Psyke.org

Jade

My Personal Story

Copyright Jade

I am 15. I started cutting my arms when i was 13 1/2 because it was one of two options for me at that time of life, it was suicide or self-harm, I was that low. I did not want to die but nor wanted to live the life I had around me.

In the space of two years I lost the dad I know, he moved out and we did not speak for about a year after that. We are still not OK. I see him one day a week for a couple of hours and we don’t even get on then.

About 2 months after my dad moved out my brother lost it and he went from not a bad boy but not a good one to a horrible boy who you could not speak to. He had changed. He was 16 when he moved out of home as well, it was more like ran away. We did not know where he was for about a year and a half, we know now he is in jail doing a 10 month sentence for two counts of JBH. He has done one month. He will be in there for his 18th birthday and I would like to be there for that but I can’t. He also got hurt. Someone put hot water all over him. He went to hospital, but he is now doing OK.

So in the space of two years I lost most of my life and it was the hardest thing I have been through. I went from a little bit of self-harm to wanting to die every day of my life. With only being young and at school it was so hard, to hide the cut and scars and all the pain inside as well.

I told one of my friends and it was the worst thing for me I would do. After she knew she would not speak to me for long and would not sit next to me as if she would catch somthing. After that I just thought if a good friend reacted like that then I don’t want any one to know ever.

I got a bit better I no longer want to die but am still cutting when things get bad. Some times I will pass out because I have cut that much my iron levels drop but that is at its worst. I don’t often get that bad nowadays I feel like there is a way I might be able to get out of this place it’s not a good place to be, you feel like hell and when you start to come out of it all that feeling. It feels like heaven has reached your body not more constant pain I am now getting my life back again and it is getting better little by little.

 

Permanent location: http://www.psyke.org/personal/j/jade