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Hannah S

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Copyright Hannah S

I’m fifteen and I have been cutting for four months. I’m a high school cheerleader. Most of my friends know because cutting is very common in my school and they saw the scars and cuts and my mom found out. I haven’t cut in about a month and a couple of weeks. My mom says she is going to send me to get help and I don’t want to. I feel better talking to my best friend, Mike. He doesn’t cut and hates that I do it and the reason I do it is something he can relate to. I hate that I do these things to my body. I know that if my mom didn’t know and I didn’t do sports that you can see the scars when I do them I would cut more. Anyone who is a middle child will probably get me. Well, I am a middle child and I am the only girl. My older brother is a senior in high school and he doesn’t get good grades so my mom expects me to get good grades. My little brother is a gymnast and he does good in school. My parents brag about how great he is and how he placed first in the state of Florida in gymnastics. I cut not just because of one reason and most people thing that my reasons are stupid and that doesn’t make it any better. Anyway because of the way my brothers act I feel pressured to try to be perfect. I’m not the most popular person in the world and not many people at my school know me or like me. There is one person in particular I can’t stand. One of my ex-best friends, Lindsay. She use to cheer with me then she turned my life into a living hell. She spread a ton of rumours about me and people at my school think I am gay. Not that I have anything against gay people. So we hated each other for a while and right before we stopped being friends she stole a bunch of my clothes. This all happened at the end of last school year and right after school ended I moved to a different neighbourhood to get a away from her. So I didn’t know anyone in my new neighbourhood and every one from my old cheerleading squad hated me so I lost most of my friends so I stayed home all summer and ate so I gained fifteen pounds and that doesn’t seem like a lot but I am only 4’10” and before that I only weighed a hundred pounds. So when we came to school this school year some of the people from cheerleading acted like it never happened. Right before Christmas Lindsay moved down the road from me and a couple of weeks later she moved into my class so I am around her a lot. I have a cousin that is in my home room and was in my classes last year so we are close but lately she hasn’t been eating and she has passed out twice at school and twice at home and she really worries me. One of my other friend’s parents were really close to getting a divorce and when she found out she cut herself but has never done it since, but when I found out I blamed myself because I thought she wouldn’t even have thought about doing that if it wasn’t for me. That is about all the things that have made me want to cut. I’m trying to stop for good and so far I haven’t done it for a while and please if you haven’t done it, don’t, because it is horrible.

 

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