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Paulina

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Copyright, Paulina

My name is Paulina, I’m thirteen years old, I’m from Mexico and I cut myself. It all started because I had a fight with my mom, in my house we live three persons: My aunt, my mom and me. My dad lives in another house, but if you look at my parents they seem happy together. I really don’t know why they are living separate, and I’m not interested in it. I love my family, my friends. I am in one of the best schools in Mexico. If you look at me you will say that I am happy. I have to admit, sometimes I am, but most of the time I’m not happy, as I told. Everything started with a fight with my mom, because they (my mom and aunt) want to go to San Antonio, Texas to live. And yes, I like the idea, but I don’t want to leave my dad. I mean I love my parents but I really don’t want to go without my daddy. I was crying because of that and the scissors were right in front of me, so I cut myself just one time and I realised that the pain that I felt inside of me, was going away every time I cut. So I started there, it was a way to get out of problems. I started cutting myself seven months after. The last time I did that was like three weeks ago, because of some love problems. I was bulimic, now I leave that, it was not easy. I’m like the kind of girl that looks older. I mean I’m thirteen but I look like sixteen because of my kind of using clothes and the way I behave. If you see me you will not think I’m thirteen years old. But, well, everyone tells me I’m very thin, but I don’t think so. My weight is 40 and well I’m not bulimic anymore, but my friends tell me I’m starting to be anorexic, because I say I’m fat. My best friend is Alejandra, and we do the same things. She is like me, we think we are fat, but people say we’re not, she cuts herself, etc. I really don’t know what is going to become of me. Alejandra is my best friend, and she has real problems. I’m trying to help her. Her parents tell her she is a mistake and everything like that. When I told her I cut myself, she told me she was doing that too. I really try to stop cutting myself and I can’t. My friends tell me “you have everything, a good family, a beautiful house, friends, why are you cutting yourself?” But they really don’t understand. Sometimes I wish I was dead, but whether I want it or not my life is going on, and I’m just going to live it.

 

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