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Megan

All poems copyright, Megan Williams

My Own Mind

23/08/01

In my insane world.
I look out into the stars.
Feeling pressured and so so head-ful.
Frail tears slowly trickle down my life-less face.
As I lay in a dark sadness.
My own mind knowingly emotionaly abuses me.
Convincing self-threatening words are what I hear.
Not knowing what to do makes me feel desperately worse.
I can think of nothing but my utter worst nightmare.
This is where i've been placed,where I am now.
Gloomyness circles my bedroom.
It surrounds me with dead voices of the most awquard and disturbing feeelings.
Because I am paranoid and frightend I become a boiling,mind-blowing earthquake.
Shaking more than ever before,hurting everyone, every ticking second of the day.
Destroying the light,joyful energies around me.
This is my night time treatment.
This is what happens.
If it's dark outside then I will suffer emotional pain.
My worst nightmare is here again.
Pulling my brain from side to side,testing it's elastic state of mind.
Everything has once again been twisted like a tornado.
For six daunting hours, each night,
I get caught up in my own tornado-my own mind.

The Cause for my Insanity

27/08/01

The past few years you have caused me
Nothing but anger and pain,
My docter said you were the one
Who made me go insain.

If I caused accidental trouble
You tell me YOU'RE in control,
And that I will be fine
If I made you part of my goal.

In the past i've been bored with you,
So the other side you did show,
That black side made me lighter,
Instead of grey and low.

I miss the sound of my laugh,
And the sight of my smile,
Hopefully it'll all return
In a short,hurried while.

Low self-confidence,
And low self-esteem,
Hasn't got me anywhere
Because you've been so mean.

Every time I see you,
You take advantage of me,
You ask me to stay the night,
And stupidly I agree.

But every time I awake,
I brake out of your skin
I realize each time
That I have let you win.

Why is it when I leave
You're the one I miss?
What is it you gain
From purposely doing this?

Poisoned Mind

28/08/01

As I lay, my poisoned, fragile mind distorts itself.
Twisting, spinning, curling.
Unavoidably landing into curves and angles.
Doing some sort of incomprehensible dance.
Mixing every singe emotion and genre of memory.
Like a blender combining diverse elements,
In this cobwebed brain of mine.
This eccentric alien dissects the clear, stable organ,
That lies peacefullly in my protective skull.
And squelches on every side of convoluted nervous tissue.
Obtaining my usual self surreptitously.
Keeping out of sight no doubt what intuition exists in that disorganized room.
I am permanently kept in concealment.
With this current, internal, black hole like demon,
Demanding control.

24 Tears Fall

01/09/01

A tear falls late at night.
A tear falls when hunger strikes.
A tear falls when I am sad.
A tear falls when I get mad.
A tear falls for each time i've been used.
A tear falls when I am confused.
A tear falls as guilt draws near.
A tear falls when I am here.
A tear falls cos it's so easy.
A tear falls when men are sleazy.
A tear falls cos I can't forget the past.
A tear falls,how much longer will I last?
A tear falls when I am all alone.
A tear falls when I am on my own.
A tear falls without cease.
A tear falls when tension's released.
A tear falls as blood is loose.
A tear falls and I feel obtuse.
A tear falls as I clean up my state.
A tear falls as I sit and wait.
A tear falls as I realize what's done.
A tear falls ,was it really much fun?
A tear falls with a breath of oxygen gas.
A tear falls as I put away my broken glass.

To Other SI'ers

06/09/01

Smiles can be strong,
So can be tears,
But some of them are false,
And brought on by fears.

The privacy in our minds,
Is the only place we can hold,
Our secrets and discretions,
Not wanting to unfold.

Hiding the unknown,
Is a trick we've learned to play,
We can hide our delicate scars,
Every second,every day.

We've all gotta stick together,
Cos they don't understand,
How we're all feeling,
In our fucked up land.

None of us are alone,
We've all got eachother,
We can talk and communicate,
For something to hide or cover.

I remember when I first started,
I thought I was the only one,
My whole world was utter hell,
My surroundings were a con.

It's o.k to cry,
We are here for you,
We know how you're feeling,
And what you're going through.