Anonymous
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Haunted Thoughts
Copyright Anonymous
Alone in the dark,
Thoughts fill my head,
How i wish to be dead,
Crazd thoughts wizz around,
Confused and used,
Twisted and abused,
This is our little secret…
Why didnt i tell?
My heads going to explode,
I want to scream and yell,
I want to get away from this place,
Escape my living hell,
So i no longer have to see his face,
Eyes wanting to shut,
Willing to dream,
I’m not sure i can feel,
I cut and find its real,
Its hard to survive,
Please let me run and hide,
If only i were dead…
Its the only way,
I can escape…
My head.
Untitled
Copyright Anonymous
i’m going to draw a picture,
a picture with a twist,
i’ll draw it with a razor blade,
i’ll draw it on my wrist.
and when i’ve drawn this picture,
a fountain will appear,
it will drain away my troubles,
and make them dissappear…
Suicide
Copyright, Anonymous
Do you really know what it’s like
Waking up and hoping to die
Every day is like an uphill hike
And all the time you ask yourself why
Every day the cuts get deeper
And all the time you’re still geting weaker
There is silence all around except
The thoughts in your head
And even they say you should be dead
The memories of the abuse are so very painful
And every day is just black and dull
When you go to bed and dream
You wake up and just scream
You know the feelings won’t go away
So why go on and face another day…
Untitled
Copyright, Anonymous
I realize the emptiness of the night as I sit and try to fall asleep.
I realize the emptiness inside of me, as I sit and try to fall asleep.
Soft tears parade on top of my eyes waiting to fall.
Laughter filled my day.
It’s still empty.
I realize how alone I am, how alone I am going to be.
The painful thoughts of being gone have left. Almost.
Sometimes being gone seems like such a sweet release.
Such a dream.
Most of those thoughts have gone.
I’m afraid of them, I’m afraid they will haunt me once again.
The fear of being alone is my biggest.
Lonely.
Afraid.
Troubled.
My only reason for living is the love I can share, the love I can give to others.
I rejoice in love.
When I feel like for one minute that love is gone.
My mind.
My soul.
My love for living.
Is gone.
I can’t feel any emotions once I feel like I am losing the love I thought I had bonded. That love that you feel when your first child is born.
When you first look into her eyes.
When you hold your baby for the first time her warm body wrapped in your arms.
That’s the love I live for.
That’s the love I don’t have.
Untitled
Copyright, Anonymous
Drops of sweat slowly feel off of my forhead.
I could really tell my sweat and tears apart they were both falling rapidly.
I squeezed my eyes shut.
Release.
I kept telling myself what a fuck i was as i dragged that rustly blade across my skin.
Memories flashed in and out of my mind.
Flashes of pain.
Cut.
Blood.
Drip.
Look.
Pain.
Why was he chasing me.
I could feel my arm burn as my salty tears landed on my fresh cuts.
Pretty.
Shots of adrenalin ran up and down my veins.
My heart was beating through my whole body.
Beat.
Beat.
I could feel my heart pound.
Angry voices surrounded me in a circle of rage.
People seemed to be all around me screaming.
I lifted my blade up from my burning arm.
The voices stopped.
My dark room was silent.
Once again i was alone.
Untitled
Copyright, Anonymous
I stare at myself in this cracked mirror.
Various scars choke my body.
Im ugly.
My stomach growns.
I havnt fed it in two days.
Fuck it.
I looked down at my pathedic hands that were shaking with fear.
They were shaking, my whole body was shaking.
Whenever i looked at myself i shook.
My eyes had long black sripes comming out of them.
My black eye makeup had smudged all over my cold face.
I punched my mirror until all of the pieces laid on the floor staring up at me broken into a million tiny pieces like me.
I picked up a pieces of glass and just looked at my eyes.
I couldnt take it any longer.
I dropped the glass.
I went over to my dresser and knocked off all the broken pieces of glass and found a pack of cigaretts.
Smoke paraded through my lungs.
I laid back on my bed staring at my ceiling.
Smile.
I was so clam laying there naked on my bed, letting smoke surround my body.
I felt so released.
When my cigarette burned down i reached over and found an old beer bottle.
I finished off the last of it.
I laid back and closed my eyes.
No one could hurt me.
Untitled
Copyright, Anonymous
These games are driving me insane.
Its not fair.
This is a vicous cycle i don’t think there is a way out.
Pain taunts me.
It lures me.
It catches me.
Raping me.
Never letting me forget.
Burn.
Bleed.
Slice.
Drip.
“If god was alive he would hate you anyway.”
As i sit here alone, in the dark.
I am not afraid, i used to be.
When i was afraid i was afraid of dying.
Thank you.
Untitled
Copyright, Anonymous
Tears swam over my eyes waiting to fall.
My fathers screaming was hurting my ears.
His eyes were bloodshot he hadnt slept.
His voice was horse.
It reminded me of someone you saw on tv that died of smoking.
He was a child.
Not a father.
He was never going to change.
I had to accept that and listen to his bitching and screaming.
I don’t know how much longer i will be able to do this.
Hes killing me.
By the time he fixes him self.
I’ll be dead.
Yeah, Yeah
Copyright Anonymous
yeah, yeah,
so i just cut, ok?
and i saw the blood on the kitchen floor.
and it was so much.
and so much less.
This Is Mine
Copyright Anonymous
This is mine
I drew this blood
I bruised this flesh
Tonight
You had nothing to do with it!
Two Lives
Copyright Anonymous
The picture book life everyone sees,
the happy kid
that does well at school
and has good friends,
a good family.
The one that I have created,
and hope will someday
be real.
The desperate attempt to hold on,
the miserable creature
that cries herself to sleep
is fat, ugly, worthless,
has few real friends.
The life that is real,
and I hope will someday
be only a memory.
Storm
Copyright Anonymous
The rain pelts angrily,
thrashing against my bedroom window.
Ironically appropriate,
as the tears are running down my face
in the same fashion.
I take the pin to my skin,
in just a few
quick, violent actions,
and watch
as the blood, too, runs.
My anger,
sadness,
numbness,
are released
through the storm of
blood and tears,
Just as nature is cleansed
by the rain.
My silent tears
are masked by the weather,
and I sit alone
in the darkness of my room,
falling apart.
Untitled
Copyright Anonymous
The day begins
one more time
daylight
thinking about you
wondering how you are
wondering if you made it
through the night
wondering if
when we said
“I love you”
last night
it was our last.
I know you cry
crimson tears
my heart cries with you
everytime you do
I love you
more than my own life
I wonder
if the I love you’s
we exchanged
last night
are the last ones
we’ll ever share.
An Urge
Copyright, Anonymous
A single icy tear
slides down my face.
Frustration.
Anger.
The urge was too strong.
I couldn’t resist,
not this time.
I grabbed something sharp,
looked at my bare, pale skin,
unharmed.
Watched a thin red line appear.
Satisfaction.
Unparalleled
Copyright, Anonymous
i have a secret way of crying
what normally flushes your eyes with pain is unknown to me
tears
i have a secret way of crying
i can make it interesting
are you intrigued yet?
i’ll let you in on my secret
blood
it sets me free
i’m in ecstasy
as i carve delicate shapes
i am an artist and my body is my canvas
not too often will you find one to replicate the unique way to cry
it’s almost unparalleled
Untitled
Copyright, Anonymous
Almost every night,they come to me.
I’ve wished for so long what it would be like to be free.
I’m so afraid to close my eyes and sleep
As i know,with my head on the pillow I will break down and weep.
It’s so scary to be alone at night the way I’m feeling just can’t be right.
Alone in the darkness with a memory in my head
Such a lonely feeling rolling round in my bed.
There’s movement and shadows all over the wall
I concentrate so hard to keep my eye on them all.
They are dark on the wall,and are trying to hide
They look cold and alone,the way I’m feeling inside
Through all my insides I feel alone.
How could something so wrong happen in my own home
Constantly in my head I feel the pain
After all this time why does it need to remain
I try really hard not to think
but I see all the visions,
each and every time I blink
Alone I feel scared wherever I may be
I wish someone was there to hug and comfort me.
It’s hard,as when I’m with people I know who care
I challenge myself to be alone
as a dare.
When I’m alone I just can’t control
How much I see I’m living in a hole
The need keeps building up so strong
I just give in although I know it’s wrong
I keep doing it over and over again
Wanting so much to cut a vein
I try to sleep hoping never to awake
but then I do…
What a mistake
The situations keep happening over and over again
A constant reminder of wanting to cut a vein.
Untitled
Copyright, Anonymous
A cut against a pretty face,
A face that’s seen too much pain,
Heard too many screams,
Felt too many things.
Wishing for something,
To make it go away,
Despreate, scared, alone.
Left with nothing,
Nothing to do but try,
To make the pain go away,
To make everything ok,
To not be scared again.
Nothing left to do,
No where left to hide,
Nothing left to feel,
No more tears to cry.
A Little Bit of Soap
Copyright, Anonymous
Scrubbing in my shower I try to cleanse myself of you.
I try to forget everything, pretending it wasn’t true.
Well, I guess it isn’t working so far,
I know because I used the whole soap bar.
It couldn’t wipe away my foul mouth
or any of the stupid words that managed to come out.
It couldn’t wash away the hope I had in us,
but neither can it wash away broken trust.
This pain is so deep I can’t understand,
why it can’t fade with the rubbing of my hand.
You held me so close and pushed me away so hard,
Now I try impatiently to scrap away the scars.
Guess you’ll always be there, a birthmark on my life,
I could never remove you, and it grows deeper with a knife.
My tears are mingling with the bubbles and their residue,
still trying to pretend, but all I see is you.
To My Blade I Confide
Copyright Anonymous
Crimson red drops of blood,
They look & feel like tears,
So that is how I cry.
People say I have a good life,
They say I am smart, pretty, and gifted
But They don’t understand or see what is really inside,
And I can not begin to help them.
So I go home and to my blade I confide,
The thing I cannot tell and hide.
Everyday I wake up and say “today is gonna be different, today is gonna be the day I tell them how I really feel.”
But instead I just keep it all inside, not able to let them know and let it all go.
I pretend it’s all ok,
People ask me if I am ok and what is wrong,
Noting I say, I’m Fine!
But I always go home,
And to my blade I confide.
I know I have to stop, and I promise I will,
I have made many promises and broken them, that is true
I have hurt many people, but I don’t mean to.
Until I get the strength to tell people what is really going on and what is wrong…
I’ll just go home and to my blade I’ll confide.
Untitled
Copyright Anonymous
Anything sharp I can find
The pain I don’t really mind
Cutting a smooth straight line
Blood and tears combine
Thing red line on my wrist
It’s just to much to resist
Blaming each cut on something wrong
These feelings are just to strong
Why do I feel that this will make it better?
So far as to writing a suicide letter
Everything is just to hard to explain
Can you help stop the pain?
I’ve given up in the game of life
Ending it all, with this simple knife…
My Useless Self
Copyright, Anonymous
Why does my heart bleed?
Like a knife cutting though my soul.
So much pain that I can’t control
I hate myself and i want to die
Just let me kill myself
So you can free my cry.
Last Lines of Life
Copyright, Anonymous
my word are nonsense, that i can’t hide
my escuse for how i dictate
is that i’m high on suicide
my sweet opiate
jump from fact to fiction
don’t watch my diction
randomly i spill
what’s made me ill
for words, i’m at a loss
so now i take a pause
but i know that i must continue
so you can see my point of view
an evil lies in me
buzzing like a bee
forever i’ve searched for its hidden place
its home, where it hides it sinful face
looked high and low
in my quest i’ve taking pains
till now i know,
the evil’s in my veins
heart-blood pumping within
its a river of sin
corruption working inside
from it I just can’t hide
got to cut it out
lift the knife
try not to shout
playing with my life
its getting a little messy
i’m delirious
a thought naggs, i shouldn’t follow
but i’m curious
besides, my willpower’s hallow
so here’s an interlude
from the depths of my insanity
it’ll illustrate my attitude
watch as a stroke my vanity
my words cut to the bone
speech of a cynical teenage missy
talking on the telephone
call myself… hey who’s at home
knock on my door
when i’ve got the key
life’s such a bore
sucks to be me
makes no sense
the words i spit
my own two pence
not worth a shit
okay, too much information
sorry, my brain went on vacation
lets get back to the tale
watch again as i pull back the veil
…
i let go of the rope
cuz i just don’t care
i let go of my hope
i’ve got the couage that’s rare
suicide
take it a little slow
blow for blow
cut deeper with every slice
who cares? i’m not playing nice
no one will save me
alone as can be
like anyone was ever there
pain more than i can bear
darkness closing in
my life was a sin
for me, death’s always been my fate
love the world, its my life that i hate
can’t help it now, its already too late
good bye cruel earth
now i undo my birth
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