Psyke.org

Broken Shadow

Self-Destruction Note (The Day I Tried to Die)

Copyright, Broken Shadow

Hey there, y’all okay?
I’m down here in the basement
bleedin’ out of every pore
My veins crushed open

Rape of soul
put the rope aside
smack the shell
of my every thought

‘til I reach the waters
where silent eagles fly along
and rain places itself
into the war inside my head

Cut my wrists to the core
and let the blood drip to the floor
try to crawl out of this room
and haul a trail of red tears with me

Stained like a silver sheet
through wooden doors I fall
won’t recognize any change of season
nor try to steal some time

Love’s as strong as death
Plants dead flowers underneath the skin
where new sins are breedin’
and waitin’ for the punishment to come

Angel girl with the ash blonde hair
bewitched me with her mockin’ smile
I fell in love with her, she kept me under her spell
then she left me shudderin’ in the cold

I awoke to a night of depravation and confusion
in fever I dreamt of long forgotten memories
then I saw streams of blood flowin’ down my arms
and I heard the knockings on the door

Too Far Away

Copyright, Broken Shadow

Alone on that road again
that leads me into darkness
my darkness that I long for, that I love
where I’m allowed to unleash my own true self

I tried, I try, I’ll try again
I grab my knife and try to die again
Feel the blade slice my skin
And hope for rain to heal that sin

I walk up to the garden
and fill my lungs with air
but I can’t breathe it out
and there’s this sad piano in the background

I kneel to the earth
and smell on the flowers
guess they’re rottin’
just like me

I lean against some tree
I want to relax, get rid of this pain
my sight is fadin’, soul is yellin’
headache overwhelmin’

And suddenly it’s summer
and all my friends are there
I wave and call their names
but they don’t react

How can it be?
They look like fifteen
but I’m 25 and nothing’s alright
what time is it? what year I’m in?

And then it’s winter and I’m there
got a needle stuck in my arm
and something’s flowin’ thru my veins
but it’s not blood, it feels good

I see myself fallin’ into faint
lyin’ on the dirty floor
chokin’ on vomit
and then I’m out again

I feel a cold chill in the air
it’s already night!?
where was my mind?
I wanna get there again

Want back to that dream
in which I saw my friends
how I miss them…
I haven’t slept for ages

Can’t hold back my desire
to watch over them and see HIM again
I dunno where they are, I hope they’re alright
hope they remember the time we spent

My back still leans against the tree
old dead tree, I bet he feels the same
He must dream of his youth
of a time without scars, nothin’ carved into his skin

Wish we could find peace
in this fucked up world
I’d like to rest here awhile
but I forgot my knife

I miss them, I miss that time…
wanna sleep, wanna dream
can’t go on livin’, don’t wanna fail
I wanna die, wanna get out of my jail

I miss you, I miss our time.

Endangered and Unbound

Copyright, Broken Shadow

Dark walls formin’ messages
My heart beats relentlessly
But I got no room to spare
I recently gotten back from isolation
So why you wanna put me in a box again?
There ain’t no use for a syringe if Harry Jones is not around
Once I was a channel swimmer an’ chasin’ the tiger
Soon I gonna flush all my brick gum down the toilet
Overwhelmed by tediousness
No addiction quenchless
No, I won’t zoom off as long as their screams twang inside my head
How can I get rid of life?
It haunts me day by day
Please remind me of…
Some such!?
What you expectin’?
The absence of smell drivin’ me crazy
I can’t rest any longer
Seems like it’s time to.
Go.

My Endeavor

Copyright, Broken Shadow

He did everything they wanted him to
but suddenly he stopped, didn’t know where to go
then he saw this bird and he showed him the way
the way we all go when time is right
they talked about life and reasons to reject it
and there was pure astonishment in his pale blue eyes
‘cause he flew high above the earth
wondered if his journey’d ever come to an end
through colored clouds he looped
and he found a place where he thought he could stay
it was dark, but also clear and with no room for fear
“Here”, he gladly thought, “it would take a shitload of hell to frighten me!”
and day by day his pain moved away
he spent hours, months, years in silence, moved only in his mind
but nonetheless merely a few seconds passed
enough time to notice that he lost his soul
“Yeah… so it feels”, he said, “to take the bus.”
and a lonesome tear ran down his cheek.

In Silence I Cry

Copyright, Broken Shadow

Dead hands risin’, it always feels like this
Dead eyes starin’, nothin’s right
Dead feet walkin’, such a tragedy in life
Dead soul barely breathin’, undeniable

Bonds of friendship never last, or so it seems
I scream at dead skies, heaven’s closed for me
Am I to live forever or just to die right now?
Abandon myself, let tears drop and stories fall

Don’t look now, walk away, like you always did
I get back to this every then and now
Smell the air, there’s blood in the sand (whose blood?)
Hate to feel, feel like this, like you’re not here (‘cause you’re not here)

Patience or just insecurity?
Where sun and moon don’t shine, there I’ll stand and wait for you
Yes, I’m fine, really, I swear
I remember you, who are you? What’s all this anger for? Where are you?

They took you away, left me in pain
Come back, please come back, ‘cause you never did (and you’ll never do) Would you do it again? Don’t dare say yes, you’d break me, like you did back then
Wait a second, can I come with you? I guess it’s my time to go

My time to go… Yes, my time to go (‘cause you’re not here)

Reveal my Love, Reveal my Pain

Copyright, Broken Shadow

You passed away and it broke me in two
Couldn’t fix it anymore
Now the pieces lay beneath my feet
And I wonder do you ever regret?

I can’t stand this world of foolishness
No, I can’t even cut myself
Open wounds and I’m down on my knees
Sinkin’ further into self-pity

I can hear you callin’ my name
Yet I don’t know if I’m ready to follow
Before my eyes, your trail of tears so unclear
If I only had a chance to have your ravishing voice ringin’ in my ear

My heart is in your hands, be careful not to drop it
Caress my soul, for it’s cold and losin’ ground
You ain’t dumb, neither is me, but we should’ve captivated each other
In my head, you still claim to be alive

Back then, I wish I had been strong enough
Sometimes I ask myself how it’d be if you were still around
Other times I beg to forget, we both know that you’re shelter for my head
I’d give my life for you to ever come back

My friend, you’re still my friend, the only one I got
I never guessed your reasons to leave, but I know mine
It’s you, so c’mon, spread your wings, please pick me up
Too tired to get up on myself, too tired to drag myself down

When you been nearby, I never felt like bein’ sold down the river
Nonetheless life betrayed us of our future, I never bitched
I shed so many tears, drowned in so many seas, even after all these years
I remember the days, and I bet you too, my last hope is that you know… I love you!

Flashlight Fight

Copyright, Broken Shadow

All the letters I may have sent
And all the flowers that I have bled
Are just a pathetic excuse
For all the tears I could not shed

Don’t tear on my facade
For I cannot hide
I got washed in with the tide
A vortice devoured all my former pride

Don’t let these foreign waters dry
They give me life
Without ‘em I cannot cry
And know when it’s all gone senseless

Fear their voices, they are your shackles
And December washes me away
With all its regret and all my fears
That I’m just gonna end up confessin’

There must be somethin’ better for me to find
If only I could manage to open up my eyes
Then finally I would see that I’m wonderfully blind
And collapse myself into this bliss

Engraved in Flesh

Copyright, Broken Shadow

I wonder if I’ll ever see the sky
as it turns red and burns down to the sea
where angels dance with saddest faces
and wings no longer made of gold

I wonder if I’ll ever fly
thru a cloud of molten bones
and dive into the blood
of owls that lost their hearts

I guess I will just sleep
and dream of things that will never be
or things that made
my heart turn to stone

I know I’ll sicken constantly
when worlds fall apart
with you standin’ on the edge
of a cold summer night

I feel like a snake
I got a wheelchair and heartache
and now I’m askin’ you
who’s lost the will to fight?

 

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