You are here: Home > Poetry > Untitled Poems > Lisa
Lisa
Copyright, Lisa
At night i sit alone,
afraid of what i want to do,
the moonlight spills across the floor-
the only light in my room.
angrilly my mind flashes back to every bad thing
that happened today,
and almost without thinking,
i draw out my friend,
my enemy,
my razor blade.
visions flash through my mind-
of those who hurt me,
of those who don't care.
atear rolls down my cheek,
and my eyes wander over to the mirror.
what i see makes me hate myself even more-
that selfish,unlovable freak staring back at me.
i tear y gaze away,
and turn to my friend.
always there when i need it,
helping,and killing me.
i raise it to my wrist,
and cut over every scar i already have.
i look down in satisfaction at my corrupted arm,
at the red blood trickiling out,
it doesn't seem fair that i have to do this to feel even slightly in control.
but thats how it is.
Again i raise up the blade,
and slice up my arm some more.
deep,angry lines cover my arm,
and i lie back in relief.
yet i don't feel completley content-
i need to cut more-
cut deeper-
to die.
but i force myself away from those thoughts,
and turn up the musid real loud.
i wish someone would notice,
understand my pain,
but there's no one,
and i can't hide from it anymore.
it fills my head,
screaming at me in silence,
untill it becomes unbearable.
i feel so alone-so afraid.
i don't even care what i do anymore,
life just happens as it does.
suicide can't be the end to all this suffering.
it seems nothing can help me anymore.
a puddle of blood sits spilt on the dirty ground,
sneering at me,
laughing at me,
coz i couldn't contain myself,
weak and helpless,
yet unbearably angry i sit,watching my life trickle past me,
and the urge to die becomes stronger.
so i sit there,
in silent agony,
willing it to go away.
but it doesn't,
and it never will.