Finally Free
I know, I know: you can barely see them. That’s the point, because I haven’t SI’ed in over a year and I want to show people this is possible. Most of them are cigarette burns. My left arm used to be covered in them, now you can only see two or three. The carving on my leg used to say “LOLITA,” now you can only see the LO unless you look closely. The first pic of the one on my ankle is the most visible one left. I had other carvings but I can’t even find the scars anymore.
I never understood what was so “beautiful” about SI, or the people who are proud of doing it and think it’s going to solve their problems. I hope they find some sort of treatment and support which works for them. I was misdiagnosed with major depression when I was 16 and Paxil did nothing but make me fat, but once I was rightfully DX’ed with bipolar and put on Lithium after hypomania and a suicide attempt, things went uphill. So here I am, getting through college, and I haven’t hurt myself in over a year. I wish the same on everyone whose pictures/stories/poetry I saw on this site. It is possible. I still struggle with urges. A little voice in the back of my head tells me how great it would feel to just whip out the Exacto in my drawer, how easy it is to just roll up my sleeve when I’m smoking, but I always manage to fight it off. Well, that’s me.
