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Becky

Untitled

Copyright, Becky

I stand on the winds of death
My lucky blade held close to my life
Questions, oh so many questions are running through my head
And all I want to do is jump to my death

The world is spinning and I don’t know where I am
I’m close to the edge,
The edge of my mind
A few more times and I think I’ll be on the inside.

I don’t know where I’m standing,
And occasionally I wake,
Only to be scared shitless
So I return to my cave

My inner sanctuary,
I keep even from my self
My little safe house
Where nothing can help

I’m dead from everything here
And this is where I’ll stay
I’m too afraid to be happy,
So I’ll just stay here and be scared.

Crimson Water

Copyright, Becky

She turned on the faucet,
and watched the steam fill the room,
Fully aware of her
Impending doom.

She took the razors,
and slit her wrists up nice,
Hoping that all of this
sure will suffice.

She stepped into the
scourching hot water,
and layed down and cryed,
feeling the burn on the cuts
Hoping they would all know the story
of how she had died.

She watched as the blood
swirlled out into the water,
turning it to a pretty red,
and before she knew it,
she was dead.

She watched her body
from high above,
“The pain is all gone now”
she thought,
But she was wrong,
because she didnt realize,
all the pain she’s just brought.

Drag the Blade

Copyright, Becky

Deeper and deeper
as you watch me bleed,
I wish you’d realize
its something i need

Pain is pleasure
and pleasure is pain
You’d be fine with it
If there was something for you to gain

You know deep down inside
you cant help me
if i wont help myself
Hide my past
behind the chicken noodle soup
on the kitchen shelf

Drag the blade
across my skin
My need for you
has worn thin

Snap the band
down on my wrist
the target seemed perfect
but the arrow missed

Sizzling flesh,
can you smell is burn?
trust is something
you have to earn

Product of Your Hate

Copyright, Becky

One cut
two cut
three cut
four
watch the blood
hit the floor
five cut
six cut
seven cut
eight
this is the product
of all your hate
deeper and deeper
as you watch it flow
cover your eyes
to soften the blow
Turn my head
to hide my tears
the onese from the pain
built up over the years
the fading shadows turn to grey
as i live through the torture
of another day
Im tired scared,
and sick of your lying,
but most of all,
im sick of trying.

My Guilty Pleasure

Copyright, Becky

By myself,
all alone i pray for forgiveness,
these arms of mine
sliced and cut through looking like something un-human

how can one do this to them selves?
hurt, pain, endless tears of rage and fury.
i try to stop,
but the screams get louder and louder in my head.

NO!
STOP!
DONT!
how can i resist,
the sweet blood oozing from my once smooth wrist
is now rough and scarred.

help me stop this endless torture
that i subject myself to.
my guilty pleasure… myself

My Way

Copyright, Becky

I’ve always felt unreal,
Ever since grade five.
Only with blood running down my leg,
Can I ever actually feel alive.

I’m surrounded by people,
But I still feel alone.
And I will ‘till the end
Until I’m called home

You can’t understand me,
I have nothing to give.
I’m not trying to die,
I’m just trying to live

It helps me to cope,
Though my methods aren’t the best.
Don’t say there’s no hope,
Stop being such a pest.

Though you can’t understand me,
I can’t quit just ‘cuz you say.
As much as I’d like to,
It doesn’t work that way.

It’s more addictive than smoking,
Once you start you can’t stop.
You found out my secret,
But please don’t blow your top.

You can’t understand me,
I have nothing to give.
I’m not trying to die
It’s just my way to live.

Untitled

Copyright, Becky

I wish somebody could help me,
but really there is no cure.
This pressure is making me OD,
now I’m lying on the floor.
My wrists are cut and bleeding,
bloods pooling by the door.
I take pills to stop me flipping,
I think I need some more!

 

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