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Twisted Soulz

My Story

Copyright Twisted Soulz

I’m twenty-two now and have been self harming for eleven years. My sister died when I was fourteen. She took her own life. That was the turning point for me. Before then, I never really knew why I self-harmed. Just a way of coping. I mean I obviously wasn’t coping. I was overweight and didn’t have many friends. My sister didn’t live at home anymore, and I was being sexually abused. From when I was three, to when I left home at eighteen. But it wasn’t until after my sister died that the self-harm got worse. It was then that I went from scratching to cutting; my arms, my legs, my face and neck and stomach. They all have scars and I guess they’ll keep getting more for a little while. I see a psychologist and a psychiatrist at the moment. I take very strong medication formdepression, borderline personality disorder, anxiety and panic, insomnia and I have psychotic episodes. I can’t really remember how I first started. Then, like now, when I cut, I usually disassociate. I have very little recollection of the actual event. I just remember the feelings before and after. I was at home. It was late at night, and the abuse had just taken place. I was crying, sobbing and I just wanted to die so much. Then I realised, I didn’t actually want to die, I just wanted the pain to stop. I had long nails and I just scratched at my arm until it bled. The relief was amazing, it was like all my pain was draining away.

So now, I keep seeing my support network and working on how I can go without self harm. I have been for a couple of months before I relapsed and everytime is getting slightly longer. I know I’ve just got to keep strong.

 

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