Psyke.org

Louis

Untitled

Copyright, Louis

When I was ten years old, my father killed himself. He had been having problems with finding a suitable career. He and my mother had been divorced three years earlier.

My father had been visiting us. He was on leave from a mental hospital I believe, but I don’t really know because my mother and I have never really discussed the finer details.

I was given a note in school to go directly to the neighbor’s house after school. It seemed strange because this neighbor was my daycare attendant and I always went there anyway.

Walking down the street towards our house, I saw a giant fire truck out front. My father had killed himself by fire.

Later in the week, my mother took us to see the room in the house where it happened. It was completely charred, and everything melted. The smell was the worst part about it.

I am sorry this may seem like a gross story, but it is entirely true, and is the most traumatic thing which has ever happened to me.

We lived in a very small town and so this was probably the most humiliating thing which could have possibly happened to us. It has always made family relations rather tricky. My mother is positive and managed to raise two kids by herself, and lead a comfortable life.

I, on the other hand, am having lots of problems really dealing effectively with my grief, and find myself in a similar situation to my father; without a really clear plan for career success. I have moved all over the country looking for a new place to settle as I find it too painful to stay where I grew up and always be reminded of those events so many years ago.

All the searching though has helped me to become wise beyond my years. I just wish that I could take the steps to avoid the pitfalls of my childhood. I want to lead the successful and happy life that I know I am entitled to, as everyone should be entitled to.

I think that hearing from anyone, who has experienced similar pain may help me with coping mechanisms as I am out of ideas. As I am beginning to realize, open, honest, and positive communication is the best medicine.

Uncaring World

Copyright, Louis

What people don’t seem to understand about self injury is it truly can be theraputic. Shamans in tribal countries walk across beds of hot coals to prove how strong their will is. I honestly believe that no one can truly understand why anyone does this we all have our own reasons. We have to stop trying to make sense out of this whole thing it’s like trying to find out the meaning of life no one will ever know. I don’t cut I burn and have been doing it for about 10 years now my life isn’t bad and I have everything I want. I don’t know why I do it I just do and I tried for 5 years to make sense of it all and it nearly drove me crazy this is all feeding into a frenzy I like you’re site on the fact all of us can share but what we really need is less pictures and more communication between members of this site. And we don’t need to try to “make sense” of this whole thing and just be there for each other like good people do no matter how low you are there is someone who has had it worse we need to learn more from each other.

Discontent

Copyright, Louis

For years now I have always felt inadequate. Even though through normal eyes I appear to be a stand up citizen. You look at me and you see all the characteristics of a human being hair, skin, teeth, but not one identifiable emotion other than hatred and loathing. I haven’t SI’d in about 3 months but now the feeling is coming to me more then ever. I was just recently sent to a home for a year, all it did was teach me how to be more careful about all that. I’m a recluse and usually never leave my home I have no friends and I’m very lonely. I need people I can identify with, someone please help me before it’s too late.

Help Me Please

Copyright, Louis

I grew up in a dysfunctional family. My mother was an alcoholic who used to beat me. My father was a cop who used to beat my mother. I was taken to live with my grandmother for a short while then my mom went to rehab and hasn’t drank since. I started self harming when I was 10 years old and ever since then I haven’t been happy about anything since two nights ago I tried to commit suicide by taking pills and booze, didn’t die though just got really sick. I need someone to talk to I can’t leave my house because I’m pretty much agoraphobic. It bothers my girlfriend to no end it just makes her yell at me all the time I just wish there was someone who understands me.

Life as Usual

Copyright, Louis

Well it’s been a few days since I wrote last. I started with my new promotion at my job. Everything is going great in my life I start college in august but I’m still unsatisfied with life I have friends but I feel I can never connect with them. I look at life through a bubble and everything I do seems meaningless. I have a girlfriend who I love but I constantly worry that she is going to leave me. I don’t think I’ll ever be satisfied with anything I need to find solace in something, anything, but I can’t.

 

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