Psyke.org

Cassie

My Addiction

Copyright, Cassie

I sit on the floor
Pondering the thought
And only me and Pebbles know
The way me and mom fought

I see my pocket knife
I’m tempted so much
Just to use it
To feel it’s touch

To see the dark crimson line
That appears when I use it
I have a bad feeling
I’m about to lose it

I’m slowly drifting away
losing my mind
And I don’t know
How to get out of this bind

I don’t know who
Who to ask
To help me today
To take on this task

Still staring at the knife
Thinking about its use
I don’t know if Pebbles can take anymore
Of this kind of abuse

I know she’ll flip out
And certainly ask why
I’ll only be able to tell her
I don’t think I can fly

I don’t know if I can take it
All this pain inside
I need to do something
Try to take it out with the knife

Pebbles I need you
Please I need your help
I’m about to lose it

I’m screaming inside
Bleeding inside
Need someone to talk to
Or I might die

The Knife

Copyright, Cassie

It’s shiny
It’s tempting
It can be used
to take away pain
Not forever
Not always
But for a little while
A lot of people might not understand
But that’s okay
For those of you who do
You know
It’s a knife
It can help
It can hurt
It can do both at the same time
You can use it as a way out
Away from reality
If only for a moment
If only for awhile
But maybe for a lifetime
Maybe for eternity
If you do it right
You can die
If you feel that you must
You can die
You could
But should you
That’s another subject completely
But the knife
It’s special
It can be your friend
But it can be your friend’s enemy

Control of the Blade

Copyright, Cassie

One Tiny glimpse of it
And my brain says do it
That is the kind of control
The blade has over me
It tells me how deep
I will Cut and it
Tells me how much blood
Will be spilled
That is the control the
Blade has over me
So cold on the outside
But I know with one slice
I will feel warm and
Good on the inside
That is the control the
Blade has over me
IT creates a lifetime
Of secrets that you will
Never even begin to know
That is the kind of control
The blade has over me
It creates scars that may
Never fade scars that
Make you wonder
But that is the kind
of control the blade
Has over me
You will never know the
Kind of control the blade
Has over me unless it
Has the same control
Over you so that
Is the kind of control
The blade has over me.

What People Don’t See

Copyright, Cassie

People don’t look past the blonde hair and blue eyes
You expect me to be a perfect kid
Pretty, smart, athletic and popular
They don’t hear the cry inside
I’m kicking and screaming for help
I wish you could hear it
Maybe it’s not worth your time
That’s ok if you have to go, we can talk later
But we never talk later
You think you know every thing about me
You don’t know a thing
You don’t see me as the type to be so unhappy
Sure I might laugh and smile all the time
But maybe inside I’m hurt
But you can’t see that
I wish I could tell you about it
I think of different things everyday
I know this might scare you but you dont know that is scares me to
Every night I cry
I wish it could stop I just want to be happy
I find someone who makes me happy
But then they leave me
Or I can’t have them
Sometimes I lie awake wishing it could be all over with
Not the one problem my life
My whole life
Sometimes I try
I just wish I could die
End it all
No more pain in my life
No more tears coming down
Just end it all it sounds so nice
But then it doesn’t work
And I act like noting happened
And I go back to my life
Blonde hair, blue eyes, and smiley all the time
That’s me… at least what you think

 

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