Psyke.org

Anita

Stained and Saved

Copyright, Anita

Hey, to everyones who’s reading this, I would just like to start off by saying that I appreciate this site a lot. Even though I have been told that it is not helpful for me, it does help in its own way, and it will be different for every person too though.

Anyways, my story, well I have grown up in a great family, there have been no real problems with my family, well my immediate family anyway. I started to SI in grade 9, I am now in grade 12. You can do the math. But I still don’t really know exactly why it all started, but I do remember the first time it did happen. I was very upset, more pissed off really I think. A lot of shit was going on at school and a few other things as well. But there is something about the feeling of the blood running down my arms and legs. I was addicted from then on. I would like to say now though I have been wound free for a while now though. I have been through the whole ‘and how does that make you feel’, yeah it helps a little, but in the end it was my own decision to stop SI’ing. There is no one person who can make you do that, you will be all on your own for that one.

I also want to say, that I am a christian, and that has been one of the major things that has helped me to sort all this stuff out really. God is always there for me and he will ever let me down, like everyone else will. And trust me they do, every single person will let you down, no matter how much they love you and care for you. God is the only one who will be there in your darkest nights. He was there for me, which is why I am here now, and you are reading my story, it is because of him.

Because I am a christian, and have been for some time now, peoeple have just assumed that I am OK. Which was not true. I am only human, just because I am a christian does not mean that I don’t get down and depressed too. I was very confused for a long time, still am sometimes though, but there were so many times when I had SI’ed and the feeling it gave me was uncontrollable. Because all these people were assuming all of these things about me, they just disregarded me as attention seeking. This was not the case at all. And I was hurt by that, which made me think that no one cared, and I thought that there was no hope for me. I didn’t have friends, I didn’t socialise, but I wanted it so badly. But at that time the only friend I could relate to was my razor. But eventually I got it under control, and things are really getting a whole lot better now. If anyone wants to give me a shout, e-mail me.

 

Permanent location: http://www.psyke.org/personal/a/anita