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TearsOfBlood

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Copyright, TearsOfBlood

I have been cutting myself for eight years and I finally stopped for a while. But every day I feel as though it gnaws at my consciousness, my soul and my heart. It hurts sometimes more than I can take. I grab my ears to block out the noise of my incessantly working brain. I have been dying lately to cut, to feel a razor lightly tear my skin and see the blood, the life, slowly leak away from me. This is the first time that I truly see how different I am, how different we all are. Others couldn’t possibly understand our love of the pain, the sweet release from this world. I tried to stop cutting eight months ago but sometimes it’s just too hard and I give in. Then I feel so horrible. But I just wanna go back to my life of cutting sometimes. Does that make me a bad person? Ever since I stopped, I’ve become more tense, more OCD, I smoke more and I smoke other things too. But it’s the only things that can seem to get me to relax. I just always have this energy all the time that I cannot get rid of. I enjoy things less, and I can’t seem to laugh. Now that I gave that up, life is just starting to kick my ass. Oh, well…

 

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