kinda thing to you
But maybe if you understood id still be alive
Today

Red Tears

Copyright Charlotte

The pain inside cannot be seen
Unseen, therefore unreal
Red hot burning strokes
Pain, anguish, all unreal
Red-hot tears flowing down my arms.
The pain un-real, suddenly becomes real
Surroundings become clear
Fear flows freely
Breath in, breath out
Pull yourself together girl
Roll down your sleeves and get on with life.
The inside can now be seen

Untitled

Copyright Charlotte

It’s a cycle so vicious no-one ever wins
It starts with self hate
And ends up so much worse.
Its an addiction, so hard to break
I started it to escape
From the world and all the realities.
After not too long I started looking for a way out
From the tool I used to escape.
Its an addiction, so hard to break
It may not be the most ideal way of coping with life
But at the time it was all I could get.
I grasped it with both hands
But when I wanted to let go
It had over me a strong hold
With almost no way out.
It’s an addiction, so hard to break.

Cutting

Copyright Charlotte

I cut myself,
Because I feel
Dead inside.
Blood makes me
Feel real.
I don’t
Understand
How I feel
Until I cut:
The deeper,
The Better.
Blood understands,
Blood knows the pain,
And failure of
My many Choices.

I’ll Never Win

Copyright Charlotte

So many questions
So little time
Sometimes I ask
Am I loosing my mind?
So many decisions
I know I can’t make
So much criticism
I simply just can’t take.
I can’t please everyone
Though I always will try.
Sometimes I get discouraged
But I don’t know why!
I hate all the pressures
That are brought upon me.
Too many decisions
That I’d rather there be
I just can’t stand it
Don’t know what to do
To feel what I feel…
…if only you knew
I’m not looking for sympathy
I just wish it would end.
But I feel it’s a battle
That I’ll never win.

Untitled

Copyright Charlotte

These scars I wear
Are courage medal’s
Of battles long past
Each scar has a story
And how I wish I
Could say the
Pain is only
Skin deep.
These medals
Are scars of a
Lifetime. My
Own little
Memory book
Right on my skin.
To tell you, I’d
Have to surrender
And I’m not
Quite ready for
That and
Until that day
Comes, I’ll
Continue adding
To my collection
Of memories.
These memories
Like a children’s
Fairy tale gone
Incredibly gruesome
Are all part of
My emotional
Makeup.
Without them
Who would I be?
But with them
I have scars
I am strong
For these memories—
Are scars of a lifetime.

Untitled

Copyright Charlotte

Bruised and broken
And lost within
The darkest place
I’ve ever been

Stripped of all
My happiness
And tossed
Within the
Deepest pit

No bright light
To show the way
through these long
And painfull days

What is left
For me to do
But wallo in this
Pitch black pool

Life

Copyright Charlotte

i’m not afraid of looking ugly
i couldn’t care what they say
i’m not afraid of happy endings
i’m just afraid my life wont work out that way!

A Matter of Life and Death

Copyright Charlotte

I feel trapped in my life,
Never leave home without a knife.
A bad mood, A bad feeling is
Just a cut away from healing.
For as you see
Bleeding is healing for me
Running, wet, and red
Quiets the voices in my head.
Scars and scars galore
Each and everyone, I adore.
The object of cutting, you see
Is to sooth my soul without losing me.
To lose me, To lose my head
Would surely mean that I’d be dead.
So Cut and Cut
I continue to do.
Until I find another way
To save my life each and every day.

Guns

Copyright Charlotte

I walk around with the gun to my head,
thinking do i really want to be dead,
all the things running through my head,
all i know is i want to just drop dead,
No one will notice,
No one will care,
as they walk passed they want even notice.

Me as Her

Copyright Charlotte

I hate Her so much i wish,
i could stab her and make her bleed,
Bleed so much that she will cry dadda.
she bleed so much it’s her own fuckin fault,
in front of my eyes all i can see is,
your fucking face staring back at me.

Drink

Copyright Charlotte

In front of my eyes all i see is red,
i wish i could get a gun and go bang,
in my head. Now i’m dead,
but i wouldn’t want to go that way,
you won’t listen to a fucking word i say,
as the days go by all i do is think,
but i’ve had enough of thinking,
so now all i do is drink,
i’ll tell you this,
this is a fucking slow way of dying,
It would of been better if i just put,
that gun to my head bang there i go goodbye

Mr Mc Garvey

Copyright Charlotte

I have a teacher at school,
that is trying to help me,
but he carn’t he don’t understand,
and his name is mr mc garvey
he is a good teacher untill,
he trys to help with thinks,
that he dont understand,
he found out that i slit my wrists,
and went and told my mom,
now my mom don’t leave me in the,
house with sharpe items no more,
it was so much better when noboby knew about me now the whole school does,
not even my friends understand.

Untitled

Copyright Charlotte

my life was all ok until,
mrs davis fucked it up,
why,
i begged you not to phone my mom,
why,
then you told mr mc garvey,
why,
then mr mc garvey found out i self harm,
why,
he told my mom,
why,
i can’t do nothing now,
and it is all down to you mrs davis and the rest of the fucking school piss off and leave me alone

Cut

Copyright Charlotte

i’m so mad and i don’t know why
alll i konw is i want to die
in an attempt to relase my anger inside
i made cuts that i had to hide
now i have nightmares i cut too deep
and bleed to much and die in my sleep
i wish i could go back to that day and find out what made me so mad

Why

Copyright Charlotte

Why when I wake I feel guilty
Why when I cry I feel sad
Why when I bleed it doesn’t feel bad
Why when I punish myself it feel so fucking good
When it never really should
Why when I see black I feel like I should die
Or should I just cry
Again and again
It happens
I lose one I love!

Teardrops of Blood

Copyright Charlotte

As I sit in this small confined space
I wonder if I’m just in a daze!
Not knowing how to stop
But trying to drop
This weapon that I’m using
The one that I’m abusing myself with!

I try and try
To cry my fears away
But in my head I wonder why
As at this moment of time I think I’m going to die

And at this time, as I sit down
My tears and blood combined
Just like love is blind
But now I’m waiting for someone to find
My corps lying there
Probably dieing there
There on the bathroom floor!

 

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