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Adriane Sarandrea

All poems copyright, Adriane Sarandrea

Stop

river of tears
river of fears
they wash away my pain
they wash away my pain
i wish upon a star
but i know i won’t get far
i miss you, baby
in every way
in every way
i’m crying here
i’m dying here
is this the way it’s supposed to end
is this the way it’s supposed to end
blood on the wall
blood on my bed
all the pain
it’s gone
it’s gone

Myself

she sits in a corner
the pain inside is too much to bear
she takes out the only thing that helps with her pain
it is her new best friend

she opens the blade
she knows she shouldn’t do it
so many people say it’s wrong
but it’s the only way to make the pain go away

she cuts once
she waits
the blood starts to come to the surface
she can feel the release it brings

she cuts again
this time it’s deeper
the more blood she sheds
the less she feels the pain inside

she hears footsteps in the hall
she quickly puts her friend away
and hides the wounds she has just made
she can’t let them know

she’s afraid that if they find out
they’ll take away her friend
her security
her life

she leaves her room
acting like she is the happy child they expect her to be
but inside
she’s a troubled teen with fears and lots of pain

she doesn’t let people get too close
she’s afraid they might get hurt
afraid that they’ll hurt her
she lives alone in her mind

she hates the way people lie to her
telling her they care
telling her they understand
begging her to believe them

she doesn’t believe anyone
if she believed them
she would only be hurt again
and that would be too much of a risk to take in her state

she’s hurt a lot of people
and for that she is truly sorry
that is why she refuses to get too close
that is why she remains so far

Girl

i know a girl
with many scars
scars from the pain
she has suffered through life

i know a girl
with beautiful green eyes
they mask all the pain
she keeps bottled up inside

i know a girl
with a heart so torn
that every night she cries
wondering how she’s still alive

i know a girl
with the power to love
but she’s afraid to love anyone
because she’s afraid to get hurt

i know a girl
who cares so much about everyone else
but she doesn’t care enough about herself
because no one gives a damn about her

i know a girl
with a smile that could light up a room
if only she would show it
but she hasn’t found anything that could make her that happy

i know a girl
her name means “creative”
she is a sad, lonely girl
who happens to be me

Dark Angel

dark angel
wrap your wings around me
i want you to hold me
i need to feel your embrace

i love the way you let me bleed
you take away my pain
you don’t criticize me
you’re always by my side

i use you as my shield
you protect me
protect me from others
protect me from HIM

dark angel
i love you
i wish you could love me in return
but you aren’t human
you don’t feel
you are only my protector
and nothing more

The Blade

i found a friend in you
you give me comfort
you let me bleed

all my inner pain disappears
with one touch from you
my blood flows freely

the site of you sends shivers down my spine
i know what i must do
it’s time to bleed

as your cold steel touches my flesh
i take a deep breath
i start to bleed

you reassure me that there is a way out
if this world ever gets to be too much
i can bleed myself lifeless

you’re the only one i’ll allow to hurt me physically
the world can hurt me mentally
but only you can make me bleed

A Poem About Cutting

people don’t understand anything about cutting
they ask me why i do it
but i can’t explain
i’ve tried explaining
but they think i’m insane
or my reason isn’t good enough for them
they tell me i’m hurting my body
i’m destroying my beauty
what beauty?
can’t you see?
i’m not beuatiful
i never was
i’m just making my ugliness worse
if that’s even possible
cutting is a way for me to escape
i bleed out my inner pain
the pain is an adrenaline rush
and the rush is indescribeable
it make sme feel i have control
when the rest of my life is chaotic
it helps me get away for a while
for a moment i am free
it’s like a good trip
without the pill
the scars that remain won’t stay for long
but that’s okay
i’ll just keep cutting and no one will ever know

Prayer of Death

i don’t know what i’m gonna do with my life
i have no life
i have no future
i’m gonna die soon
it’ll all be over soon
the pain
the anger
the waste
i pray for death to come my way
hoping that one day it will answer
come knocking on my door
death answer my plea
this world has nothing for me
heaven won’t take me
now i wait for hell’s answer
demons please take my soul
you are my last hope
i pray thee
demons of hell rise up
take my soul as i sleep
God forgive me
for i have sinned
goodbye world
cruel, tormented world
full of hate

Prayer of Death II

i pray for the day that i will take my last breath
and leave this world
there is nothing here for me
people are cruel
no one cares
i care so much for those who waste their life
yet there is no one here to care for me
no one wants to care
i’ve grown cold to people’s tears now
i shed tears for no one
still praying for my last breath to take me far from here
heaven or hell
it’s better than than the life i’m living
i’ve screwed everything up
my life is ruined
i’ve ruined other’s lives that i’ve crossed paths with
i’m sorry all
goodbye
my last breath is leaving me
the time has finally come
i’m leaving this place
heaven or hell
i see black
i see black
i’m gone

Mirror, Mirror

everytime i look in the mirror
i see all my flaws
everytime i look in the mirror
i hear the names i’m called
everytime i look in the mirror
i shake my head in disgust
everytime i look in the mirror
i feel that god is so unjust
everytime i look in the mirror
i cry because i hate myself
everytime i look in the mirror
i think of how they look at me
everytime i look in the mirror
i die at the sight that is before me
everytime i look in the mirror
i don’t see a pretty face
i don’t see a beautiful creature
i don’t see a happy person
i don’t see the face of kindness
i don’t see the face of caring
i don’t see the face of forgiveness
everytime i look in the mirror
i see someone flawed
i see someone sick
i see someone hurting
i see someone dying
i see someone needing
i see someone sorrowing
everytime i look in the mirror
i see me

Bury Me

bury me six feet under
bury me a little deeper
if you can

put a shotgun in my hand
and i promise you
you will never see me again

you’ll see me cold
heartless
and still a bitch

i’ll be dead
lying in a coffin
being buried
six feet under
a little deeper
if you can

Ways of Death

if you wanna kill me
then kill me
just pick a method

would you like to stab me in the back?
or maybe in the heart?
i’ll provide you with the knife

would you like to poison me?
would you prefer arsenic?
or maybe cyanide?

would you like to strangle me?
choke me with your bare hands
feel my life slip through your fingers

would you like to shoot me?
if you provide the gun
i’ll provide the bullets

would you like to bleed me?
here is the knife
and here are my wrists

would you like to burn me?
put me in an oven
or maybe set me ablaze

would you like to freeze me?
lock me in a freezer
and save me for later

would you like to suffocate me?
put a pillow over my face
i won’t put up a fight

would you like to hang me?
do you need some rope?
i have plenty

if you want to kill me
then kill me
there are so many ways to choose from

Myself III

i am just a screwed up piece of sh*t
on this wasteland we call earth
i want to die

i look in the mirror
and i see myself slowly fading
i am wasting away with the earth

my mind is disintegrating
i can’t remember sh*t
i’m just a dumb f**k that wants to die

i take pills
hoping the right combination will kill me
unfortunately i’m still here

i cut myself and watch myself bleed
i’m not afraid to cut the wrong spot
i welcome death with open arms

this world takes and takes from me
it takes everything that matters
but my own damn life

i’m not worth anything
my life is a waste
i live a sh*tty life only to die and relive it all again

Screw Up

i can’t do anything right
i’m such a failure
all i ever do is screw things up
the harder i try
the bigger the mistake
i just can’t win
i’m a big screw up
that ruins everything
i need to die
so will someone please kill me?

 

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