Lily
I became reliant on SI from a very early age, my parents just assumed I was a clumsy child. I was the invisible girl in a house full of anger and mental abuse. By the age of 7 I would throw myself down staircases, hit myself against walls or just push my fork into my palm under the dinner table. By 10 I was suffering from anorexia. By 12 I was using blades to mutilate my skin in new and exciting ways, the pain was a new rush to me. Gradually I cut deeper, learned the best places for healing rates and least likely areas of detection.
The cycle of hollow joy and vicious self hatred continued like this for the next 4 years. I cut regularly, if only to let blood go for no other reason than to prove to myself I was real, something I still struggle with to this day. On the 14. November 2002 I made 92 inch-long insicions in my right thigh with a razor blade. Each cut represented a lb. in weight, at this point I weighed exactly 92lbs. I lay on my bathroom floor shaking, blood soaking into the carpet, at this point I realised I had a serious problem. I have managed to control my self destructive behavior to an extent. I have only cut once in the past year, but have scratched, punched and burned myself more times than I care to remember. My eating is more regulated, and I am now a comfortable 112lbs but still starve myself in times of stress.
