Psyke.org

Britty

My Life, My Suicide, My Survival

Copyright, Britty

It all started the day my dog had died it was september 7th 2000. When he died I felt as if my heart was torn out of my body. It hurt so much I could not bear the pain. Then a year later my parents were having fights and were fighting continuously. And fighting with their fists and verbally. I sat in my room downstairs and thought of my life ahead of time. And what was I to do at that time. I did nothing I let it eat at me inside. Until I turned to my drinking and drugs. I became addicted to alcohol and marijuana, acid, and shrooms. Then one night I went to a party with my friend Joanne and to my extent I was drugged and raped by a guy who I thought was my friend. Also when I was 5 I was molested by my father’s so called best friend. And I never knew when I was 5 years old that it was wrong. But now I do and my father does not believe me. I have transferred schools from Blackburn Jr. to Duchess Park Secondary. I hated the move and when I left my dad I was happy because I thought he was a jerk. I went to my new school and made lots of new friends then all my problems were catching up to me and was effecting me in every way possible. I haven’t had suicidal thoughts before but now I do. I couldn’t take it any more I wanted so much to just be a happy and normal kid with no problems and have my parents together again and be a happy family. But I know that it would never happen. Because my mom had a boyfriend and my dad had a girlfriend. My mom never paid any attention to me and never listend to me when I needed it or when I needed someone to talk to about my suicidal thoughts. I tried to tell her but it never came out. Then I went and sat in my room and said if there really is a god then why is he doing this. I never have believed in god at all in my life. And I am not about to. I went home that night after school and I was so depressed I couldn’t think straight. Then I went into the bathroom and drank bleach. I drank half the jug of bleach and when I did I was vomiting profusely it took me forever to quit. Then I took a knife and stabbed myself in my stomach and I lay there bleeding on the floor with the bleach spilled onto the floor. My brother walked in and yelled “mom” and they took me to the hospitial. The only thing I remember of that experience is the pain I felt and drinking the bleach and stabbing myself in the abdomen. Then from there on it was a blackout. I woke up to my surprise that no one was there but the doctors had pumped my stomach. And it hurt so much I couldn’t move. I went home a week later and I started feeling the same way again. Like I did all depressed and out of control and couldn’t think straight. So I sat in my room again thinking now I will kill myself for sure this time I will make sure no one will ever see me again. So I took a rope and tied it into a knot and was off to hang myself off of the bridge. And I bumped into my friend Nick when I walked by he noticed I was very depressed and he stopped me and asked me what was wrong so I told him. He took me back to his house and talked to me about all my problems and after that I never wanted to kill myself because I had someone to hug and talk to when I needed it the most. Nick is now my boyfriend he’s 17 and I am 16. We have been together for a year and I am very happy that he saved my life. Now I haven’t been suicidal in a year and a half and he’s helping me through this gradually but slowly. Before you think of committing suicide think of the people who would be able to help you. I found my true love that night and he’s my boyfriend all a person needs is to be talked to so they can tell someone close what they are feeling. My suicide I survived and I will never go back because I put it all in my past. The past never matters unless you let it get to you and invade your mind. But never turn to suicide talk to someone, anyone, your parents or your friends. They will help you through it. If I can do it anyone can do it. Stay strong and hold onto what you have left in your life don’t make your last bit of happiness hurt you and don’t have suicidal thoughts. Now I feel better I’m not on drugs nor an alcoholic and I’m not suicidal. I committed suicide and I lived to tell about it. It was the worst and most unthoughtful thing I have ever done in my life and my hero is Nick Sibson.

My life, My Pain, My Recovery

Copyright, Britney

As you all may have read my story of when I was first depressed or the time I drank a bottle of bleach and stabbed myself in the stomach in my bathroom at home after school. I wanted to let you all know there has been more problems since then. My paretns splitting and being with other people, and me being molested and raped. Last school year I dumped my recent boyfriend Nick and I was sexually assulted by a new kid in my school named Dawson. I told my mother and she freaked, called the school and told them if they didn’t suspend him she would have him arrested. But when I told my dad and my brothers, they went after him. One day when I was hanging out with my 3 brothers at my school they went looking for this Dawson kid. When they found him, they hurt him beyond all repair. They smashed his face into the ceramic urinal and cracked his head open, then they dragged him through the hallways of my school and took him outside to the smoke pit where they beat him frantically when class was in session. They left him there in a puddle of his own blood and told him if he ever went near me or my friends his family would find him dead in a ditch one day. Until this day Dawson has not touched another female or sexually assaulted one that I’ve heard of. Then after Dawson I met a guy named Leo. We dated for about 7 months. Then I had to break it off because I felt alone and he lived in another city. Then I met someone new named Tristan. He and I have been dating for about a week and a half now and everything is going great.

I just thought I’d update you on my new stuff. I’m not cutting no more. I’m not into suicide and not into alcohol. I got off it all. And I’m feeling good about myself and I’m happy. Just find yourself. And don’t cut. If I can stop, you can.

 

Permanent location: http://www.psyke.org/personal/b/britty