Psyke.org

Cadet

Bring Me to Life

Copyright Cadet

I have a habit of getting depressed and cutting. I started cutting back a while. It first started with picking my scabs. I’d get depressed and go up to my room and rip the scaps off. Later I found a pocket knife, I tried a deep cut on my thumb, it hurt but not enough for me, so I figured out if I used a jagged dull option it makes a shallow cut that doesn’t scab for a while therefore increasing the pain.

The cutting is driving me crazy. I am always trying to hide it, my parents know I’ve done it in the past but I’m not sure they know that I am still doing this. My cousin saw it and guessed what it was and started to make fun of me about it, for a while I struggled with lying and I finally was doing pretty well, but I still lie about this. I feel like my whole life is going down the tubes because of this. Within the last week there were forty-six cuts just on my upper arms and countless others on my stomach and legs. I’ve tried to stop multiple times but I keep failing. The pain is so addicting and relieving.

I’m so afraid because when I do it I just slash all over and I’m afraid this thirst for relief will get me killed someday.

Jesus, no one else has been able to help me, please do something for me. Jesus, please bring me to life.

 

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