Ambrosia
I’m a female cutter and burner aged twenty. I’ve been practising SI for several years, with breaks certainly, but I never managed to get rid of this habit. For now I can’t control it…
The first image shows my leg, where I cut in the word ‘hatred’, sometimes it’s the only thing I feel. The second one shows those fresh scars on my right leg. The third and fourth both show my arms, once there’s written ‘ugly’ and once ‘bitch’. Sometimes I consider myself as ugly, I think I’m too fat, though I know I’m not… but these are moments where I avoid the look into the mirror. Sometimes I just think I’m a bitch and I’m right. I had so many guys but I broke their hearts, brought them nothing but awful pain. They are allowed to hate me, as I do. Five and six show my bleeding right arm, while I am cutting (I made the picture in my drunken stupor some days ago). Seven shows some older scars on my wrists. Pictures eight to ten are very important. I’m in love with a guy called Andreas, but I do not dare to tell him, though our relationship is quite stable, I just can’t say ‘ILY’ to him, I punish myself for loving him, I do not blame him for anything, he serves me very well, the only trouble is me, I can’t get on with myself, I am scared to cause him fall and to hurt him once, because I love this guy so terribly. Picture eleven is just again his name, written with Chinese symbols only, pic twelve shows my complete left thigh, the symbols and words are quite large. The last one is me cleaning my favourite ‘tool’ after having done some cuts. So far, every day is exactly the same shit.
