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Kiddo

Scared of Being Committed

Copyright, Kiddo

I’ve been cutting myself since 7th grade and I’m not going on to 9th. I started really simple like scratches and then I moved to safety pins and stuff. Recently I started messing with razors too. My mom has talked to me about self mutilation and I understand that I’m probably sick and need help. But I keep telling myself that I’m OK, and I don’t need to be committed. Tonight I got upset and cut up my legs and cut “ROBERT” very deep into my left leg. My mom found out and said I would be committed to Lakeview or a psychiatric ward.

I’m scared out of my mind of going there. I’m continuously telling her I’ll be fine. I think I’m having trouble understanding that I’m not fine. And I probably need help. Just to everyone who had or has these problems. You’re not alone out there and I know what it’s like.

Untitled

Copyright, Kiddo

My name is Gabby, I’m almost 15 and I’ve been cutting since 7th grade but not bad until 8th. I’m not really sure what triggered it I guess where I grew up, how I grew up. My dad was an alcoholic and the seven years he had custody of me I really only remember spending maybe 6 or 7 times with him on his own time. It was kind of rough. My parents got divorced when I was a little over 1 and my mom moved when I was 3. Taking me with her. I was back and forth between the two states for a few years until my dad got custody. When I was in 8th grade I decided I’d had enough and moved back. The pressure of picking one parent over another kinda made things worse. When I started again more feelings were bottled up. I guess that’s what made it worse. I started out with just fingernail scratches. When I’d get angry I’d scratch at my arms, my scalp or I’d pull hair out. Then I used to use safety pins and small things like that. And I got worse when I started using razors, and knives. I go to a counselor to help work out some of my problems. It helps some. But I still feel the need to carve away at my flesh. It kind of gives me a sense of relief. I feel better. But I also feel better knowing that I can stop. I hope soon I will be able to but until then I’m another SI’er.

 

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