Erin
My name is Erin. I have been self harming since I was thirteen. I am currently twenty-one and trying to stop. These are a few pics of the last time I cut. Notice the bruises and scars still present from past cuts and stabs. The words and letters newly cut in these pics are ‘cbaa’ (cutting, bulimic, anorexic, alocohlic) and ‘blood’ and ‘die’. Past carvings read die, fucked up, cut, bleed, cb, weak and pain. The tattoo is on my right thigh to cover some of the self harm scars I had made. The tattoo is symbolizing growth, strength, and myself. It has a quote I try to live by ‘to thine own self be true’. The piercings have been a substitue for me. They have served as a last resort when the craving for cutting gets too uncontrollable.
Cravings
I’m fighting the cravings.
and pretending that I’m strong.
I want to give in,
for the feelings I have longed.
I want to open,
that kitchen drawer,
pull out a blade,
and let it on my skin, explore.
I want the pain.
I want the blood.
This longings addictive.
It’s like a drug.
But I must stay strong,
when I want to be weak,
or my chance at getting better,
would grow too bleek.
I’m praying for strength,
as the cravings grow.
I called my friends for help,
but no one answered their phone.
So yet again I’m alone,
to battle my cravings.
I can feel it physically now,
It is not at all fadeing.
Cutting again now,
Would only set me back.
I’ve come so far.
I can’t digress.
I write in my journal,
and try to sleep.
The craving’s still growing.
I feel so weak.
I’m all alone,
and want a friend.
I can’t last long enough,
if this yearning wont end.
‘to thine own self be true’
I say in my head.
The quote I try to live by,
posted next to my bed.
So I keep fighting,
and resist being weak,
why won’t the feelings go away,
and turn the other cheak?
God please help me,
I’m trying so hard.
Make the feeling go away,
Before I take it too far.
