Katie

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I’m Sorry, So Sorry

I’m sorry, so sorry for the pain
I’m sorry, so sorry slash, my skin is stained
I’m sorry, so sorry what have I done
I’m sorry, so sorry my torture has just begun
Every cut every scratch represents every tear that you shed
I don’t care if by the time I’m done I’m dead
The pain that I feel is nothing compared to what you went through
That’s why I’m sorry, so sorry I did this to you
Please stop your crying, Please don’t hurt anymore
I ran out of room on my arms, next my legs will be covered with sores
You hurt, I hurt too that’s just how it goes
Most people have highs, I just have lows
How do I deal with this depression, this disease that’s taken over me
Infected my mind, my body, my actions
Taking me away slowly in small fractions
I’ve lost myself, the person I used to be
I’ve been gone for a while, finally people begin to see
Now my secret is out, there’s no more to hide
That’s what I tell them, tell them my feelings for you died
I lied to them I lied to you
Because of this deception instead of cutting one arm I cut two
I’m sorry, so sorry I’ve hurt you so much
I’m sorry I make things worse with every single touch
I need to get out, away from it all
Where no one can see me, where no one can call
I’ll just leave you alone so you can heal and move on
I know it would be easier on everyone if I was gone
I know I’m a burden, something you have to deal with and take care of
I’m done with hurting all the people I love
Especially you, I made you cry
From that moment on I wanted to die
I sit here in my room blasting this depressing song
I’m sorry, so sorry I’ve been hurting you all along
Laying here with the blade in my hand
Hearing the faint song of my favorite band
My life is a blur, I cant see anything clear
Hurting you again is my biggest fear
I give up, I’m tired of trying
While all this time inside I’m dying
I’m sorry, so sorry I’ve hurt you so bad
I’m sorry, so sorry for making you mad
Cutting is my release, my punishment, my savior
My own consequence for my bad behavior
I’m sorry, so sorry but you can’t expect me to change overnight
Expect me to come out of the darkness and into the light
I’m sorry, so sorry to disappoint you like this
I’m so mad at myself I come close to cutting my wrist
I just want to say I’m sorry, so sorry for all my mistakes
To hurt like you hurt I’ll do whatever it takes
I’m sorry, so sorry.

I Blame Myself

You were all I dreamed about, thought about, talked about, I was in love with you
You broke my heart, left me dying, hopeless, drowning in my sorrows
There was nothing I could do, I’m still in love with you
Why can’t my feelings change? Why can’t I just move on?
I know you have, I know I’ll never get you back, your gone
I sit here in this silence trying to drown out my real feelings, but all this time screaming in my head
Now that I don’t have you there’s no reason for me to live, I might as well be dead
To cope with the pain I feel inside I grasp the nearest blade
Slashing my pain away on the scars that had just begun to fade
As my wounds reopen the sharp pain blocks out my feelings
I’m lost, confused, heart broken, depressed, as I lay looking up at the ceiling
Scissors in my hand, cuts up and down my arm,
Resembling the pain that I feel inside, I decide to do myself more harm
I blame myself for losing you, its my fault of course
Its what I usually do
I punish myself for doing you wrong and for making you dump me
Having to drag me along
I’m sorry for causing you pain and sorrow, I’m sorry its not your fault its mine
That’s why I grab the blade again slashing my arm for the 29th time
I deserve it, I know that its true
I do this because I hate myself for not being good enough for you
This drives me insane, I can’t handle it anymore
I ran to my room, close and lock the door
Tears streaming down my face, Thinking I’m a disgrace
Wanting to die, trying not to cry
Thinking I might go to far, maybe it’s the best idea I’ve had so far
Cutting to deep then falling asleep maybe I’ll never wake up
I can’t help but think it’s the best way to deal
With this heart wrenching pain that I feel