Angelhurt
I am nineteen years old and have been cutting and scratching for about one year and four months, using scissors, knives, paperclips, fingernails and blades, as well as punching brick walls. I have taken three overdoses and stupidly taken a mix of illegal drugs and alcohol (not pretty). I am currently trying to give up SI. I used my placement at uni as a distraction, but I have just been failed, due to illness etc. and have to reatake. Now there is nothing to distract and the urges are hard to fight. (It doesn’t help feeling like a failure either.) I have managed twenty days so far, but am telling myself that just having had scratched myself with a paperclip does not count. I feel bit better, but there won’t be the noticeable scars afterwards. The first photos show my scars over a year old, others are from the last month when I started up worse again after having tried to stop before. The penultimate photo is what I’ve just done, and the last one is scarred knuckles from saying ‘hi’ to a brick wall. I don’t know how long it will last, but I’m trying, counting the days. To all of you that have just started SI’ing or have not but are looking at this, my scars aren’t that bad (I kinda like them sometimes), but they’re bad enough. Don’t do it! I tried to get help, but no one wanted to help me, and my so called friends threw everything back in my face, so don’t rely on others helping you. If you leave it too long, you’ll be like me — see SI as an art, beautiful… I need say nothing else.
