Rachel
Picking & Pulling
Copyright, Rachel Studley
I want to tell you about my self harm. I want to make you understand and I want to make me understand too. I want to get to a point where I can be wound free - where my body only shows the scars of where I've been and not where I am right now. I can't remember the last time I was completely wound-free. I was once, maybe when I was about 13. It's hard to say.
Foobar
At this point in time my harming is in the form of picking at my skin. I've managed to beat the cutting for now, although when things get bad the urge is (almost) unbearable. I also pull out my hairs. These two less known forms of self harm are more difficult for me than the more dramatic ones. I feel much more ashamed of my scars from this - the blotchy red patches on my legs - than I do of any others. Perhaps I accept my other scars because I have more of an understanding of why I've got them. Plus, as far as self injury goes, cutting and burning are more accepted in the world (and to me). Most people have at least heard of it, or read some well meaning article in a magazine. Picking and pulling are still taboo, which is weird 'cause most of us have done it to some extent. Most people just don't take it to the degree that I do. I still feel very alone with it though - and a bit of a 'freak'.
I want to learn to love my scars too - but I guess that's the next step.