Psyke.org

Sinik

Copyright, Sinik

I guess I should start this the way everyone else does. I’m 17, female, my career choice is poet, and I’ve been cutting and scratching since I was about 12, but I’ve always pestered my body since I was a kid.

My reasoning behind it is that I have no other method to release my stress. I’ve never dealt well with emotions. My mom cries all the time, I don’t think I have in over a year.

I get frustrated and everything just builds till I can’t handle it anymore and I have to take my blade out or a safety pin and just work my frustrations out. I guess that’s normal.

It’s so hard for non-cutters to understand, and so easy for them to judge and make fun, or jokes, or to use it against us (I know that all too well). This website has been a godsend (for lack of a better word). It’s helped me so much, I don’t think I would have made it through christmas without it.

I wish that people could see that we are not wrong in our actions. Some cry with salt water, others cry with blood, there is no difference, we are all human.

Update

Well since I wrote my story things have gone from bad to worse to ok again. Had two suicide attempts and the scars to prove it. My left arm is covered in burns, cuts and scratches. It was really bad and then one day it stopped, the day I found out I had two little brothers. From my real father, I just didn’t want to cut anymore. I went fairly well all summer, a few fuck-ups but nothing major. Then a few days ago I found out a friend from Saskatchewan was in a terrible car accident and his dad died. I can’t go to the funeral, and I feel terrible so I’ve been scratching like mad. It’s one of those things.

I know that once school starts it’s going to be bad again. I just hope my mother can handle another bout of it. I don’t think she will be able to. I know it upsets her but I don’t want to quit for someone else.

 

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