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Amy

How could you?

Copyright Amy

How could you do this? I thought you loved me.
You told me you did so I chose to believe.
I knew I was stupid, to fall in love with you.
Especially after you told me what you planned to do.
How could you think, that I’d take it easily?
You should’ve known I’d take it hard.
I gave you the deck to play with,
but all you wanted was one card.
The card thet ended with me out of your life.
The card that ended with me out of your life.
I love you so much, and I’m going to be with you.
If you decide to kill yourself,
I’M GOING TO, TOO

When

Copyright Amy

When you’re talking to your buddies,
you act like I’m not there.
But when we talk to each other alone
you act like you actually care.
you tell me that you love me
and I want so bad to believe.
But when we’re not together alone,
you don’t even notice me.
I want you to be there,
and I want to trust you.
but we can’t be together
if you act like I’m someone you never knew.v So when I’m dying,and soaked in blood,
then you can try explaining to your bud,v that I’m the girl you used to love,
I’m the one DEAD in a puddle of blood

Try

Copyright Amy

I’m tired of living,
I’m ready to die.
I swear to you
I’m not afraid to try.
I’ve tried before
and I’ll try again.
I’ll do anything
just to make my life end.
I’ll try anything
to keep from being with you.
Believe me when I tell you
I know what to do.
I’ll take a knife
and slit my throat
sitting in the corner
wraped up in a coat
or maybe I’ll try
to slit my wrists.
The only reason is
life’s a bitch.
you probably think
I’m a crazy goat,
but let me tell you
I’m not afraid to slit your throat.

Falling Out of Me

Copyright Amy 

			             p
			I float u     to the ceiling,
			                               looking down on myself.
			           'Disassociation' they call it. I call it freedom from me.
			   I watch as I press the blade to my skin, slightly digging in,
			                and I lose control.
			   Hands flying everywhere, blood all around.
			                                                           Release.
			I see myself cowering in the corner, hiding from my shame,
			           and I fall back d
			                                      o
			                                             w
			                                                    n into my body.
			   I meticulously clean up the mess I've made, blinking back tears.
			             "I should feel better, but nothing's changed"
			    Deep breath, face the world with scabs and scars,
			hidden underneath bracelets and sleeves, ready for tomorrow.

Smile

Copyright Amy 

			Gasping for air.
			                          Trying to cry.
			Not working.
			                      Can't breathe. Can't cry.
			                                                            Cut again.
			Tears flow freely now.
			                                 Cuts.
			                                            Too deep.
			                                                             Won't stop.
			Blood rushing from me too fast.
			                                                  Smile through my pain.

Process of a Cutter

Copyright Amy 

			Run to the bathroom,
			Close and lock the door.
			Frantically search for the blade.
			Find it in the drawer.
			Press it to your skin, deep breath for courage.
			Now dig in and watch in wonder
			As blood falls to the floor.
			1
			  3
			    8
			      15
			         20 cuts and no sign of stopping.
			Must release all the pain.
			Hands flying out of control now.
			Can't slow down, keep cutting.
			33
			   40
			       oh God 50 now and so much blood.
			Will this be the time you cut too deep and die?
			Grasp for a tourniquet, anything to absorb
			Your shame, colored dark red.
			Stop the flow, clean away the dried up blood
			On your arm, the floor, everywhere.
			Thank God it's tile, no one will know
			What happened here tonight.

Her Arms

Copyright Amy

She tell me her problems,
What’s wrong in her life.
She knows no other way,
Than to turn to the knife.

I look at her arm,
“Suicide”, it reads.
Does she really want to die,
Or was she looking for relief?

I tell her she is beautiful.
But she waves my words away.
She doesn’t see what I see.
Can’t believe what I say.

So many scars across
Her smooth skin.
I wish I could help her,
Make her happy again.

My Relief

Copyright Amy

Caught between two walls.
The ceiling is sinking in.
The floor is moving beneath me,
I sit silently in my torn skin.

Scratch away, cut again.
Pain my one and only friend.
Can’t catch my breath,
Too much heartache.
I can only think of death.
How long until I break?

Where do I turn
When the world is against me?
I can’t give up or give in.
I can only stare as I bleed.

I think I cut too deep,
I’m slipping away
Sleep is coming upon me, relief.

Untitled

Copyright Amy

My arm awash with colours,
A strange blend of pinks and reds,
Those an artist’s palette would be proud of.
Smeared red across the canvas,
A deeper, darker red.
Takes a while for the brush to fall,
And for the paint to form a picture.
Then suddenly the colour surfaces,
Picture cut clear.
As white canvas turns crimson.

Small But Deadly

Copyright Amy

There’s one little knife,
Sat there on the table,
I wonder to myself,
I wonder if I’m able.
Able to walk to it,
Look it in the eye,
Ask it one simple question,
Ask it why?
Why the Joy,
Why the Sorrow,
Why cant the world wait,
Why not tomorrow.
There’s no one about,
I can’t take it anymore,
The blade says yes,
But my hands say no.
Do you see what you’ve done?
You’ve killed me inside,
There’s nothing left of me,
Not even my pride.
I bid thee farewell,
As the knife touches my throat,
In the river shall my ashes,
Shall my ashes float.
Here I go,
1,2 and 3,
My eyes close
As I can no longer breathe.
The end has come,
Been and gone,
Now all I can say,
Is what’s done is done.

Little Girl

Copyright Amy

A little girl so innocent and tame
You would not think that she plays this game.
Her games a danger and a worry
Someone one help her please hurry.
She has no aim in life, she has no goal
Instead she is empty, just a black hole.
She has no one to turn to
She wants someone to help but who?
Does she have a future? What will she be?
Oh yeah by the way this girl is…
Me!

Untitled

Copyright Amy

you are my friend my secret inside the one i goto when im left to die

you are my friend the one i trust when people leave me in the dust

you hurt so good and i dont know why

sometimes i wish i would just die

but when the blood stops flowing and the tears fade away i know you’ll be back again some day…

Cutter’s Anthem

Copyright Amy

You trace the lines that cross your skin
1000 memories lie within
You see them there before your eyes
Give you no time to analyze the truth
The fibs they ring through clear
And with this knife you have no fear
Crimson velvet drips slowly down
No matter the pain you will not frown
So grin and bear it inhale, exhale
Now breathe deeply feel your heartrate rise
Saline streaming down cheeks flushed red
Tell yourself you’re better off dead
Carve in deeper your arm goes numb
Sink down farther and you succumb
Always good fortune for someone else
The blade gives you the strength to say
I’ll carry on just one more day…

 

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