Beth
Actress
Copyright Beth
She faces the mirror
porcelain eyes weeping
she slowly drags her head up
drowning rational thought
she clenches her fist
driving wrecklessly towards the mirrored glass
a tornado of relief surrounds her
picking a shard from the array
she treasures it
and trusts it
to make it all worth while
breathing deep
she escorts the glass
towards her eggshell skin
her pulsating veins in frenzy
she presses the cool glass to her leg
this could be her last self inflicted wound
and she falls to the glass spikes
piercing her body
motions are stilled
the pretending is all over now
as her script soaked up the blood
her role in life had changed
and for once she controlled what happened
Raining Blood
Copyright Beth
I’m screaming inside,
Being torn apart,
But I don’t know why,
When did this start?
Sitting here wondering what happened to my heart…
I never thought I could,
But now it feels strangely good,
I know it’s not right,
It just happened one night,
Something sears inside as the emptiness takes flight…
Blood is raining,
My soul is straining,
And I cannot contain,
All this horrible pain,
It takes everything I’ve got just to get through one day…
The numbness burns,
And they cannot know,
I don’t need their concern,
I can’t let the pain show,
They all surround me and yet I’m terribly alone…
I’m caught up in the chains,
Of this mystical pain,
I don’t want to die,
I want only to fly,
But I just can’t figure out what’s making me cry…
Blood is raining,
My dreams are fading,
And all this pain,
Cannot be restrained,
I’m tired of waiting for all the “somedays”…
Who will teach me to smile again?
I only need someone to be my friend,
Someone to shelter me from this pain,
Just to help me through these days,
Won’t someone please try to make things okay?…
I just don’t know what’s making me sad,
They tell me I’ve never seen strife,
So explain to me why it hurts so bad,
The say I have a great life,
And they obviously don’t know about my hypnotic knife…
Blood is raining,
Softly serenading,
Overwhelmed by shame,
Giving into the pain,
Won’t someone please end this sickening game?…
Perfect
Copyright Beth
A perfect girl,
You want to be her,
In her perfect world,
Where you think you’ve seen her,
You want to know her,
You wish to show her,
Your pathetic life,
And have her sympathize,
But you don’t see the knife,
Held behind her eyes…
You watch her laugh,
You see her smile,
To you it seems,
Her life’s worthwhile,
And as everyone else,
You just can’t see,
She hates herself,
Her state-of-being…
She looks in the mirror,
At her disguise,
And she screams in terror,
When she doesn’t recognize,
Herself anymore,
Glass shatters on the floor,
It cuts into her skin,
Buries itself deep within…
She knows that she’s ugly,
From the inside out,
You can’t tell her otherwise,
Your motives — she’ll doubt,
You can’t try to be kind,
To whisper in her ear,
‘Cause she’s gone completely blind,
And she can no longer hear…
The glass flows through her veins,
All the more delicate,
She’s going insane,
And doesn’t think she can handle it,
But everyone else,
Thinks she’s perfect,
So she can’t ask for help,
And she stays in torment,
While behind her mask,
She watches her life pass…
You love her,
Tell her this,
It helps her,
Though she denies it,
And when she thinks she can’t go on,
Let her fall into your arms,
Hold this perfect thing you love,
Protect her heart from anymore harm…
Numb (Get Me Through Yesterday)
Copyright Beth
The pills are ready
This is it
It’ll be so easy
Let’s get out of this shit now
They’ll remember me when I’m gone
But they’ll move on
No one to trust, nowhere to go
Let’s wait for tomorrow
Searching for someway to escape
‘Cause I’m still getting through yesterday
How do you expect me to hang on today
When I was gone yesterday?
But with nothing else to do, I wait for tomorrow
There’s nowhere else to go but tomorrow
The knife is ready
This is it
It’ll be so easy
Let’s get out of this shit now
They’ll remember me when I’m gone
But I can’t go on
Floating through another day
So very numb and cold
Drifting so far away
This starting to get old
Drifting through another day
So very numb and cold
I fall so far away
Let’s just get through tomorrow
I cannot move
To grasp it
Nothing to lose
I’m letting go of this shit now
He’ll remember me when I’m gone
But he’ll move on
Falling in love
It was the worst idea I ever had
I’ve had enough
That was the worst idea I ever had
At first you were the reason
That I hesitated
But now you’re the reason
That I just can’t take this
I lie here
And plan it
Got nothing to fear
So I’m getting out of this shit now
They’ll remember me when I’m gone
But I can’t go on
I’m sick of being selfless
It’s my turn to be selfish now
I’ve felt this way forever it seems
Goddamn, it’ll be so easy
A couple slashes
A few glasses
So I’m leaving you
And you don’t care
Tonight is the night I’m letting go
Or maybe I’ll wait for tomorrow
I am too weak to hold on
My future’s too bleak to move on
I’m letting go
Tonight
I’m letting go
Tomorrow
Love Me
Copyright Beth
Seems I,
Don’t know,
Know why,
You are,
So close,
So far…
Hold me,
Warmly,
Tell me,
You see,
Everything,
That I can be,
And kiss me,
Gently,
Oh please,
Love me,
And hold on,
To possibility…
And I,
Don’t know,
Know why,
Can’t I,
At night,
Not cry?…
Brought down,
No love,
Can’t fly,
Not now,
Must be,
Perfected,
Or be,
Rejected…
(Whisper),
Lovingly,
Sweetly,
Tenderly,
Softly,
About the future,
And what it holds for me…
Tell me,
Why I,
Can’t find,
Answers,
Somewhere,
I am,
Nowhere,
Why?…
Save me,
From me,
Why can’t,
You see?
No one can, just let me be…
When you,
Look in,
My eyes,
Surprised?
Caught in,
My plans,
For my,
Demise,
All these,
Uncried,
Held back,
Inside,
Always there,
To hide behind…
Why am,
Am I,
Alive,
Tell me,
The point,
Survive,
Then die?
That’s life,
A lie…
Lost in,
No sense,
Caved in,
So tense,
No relief,
From this crushing suspense…
Save me,
Keep me,
Hold me,
This is,
My plea,
Won’t you,
Love me?…
Dark tears,
My fears,
Shattered mirrors,
Sharp glass,
Broken reflections,
You’d better run fast…
Red blood,
Runs down,
My arm,
What fun,
It drips,
Slowly,
From my,
Slit wrist,
Red water,
Full sink,
Their daughter,
They think…
Down the,
Dark drain,
Goodbye,
Mistakes,
They don’t,
Know me,
They don’t,
Own me…
Not there,
Everywhere,
Uphill,
Hard climb,
Lost in the moments — rushed by time…
Hiding,
Wishing,
You would,
Find me,
And then,
Save me,
From them,
Take me,
Home and,
Hold me,
So cold,
Could you,
Possibly,
Care about,
Just me…
Love me,
No way,
Couldn’t be,
Run away,
So lost — running everywhere — in search of a dream…
These scars,
Are here,
Will you,
Stay near?
Look past,
This mask,
Love me,
For who I am…
I am,
A girl,
A teen,
In my,
Own world,
Killed by,
My dream,
But I,
Am lost,
Seeking,
The cross,
And so it all ends happily…
Loss of Senses
Copyright Beth
I am blind,
Yet I see too much,
Mixed up feelings,
With no sense of touch,
I cannot hear,
Except silent cries,
I taste only fear,
My mouth has gone dry,
I’ve been stragled to silence,
I scream inside,
So much intolerance,
Hope seems to have died…
We’re lost,
So confused,
We’re beaten,
And strangely bruised,
We’ve all gone numb,
We’re never content,
We’re all so dumb,
Can’t let go of contempt…
Under a veil of death we live,
We live and know no life,
We have so much yet refuse to give,
We’re cut by an evil knife,
Cut and we feel no pain,
So caught up in our trance,
All we see is our own red stain,
Falling when we try to dance,
We’re all so dense,
We refuse to take a stand,
We’ve lost all sense,
Living in this fallen land…
Longing
Copyright Beth
Possibility,
Not reality,
This living fantasy,
May be a fatality,
Insanity,
Unclarity…
Unreal situations,
Swirling emotions,
Degrading frustrations,
I long for motion,
Frightening confrontations,
Caught up in the notion,
Fear of elimination,
And I drown in this ocean…
Destiny,
A mystery,
How does this all relate to me?
Eternity,
Of uncertainty,
Until we act we’ll never know what will be…
I love you,
I hate this,
Do you love me too?
I can’t take this!
Tell me now,
Before I break,
Tell me how,
To end this heart-ache…
Liquid Insanity
Copyright Beth
Pale innocence,
No confidence,
A weak little girl who’s lost all sense.
Knowing — becoming,
Twisting — numbing,
Away from home she’s desparately running.
Sour tears shedding,
Weak spirit melting,
Black light shadows darkly reflecting.
Fire breathing,
Anguish screaming,
Her broken glass heart is delicately bleeding.
Crimson dripping,
Thoughts tripping,
Far away from reality slipping.
Out of her mind,
Falling behind,
Sprinting forward — stuck in rewind.
Hardened fears,
Shattered mirrors,
Weakening — drowning in her uncried tears.
Warped vanity.
Spitting profanity.
She’s dying — consumed by her liquid insanity.
Life of the Dead
Copyright Beth
Life is so unfair,
No one will ever care,
And nobody will ever see,
That we will never fully be.
For what are we without love?
Paralyzing soaring doves,
The sun is covered by our greed,
Off of which this evils feeds.
The rainbow’s promise — left unheard,
We silence the singing bird.
Hate is all we want to learn,
And we wonder why we burn!
How can we be so blind?
We find it too hard to be kind!
Oh how we deserves God’s wrath!
For so deliberately choosing this evil path!
We say there is no hope,
We say we’re bound by too strong a rope,
We don’t see this is what we chose,
Pricked by the thorn of an enchanthing rose.
We are struggling for every breath,
In this world so full of death,
Anger, sorrow, greed, and dread,
These things fill the life of the dead…
Lethal
Copyright Beth
Tears within me
Always hidden inside
No air, I’m drowning
No motivation to survive
Pain within me
Always hidden inside
No strength, I’m dying
There’s no need to stay alive
Blood seeps out of this heart
Blood soothes this soul
I’m hallow, I’m broken
Can’t hold it in anymore
Alone with myself
In my own living hell
To weak to escape
To hated to be helped
And I scream
But nobody hears
So I’m alone again
It’s just me and the mirror
And like the mirror, I’ll shatter
I’m just living a lie
I’m too weak to go on
Too weak to cry
Drowning
In my own fucking tears
No one to save me
Because nobody’s here
Kill Me
Copyright Beth
I want to die
I need to die
Because I just can’t take this
Weak and alone
There’s nothing here
Hallow and numb
There’s nothing here
And I just can’t care
Because there’s no fucking point
I’m so much better off dead
No one even knows me
So how could they care
They can’t and don’t and so…
I want to die
I need to die
Because I just can’t take this
Blades and blood
Can’t soothe me now
Masks and lies
Won’t soothe me now
And no one’s here to hold me
To tell me it’s okay
And to kiss away
These nonexistent tears of mine
Please, let me cry
Please, let me sleep
Please, love me…
Baby, I know that you can’t
I know I’m not perfect
So I’m sorry
There’s no strength left in me
So kill me
Because I am too weak…
Invisible
Copyright Beth
I need to break down
I need to fall
Away from me
Away from this
My life fades to nothing…
These tears choke me
Bring me down
I fall
To my knees
To my doom
This girl fades to nothing…
I cannot move
I have no strength
So I’m stranded in this hell
I need you to carry me
I need you to understand
Invisible
No one can see me
I hate you
You hate me…
My mind is spinning
My spirit’s draining
This girl is fading
And now I’m nothing…
I fall
No one’s there
I’m gone
No one cares…
My hallow corpse floats along
I want to scream at you
To notice me
What you’ve made me
But you don’t care to see…
Your hate strangles me
I cannot speak
Your hate blinds me
My eyes sewn shut
So I seep out of me
The only way I know how…
And I bleed
The sweet crimson reflection
Of a tortured soul
Why do you hate me?
When I’m not even here?…
You give me bandaids
To cover your guilt
You don’t care at all
Don’t think I can’t see through you
I won’t stop for you
Come join me in this hell
You created it for me…
You’ll come down with me
I’ll drown you in my blood
It’s what you deserve
I’ve been breathing tears so long
‘Cause there was no place for them to fall
Away from me
Away from this
This soul fades to nothing…
I barely care anymore
This pain is going numb
I barely feel anymore
Dried blood of a hallow heart
I cry inside
But you don’t give a damn
I smile just for you…
You painted me a mask
I threw it away but you still see it
‘Cause you’re not looking at me
You’re staring at the garbage
You won’t look away
You can’t stand to see my ugliness
Well goddamn, fuck you!
I just don’t care anymore…
It’s your fault now
So quit blaming me
I’m alone because you left me…
Darkness
Reflected in the mirrors
Broken
Distorted visions stare at me
Screaming
I try to run but I can’t move
Chained
With weakness from deep within my soul…
I need you to hold me
Won’t you kiss away these tears?
I’m almost gone anyways
I promise you won’t waste much time
Can’t you paint me a picture?
Of what I dreamed I had?
I’m craving the truth now
But you feed me lies
I’m starving…
I’m scared of what life may give me
Goddamn, I want to die!
And why not?
No one would really miss me
And if they did
They’d move on…
Why must you force me to hang on?
When you refuse to help me up?
I can’t do this on my own…
Paralyzed
Too weak to go on
Fall down
Lie down
In the cold rain
I watch the sky
Feel the stars surround me
In need of an angel
The warmth of love’s embrace
But I only see one thing
Your back is turned to me…
I need to break down
I need to fall
Away from me
Away from this
My life fades to nothing…
I am nothing
Invisible
To you and the rest of this fucking world
Colorblind, you don’t see the red
Black and white is all I am
Fade to grey…
Falling
To my knees
To my doom
Another invisible life
And it fades away to nothing…
Innocent
Copyright Beth
Tears of fire,
Burn innocent eyes,
In her world of ice,
She cannot hide,
On broken glass,
She leaves her footprints of red,
A broken, shattered life,
She wants to be dead…
Alone,
She shivers and cries,
Longing for solace,
To keep her alive,
A gentle kiss,
Is all that she needs,
She closes her eyes,
To taste her sweet dreams…
She’s broken,
But her beauty’s inside,
Look past the scars,
And into her eyes,
A pure light,
Can still be seen,
Brightly it shines,
For she still believes…
Maybe,
She’ll one day be free,
Someone will save her,
From her dark misery,
Her faith,
Wraps her up — keeps her safe,
She knows someone will love her,
It’s not yet too late…
The mirror,
It taunts her to death,
But she just stares back,
And keeps fighting for breath,
She will not be defeated,
By the hatred in her wounds,
She refuses,
To let her world be her tomb…
Crimson,
It may cover her wrists,
But she’s moving on still,
Hope — her catalyst,
With her crystal soul,
Covered in cracks,
From so many beatings,
Still it remains intact…
Do you see her now?
Can you kiss away her tears?
Will you hold her?
And turn her away from the mirror?
Can you love her?
As you do your own life?
Will you save her now?
Can you see past the knife?…
Hopeless End
Copyright Beth
Why does this feel so good,
And yet I know it’s wrong?
Unable to do what I should,
How long will this go on?
I hate myself,
In every way,
I won’t get help,
In this dark place I stay,
No one to love me,
I’m left all alone,
Bitterly weeping,
My pain is unknown,
I feel so small,
Hiding this pain,
Below it all,
And it starts to rain,
Drops of crimson,
Fall from silver clouds,
Streams of scarlet,
Form on the ground…
Forget Me
Copyright Beth
Mommy, I’m sorry
I didn’t mean to hurt you
But you’ve gotta start seeing things
From my point-of-view…
I can’t do it anymore
I feel so goddamn fake
Innocence crumbles to the floor
‘Cause it’s more than I can take…
Mommy, I’m sorry
That I caused you pain
But it’s over now
I’m not coming back again…
I have to get out of here
I can barely breathe
I have to face my fears
It’s time for me to leave…
Mommy, I’m sorry
I know you can’t understand
But it’ll make sense someday
I’ll explain it as best I can…
You knew it had to happen
I’ve told you over and over again
With every beginning comes an end
And whatever ends must again begin…
I’m tired of my bitter weeping
I have to go to be free
I need to find my meaning
I’ve gone in search of me…
Mommy, I’m sorry
But you have to let me go
It’s too late now
There’s no point in saying no…
I can’t take all this pressure
I’m just trying to survive
I can’t take another lecture
I must die to stay alive…
Now don’t you cry
Or do something you’ll regret
I promise you I’m fine
And I won’t be hard to forget…
Decaying Hope
Copyright Beth
I am striving,
For that light up ahead,
I run towards it — dying,
Or am I already dead?…
I’ve fallen,
I’ve tripped,
Consumed by pain,
Into darkness I’m calling,
But my soul’s been strained,
And I’m bleeding inside,
But you’ll never see me cry,
‘Cause you’ll never read my mind,
Maybe it’s all a lie?…
It barely shines through the night,
The only source of Hope,
A glimmer of light,
With this life I can’t cope,
Maybe I could end it,
But I still wouldn’t have the answer,
Meaning — can’t grasp it,
Maybe if I go faster?…
Everything seems to be slipping away,
Everything is full of decay,
Hope is a shimmer,
The light but a glimmer,
Will I reach it?
It’s so far…
Will I beat it?
It stabs so hard…
This evil — chasing me,
Stealing me from where I want to be.
I see my dreams fading away,
Why is hope covered in decay?…
Is it an illusion?
Or is it real?
Manipulation,
Alone — I feel,
On this path — it is so dark,
My life sprints by,
And solutions — they hide,
Away — I watch it fly,
It’s leaving me behind…
I’m trying to fly,
But I’m caged by lies…
Yet I see,
A glimmer of Hope,
Will it wait for me?
To untangle this rope?
Or will it go out?
Will it run away?
I feel blinded by doubt,
So covered in decay…
I’m pleading,
For it to stay,
Decaying Hope,
Please come my way,
Before you’re gone,
Decaying Hope,
Please hear my song,
My life is slowly fraying
And Hope — you’re decaying…
Cut
Copyright Beth
Life’s too much for me,
Drowning in a bloody sea,
These crimson stains that I’ve made,
Everything I feel is in the blade.
I’m cut,
Caught between life and death,
Caught up,
Just struggling for a breath,
‘Cause this makes no sense,
That I’m never content.
My life is killing me,
And I’m afraid I’m to blame,
I’ve caused myself to bleed,
Now these scars are all that remain…
I want to cry these scarlet tears into a permanent sleep,
And fly away from this violence into a never-ending dream…
Death can be tempting,
When life is hell,
I just need a different setting,
Where I can come out of my shell.
Full of shame,
Pain and guilt,
I’m going insane,
And I just want to melt,
Into his arms,
While I scream and cry,
And he keeps me from harm,
While I find comfort in his eyes…
I cut myself to take away the pain,
And these crimson drops fall like rain…
I just want to be held tight,
I need to know he really cares,
I need a break from this fight,
Won’t you try to mend these tears?
Just try to understand,
The pain I’m in,
And hold out your hand,
To help me through this sin.
It’s hard to avoid,
The unavoidable,
Can’t we destroy,
The indestructible?…
Hold me in your arms and tell me everything’s okay,
Please love me enough to never go away…
Someone please love me,
I’m just so stressed,
Can’t anyone see,
Why I’m such a mess?
I don’t know why,
I feel this way,
But please hold me while I cry,
And soothe this haunting pain.
I’m disgusted with myself,
And I’m so confused,
Talking doesn’t help,
Is there anything left for me to lose?…
These delicate wings, will they ever fly again?
You know that this life is far too young to end…
Cry for Me
Copyright Beth
A pain so deep within me
Blinding me
What’s there to see?
Slowly it takes a hold
A dying soul
I lose control
Blood tauntingly drips
A delicate slit
Across my wrist
And I slowly fade away
I cannot take
Another day
(Without you)…
A cry for help escapes me
Burning words
And energy
The world is turning black
And what I lack
I can’t take back
I sense a string of life
Oh precious knife
Please end this strife
Don’t cut my rope
My only hope
I cannot cope
(Without you)…
Kiss these tears from deep inside
Bring them gently to my eyes
Hold my tightly as I fade
And save me from life’s masquerade
Whisper lovingly of long, lost dreams
Kiss me softly and cry for me…
Broken
Copyright Beth
I am a stupid, useless, and worthless little bitch.
I just don’t care.
I will never survive this.
I hate myself.
I can’t take this.
I’m going to die.
I’m never going to stop.
I am me.
I am the devil.
Or not.
Because even my demons hate me.
They beat on me.
They scream at me.
I am a stupid, useless, and worthless little bitch.
You tell me to talk about it.
And yet not to identify with it.
You tell me to be myself, to speak my mind.
But you’re scared of me.
And when I say what I mean.
You tell me to shut-up.
You tell me to stop.
Sunshine, joy, rainbows.
That’s just not me.
Blood, darkness, tears.
I wish it wasn’t.
I need somebody.
I’m not sure who.
But whoever you are.
Please come soon.
I love you.
I need you to love me.
Because I can’t.
I’ll smile if that’s what it takes.
If you’ll leave me alone then.
But behind it all.
I’ll still be here.
I am scarred.
I am bleeding.
I will always bleed.
You can’t stop me.
You can’t escape your guilty hell.
Anymore than I can escape my own.
So you care about yours.
And I’ll take on mine.
But don’t think I will help you.
I’m just too weak.
But I’ll smile for you.
If that’s what it takes.
Where are you?
Why aren’t you here?
I need you now.
I’m going to die.
Please keep me safe.
Hold me.
Love me.
Tell me it’s all okay.
Fill me with your lies.
I am darkness.
I am what you fear most.
I am not crazy.
I am only me.
I am imperfection.
I am ugly.
I am what makes you scream.
Will you die with me?
Suffocate me.
Beat me.
Scream all you want.
But I will haunt you.
Be careful of the promises you make.
I am scared.
I am alone.
I am the thing I most fear.
I am me.
I am unloved.
I am screaming.
I am bleeding.
I am drowning.
I am sobbing.
I am desperate.
I will die.
Will you save me?
Blood.
Metal.
Stinging.
Soaking.
Bruising.
Scarring.
Veins.
Life.
Death.
I slip away.
Darkness.
I will be cold.
I will be nothing.
Instead of something.
That cannot be.
Please hate me.
I am an angel.
With broken halo.
And tattered wings.
Never will I fly.
I am my demon.
Claws sharpened.
And tongue ready to kill.
Never will I escape.
Angel
Copyright Beth
Angel songs
And angel wings
Teach my to fly
Teach me to sing
Angel eyes
And angel tears
Won’t wash away
All of these fears
Angel scars
An angel bleeds
And on her blood
My demons feed
Angel halo
Angel speaks
She’s silenced by
My human screams
My angel knife
An angel blade
These bloody tears
With scarring stains
Angel’s embrace
Angelic kiss
What you don’t have
You’ll never miss
Addict
Copyright Beth
I’m addicted to me lie
And it’s sweet serenity
It’s not at all my life
But it might as well be
I’m addicted to my pain
And I find it comforting
Breaking you is not my aim
But it might as well be
‘Cause I can’t let it go (gotta hold on)
I’m gonna hold on till it bleeds
As I lie here helplessly, cry out desperately
‘Cause I feel the need
I need to feel it bleed
So I can’t let it go
And I’m gonna hold on till it bleeds
But as it slips away, I hear myself scream
These tears bring me to my knees
But I’m not letting go, not giving up
No, I’m holding on, I’m holding (till it bleeds)
I’m addicted to my strife
It is what defines me
I’m not a slave to this knife
But I might as well be
And a smile crawls across my face
As I feel me slowly fade away
A twisted smile finds my face
As I slip into yesterday
Death
Copyright Beth
Not enough yet
No not enough
Better keep going
You have to be tough
‘Cause it’s not enough yet
Just a little bit more
You’ll be satisfied then
Come on now, baby, let it pour
It doesn’t sting that bad
You whimp, deeper this time
That’s not enough yet
Blood’s everywhere — don’t cry
You’ll be there soon
Don’t give up now
Once more now — deeper
This is your only way out
Is that enough yet?
No, let’s try again
It doesn’t hurt enough yet
But soon this will end
Just a little bit farther
Bleed it all away
But you’re still here
Close your eyes, bitch, and pray
You worthless whore!
You can’t even die?
You’re so pathetic!
But that’s okay, now you’re mine
Bleed little girl
Bleed ‘til your gone
Bloody and scarred
You’ll be dead before long
It’s almost over
You can do it — go on
Just a little more blood
Don’t quit now — what’s wrong?
It stings, but who cares?
That’s barely a scratch!
Oh, you’ve barely seen pain!
With your veins still intact
So keep going now
Come on — almost there
Deeper now — harder
Because nobody cares
Slip away, little girl
Lay your head down and sleep
And when you wake in the morning
You’ll see it wasn’t that deep
So try again
I know you’ll do it this time
Come on, I know you can
And why would I lie?
I love you, little girl
So come — be with me
I’ll embrace and protect you
I am what you need
I’m light in the darkness
I’m warmth in the cold
I’m someone in the loneliness
So do what you’re told!
No, that’s not right!
I want it to gush
What the hell is wrong with you?
That’s not good enough!
You must please me now
You are my slave!
So bleed more this time
Little girl — behave
Listen to me
Because I know best
I’ll be your friend, little girl
And my name — is Death
Cut
Copyright Beth
Life’s too much for me,
Drowning in a bloody sea,
These crimson stains that I’ve made,
Everything I feel is in the blade.
I’m cut,
Caught between life and death,
Caught up,
Just struggling for a breath,
‘Cause this makes no sense,
That I’m never content.
My life is killing me,
And I’m afraid I’m to blame,
I’ve caused myself to bleed,
Now these scars are all that remain…
I want to cry these scarlet tears into a permanent sleep,
And fly away from this violence into a never-ending dream…
Death can be tempting,
When life is hell,
I just need a different setting,
Where I can come out of my shell.
Full of shame,
Pain and guilt,
I’m going insane,
And I just want to melt,
Into his arms,
While I scream and cry,
And he keeps me from harm,
While I find comfort in his eyes…
I cut myself to take away the pain,
And thses crimson drops fall like rain…
I just want to be held tight,
I need to know he really cares,
I need a break from this fight,
Won’t you try to mend these tears?
Just try to understand,
The pain I’m in,
And hold out your hand,
To help me through this sin.
It’s hard to avoid,
The unavoidable,
Can’t we destroy,
The indestructible?…
Hold me in your arms and tell me everything’s okay,
Please love me enough to never go away…
Someone please love me,
I’m just so stressed,
Can’t anyone see,
Why I’m such a mess?
I don’t know why,
I feel this way,
But please hold me while I cry,
And soothe this haunting pain.
I’m disgusted with myself,
And I’m so confused,
Talking doesn’t help,
Is there anything left for me to lose?…
These delicate wings, will they ever fly again?
You know that this life is far too young to end…
Lifeless
Copyright Beth
My body is turning pail
As my frail knees get weak.
The blood continuously drips
For a new life I’m trying to seek.
My mind is tortured with pain
So badly my eyes water and flow red.
My soul is gone from my being
Now I am pretty much dead.
I wished for this to happen
For me to be no more.
Finally I see the light
My life just closed its door.
I see the knife dripping my last breath
Which I took with no remorse.
My soul still lingers above
Watching my lifeless corpse.
Self-Mutilation
Copyright Beth
gashes cover my body
as forever i bleed.
i tried to control it
but cutting is all i need.
feeling the blade
pierce into my skin
letting the blood flow
releasing every sin.
nothing matters anymore
please pass me the knife.
maybe i’ll get lucky this time
and it will end my life.
my world has dragged me down to this
crimson pouring from every vein.
nobody is left to help
everything’s driving me insane.
i see things happen around me
yet here i just don’t fit.
i’m no part of this world anymore
and i get further away with every slit.
i will cut everlong
until the final drop is shed.
then my mutilation will be over
i will finally be dead.
Sacred Knife
Copyright Beth
as if i’m not here
the world still spins
the angels cry in heaven
and the devil still wins.
my soul is turning black
my eyes only see mist
i am alone in this world
in theirs i don’t exist.
my once hazel eyes
are now blind to sight.
my once hesitant hands
stopped putting up a fight.
to my thoughts i am slave
i do what they say.
now my body depletes
as it bleeds everyday.
why can’t i put down the blade
and stop before it’s too late?
blood is the only thing that can save me now
for that there is no debate.
so slowly i drift
away from life
forever i’ll be gone
because of the sacred knife.
New Addiction
Copyright Beth
the blade slowly dragging
against my trembling wrist
releasing the pressure
relieving the stress.
my new addiction
getting as bad
as my smoking habit.
something gets me mad
i begin to cut
hoping for the bravery
to just press down.
every cut
a single story of distress.
a different reason
to want to live less.
i watch my new addiction
take over my mind
as my arm pulses rose red blood
and surrounds me in puddles
of my own dispare.
looking into the blood
i see my glare
so my new addiction
ends itself suddenly
and gives me the courage
and the strength to press down.
now my new addiction
left me in a crimson puddle to drown.
Stained Rose
Copyright Beth
The crimson blood
Slowly drips off the edge
Of the metallic blade
Onto a velvety white rose
Like dew drops
After a sodden, misty, and sunless morning
Followed by warm tear drops,
Trickling down the thorny stem
Only to hit the frigid ground
And forever be lost on a bed
Of radiant ice crystals…
This still, unforgiving region
Then fades
As the white rose
Now stained red,
Plummets from the immobile grip
Of her weak, departing fist
To the depths of the abyss.
Untitled
Copyright Beth
In the dark shadows across the barren city walls
Is where my secret falls
Search for it like you’ve searched for gold
All the sad memories and stories untold
When the sun sets upon the distant sky
That is when I’ll crawl up and cry
When no one hears the moans inside
No rules or happiness to abide
Tears flow in a stream of sorrow
Midnight events forshadowing tomorrow
The creeping of thoughts inside a tortured head
The words of hate and anomiosity eager to be fed
Hope diminished inside the dark walls of trust
Sadness becomes a constant desire and lust
Trapped behind the rusted bars of old, burried pain
Skin waisted with one too many deep, dark red stains
So lock me up in the cell of hurtful times galore
Let anger, jealousy, envy, and pain be no more
Because as the days pass into weeks and the weeks turn into years
I’ll no longer be here to shed my glacier-like tears
Why Me?
Copyright Beth
One look at me… you’d never know,
but us self harmers… we never show,
all the hurt and pain that i hide,
all crammed in my lonely heart inside.
that felling of pride,
that i get inside,
no more fear building up,
just slice my arm don’t even look.
A feeling of happiness and even relief,
passes through me, only quite brief,
and then i’ll return to be,
the same old depressed…suicidal me.
i wish i could stop this nonsense,
bring me back to the past tense,
where love was all i had, but now it’s gone and am i glad?
i reach for that blade again and cut my arm,
it sets off a trigger, a certain alarm,
i can’t explain the feelings i get,
but when i harm i don’t regret.
this is my way to cope,
maybe one day ill make it to the top of that steep slope,
where happiness doesn’t go amiss,
where i could reach eternal bliss.
But now as i burn my wrist,
vanishes my image of bliss,
i’ll be this way forever,
can i change? never…
Why Me?
Copyright Beth
One look at me… you’d never know,
but us self harmers… we never show,
all the hurt and pain that i hide,
all crammed in my lonely heart inside.
that felling of pride,
that i get inside,
no more fear building up,
just slice my arm don’t even look.
A feeling of happiness and even relief,
passes through me, only quite brief,
and then i’ll return to be,
the same old depressed…suicidal me.
i wish i could stop this nonsense,
bring me back to the past tense,
where love was all i had, but now it’s gone and am i glad?
i reach for that blade again and cut my arm,
it sets off a trigger, a certain alarm,
i can’t explain the feelings i get,
but when i harm i don’t regret.
this is my way to cope,
maybe one day ill make it to the top of that steep slope,
where happiness doesn’t go amiss,
where i could reach eternal bliss.
But now as i burn my wrist,
vanishes my image of bliss,
i’ll be this way forever,
can i change? never…
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