Sunee
My name is Sunee. My first scratches were done when I was thirteen, and I started cutting seriously the next year and I’m sixteen now, soon turning seventeen. So that makes it three years.
I’ve seen all the pictures on the site and the first time they made me cry but now, they just make me sad. Especially reading people’s stories. I don’t know why I feel that way, I guess it’s because it’s so horrible to watch others do it, and I can kind of understand what it is like for my loved ones. I feel very guilty for this habit especially for this reason. My mum says that she’ll bash the shit of of me if she catches me doing it again but I know she doesn’t mean that and she’s just saying that because she loves me and doesn’t like to see me hurt. One time she saw it and she cried a lot. That was the worst thing ever. My dad doesn’t understand why I do it and my boyfriend doesn’t really know how to deal with it and tries anger to make me stop and it usually ends up with both of us feeling awful. He thinks I could die accidentally.
I used to take anti-depressants and they made me stop cutting but they didn’t stop making me feel depressed. But I stopped taking them because mum didn’t want me to anymore. Numerous people have suggested that I need to take them but I haven’t seen a psychiatrist yet — I think I will in the near future. I have seen the doctors twice to get butterfly stitches but I’ve never had real stitches.
I don’t only cut myself. I also punch the wall and myself though it’s usually for anger. One time I got an x-ray on my hand because I punched the wall. Fortunately nothing was broken.
I used to cut because whenever I was feeling down (it would have been every day) I would use it to help me forget the awful things and to feel better. Now, I feel that I have to do it and without it I wouldn’t be able to function.
About half a year ago, my boyfriend made me promise to stop and I was without cutting for that time. But recently it has become worse — as it is in the pictures — and I can’t say no to it. I don’t particuarly want to stop, but other people are causing me to seek advanced help and I haven’t said no.
Contrary to what people think, I am not suicidal though I have reoccuring thoughts about my own death all the time I would never ever act upon them.
The reason why I am posting these pictures is because all the other pictures have made me feel great emotion about the people who also do this. Seeing their pain and reading their stories has just made me step outside my own little shoes for a moment and step into someone else’s. Although it makes me feel sad and awful, I know they have made me realise a great deal. They are invaluable. And if I could have that effect on someone else, that would make me feel very honoured.
Anyway, I’m sorry about the poor quality of the pictures because I’m bad at that kind of crap.
I have a scar that says “AFI”, “Cut Here” on my right leg and “X” on my left leg.
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