Camille

Blood Sisters

Copyright, Camille

Camille writes:

I’m not really a cutter or a self-injurer… My only tie to it comes from my sister. She is a self-injurer. This poem was written for her and in some ways, for me. The following was written when I was crying so hard I could barely breathe…

Tell me now…
Why do you have to hurt yourself?
I flip through the pages of God and there it is
Your killer, placed just so
A secret only I know
For your tears of pain
For your cries of misery
And for all of this unfairness in our lives
You damage yourself, as you are damaging me
I can’t hold it in
There’s too much insanity in this for me to understand
There’s so much wrong here
I can’t believe you can’t see it
This blood flowing through your veins
All of it in masses, so precious
Yet you let it shed
And I don’t know how
And I don’t know when
But some anger inside of your must’ve been too loud to take
Place the blade to your wrist
And slice it, slice it deep
How could this make you happier in any way?
Tell me this…
Cut your soul and slash your heart
How do these injuries relieve anything?
I once thought that as a tear fell from your eye
Two would fall from mine
But today and now, as I fall to the floor to sob
From this realization of you slowly letting you disappear
I realize that maybe I was wrong
And I have to hide it
Hide it all
And make sure that even God does not know
I have to hold it in
But today I can’t
Oh, how I wish you would quit hurting yourself
So that maybe I could quit hurting, too.
What happens if you hurt so much one day…
That nothing, not the shedding of your blood, can take it away?
I’m so scared
More scared than you’re allowed to know
Yet each time I look at you, I can’t show it
In those pools of blue, I see no answers
And I know…
That if it got out, it’d ruin us all
But wait… why?
You’ve already ruined yourself
Hiding your agony behind the time
Slice once more, red flows fast
Scars to show no one remain a mystery in this mind
What now?
Make it deeper
And fly away?
So much crying for you… hurts
Hurts more than anything
So much I have to scream and wonder if…
If it really takes it all away…
Wonder if I should try…
But no
No, no, no
You’re falling
I cannot catch you
Can anyone?
Can I?
Would I?
Or would you let yourself fall?
You’re getting yourself in this too far
And the blades will soon become knives
Blood can’t flow forever
One day it may end you
And what then?
Shall I die from the guilt?
For I hold the secrets to your pain
Please stop this, please stop it, please stop everything
Tell me this…
Why would you do this to yourself?
Nothing can take away the pain
Time will cover it now, but later it comes again
Tell me
Tell me!

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