Psyke.org

EmilyAnn

About My Life

Copyright EmilyAnn

I’m EmilyAnn and I’m fifteen years old. I started cutting and thinking about suicide at the age of of seven. The reason why I do self harm is because people at my school other then my friends call me an ugly freak or whore, it really hurts so much. I mean, I try getting along with everyone as much as I can. My boyfriend of two years, well, we’ve been fighting and he always seems to act so differently when he’s around his friends. Like, he always calls me a dumb fuck which really offends me. One night he came over we chilled and started making out until he started to unbutton my shirt, I told him to stop because I wasn’t ready to take our relationship to the next level. My boyfriend got pissed and said ‘my friends were right about you, you’re a dumb ugly bitch’. I burst into tears and ran into my room. In the year 2001 my best friend was so sad because she was raped, she became a serious cutter like both her arms were covered in wounds and cuts. I was worried about her that time and so was her boyfriend. She’d always cry and shake so badly that sometimes she’d fall on her knees, me and her boyfriend who is my best friend also would try everything we could to comfort her. She was a goth. People at school would judge her because of the way she’d dress. Her father said if she didn’t change the way she dressed that she’d have to be kicked out. Carey, my best friend, said to him ‘dad I’m your daughter who’s ten years old, you’d actually kick me out’. Carey’s father responded and what he said broke her heart, and at that time Carey was very suicidal. She was scared so bad. That day her father told her that she could stay the night with them, if she doesn’t change that she will have to leave the house. Carey, me and her boyfriend Chris were so depressed we couldn’t stop hugging her, we hung out with each other for a few hours. Chris and I took her to lunch she saw her brother and sister there since they worked there and Matt asked Carey what was wrong. Carey told him and he cried with their sister. That night Carey couldn’t sleep she was thinking about her family, and how sad she was knowing that her father was kicking her out. Carey was so upset that she decided to cut her wrists, at that time she didn’t know if anything would happen but she fell on the floor. Her brother ran upstairs and saw her bleeding to death on the floor, he yelled for his father he ran upstairs and saw her and dialed 911. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital, I was a sleep at the time and all of a sudden I felt my bed shake and it was Chris. Chris told me what had happen and I ran downstairs, my parents took me to the hospital and we met up with Carey’s family. I hugged Mr. and Mrs. Baker I also hugged Matt and Jessica, we waited till 3 am. Chris had his arm around me trying to comfort me. At 3:50am one of the doctors came out and took their mask off, they said ‘Mr. and Mrs. Baker we’re so very sorry, we tried everything we could but we couldn’t get her back’. I burst into tears and got up and walked away I walked to the window and started kicking the wall. That’s about it.

 

Permanent location: http://www.psyke.org/personal/e/emilyann